Hey look, it's some badass fictional characters!

Some of these are more obscure than others. And yes I'm aware I don't include John McClane, James Bond or Schwarzenegger in any incarnation. Too obvious. Plus these guys would kick the shit out of them. Well maybe not Dutch.

Keyser Soze from The Usual Suspects
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."


Rorschach from The Watchmen
I'm about halfway through arguably the greatest graphic novel ever, and Rorschach is a fucking nutball. He's he only costumed hero still around at the beginning of the novel (1985 or so, after the US was victorious in Vietnam and Nixon declared himself president for life). Speaks in monotone, murders prostitutes, is clinically insane. When the police capture him and take off his mask he screams for them not to take his face. So there's that. I'm sure there could be more but I don't want to do an research and spoil the ending.

Ash from Evil Dead/Army of Darkness
Dude has a fuckin' chainsaw for a hand. Seriously. Spouts off one-liners like its his job. THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK. Yeah, he works at S-Mart, so what? He fucks the undead's day up, for regular.


The Sandman from ECW
I'm not sure how "fictional" this guy is. He's this wrester from back in the day in "Extreme Championship Wrestling" whose schtick was coming out and drinking a bunch of beer and then smashing the cans on his head, often drawing blood. He was known for beating the shit out of people with a cane, and became known as the "extreme icon." I remember watching matches between him and Cactus Jack (aka Mankind aka Mick Foley) on borderline public access in the 90s where they would throw each other on barb wire and set each other on fire for 30 minutes. Also, he's fucking scary, just look at this photo.


Charles Bronson in any movie, lets say The Mechanic

You gotta give a shout out for the so-called "Granite face of destiny." Death Wish or the Magnificent Seven? Fuck and Yes.

Tyler Durden from Fight Club
A fictional character that only exists inside the brain of another fictional character. deeply badass. Plus he starts a series of fight clubs, eventually forming a vast underground network that he uses to build his own personal army. He then blows up a bunch of credit card headquarters or something to the Pixies. And he never sleeps.


Jack Shaftoe from The Baroque Cycle by Neal Stephenson
"Half-cocked" Jack, the king of the vagabonds, exists in this trilogy of historical fiction set around the turn of the century 1600. It's an epic read (seriously, each book is like 800 pages). In the first novel he is slowly going crazy from syphilis and gets into a bunch of ridiculous adventures -- including riding into a turkish harem, killing an Ostrich and abducting a prostitute; winning a war on the subcontinent via fiery phosphorus bombs made from his men's urine; and riding to a royal gathering on his warhorse and cutting off the arm of a prince, the so-called politest man in France. He was just being polite in his own badass way.
Later Shaftoe is part of a grand plan to break out from slavery and steal a cache of silver, nay gold, nay legendary gold. His badassery apparently is genetic. One of his progeny is Bobby Shaftoe from "Cryptonomicon" a black ops Marine who tells off Ronald Reagan while high on opium. In other words, if you haven't read any Stephenson, I recommend you give it a shot.

Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction
Everybody knows the old Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man et cetera et cetera. But I still think his best line is when he's cleaning up the car with Vincent:

Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! In fact, what the fuck am I doing in the back? You're the motherfucker who should be on brain detail! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull!

Gripping, compelling, and rich. Nevermind the fact that Jules is the only person in this movie (besides the Wolf obviously) who should really be called badass. Vincent? Killed after taking a dump. Marcellus Wallace? Raped. Mrs. Wallace? Can't handle her heroin. Zed? Balls blown off. Christopher Walken? Stored a watch up his ass. Butch? Has long conversations about pot bellies.

Anyway enjoy one of the greatest scenes in cinematic history.
Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.