Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Andrea Bargnani takes it in the jar

Andrea is a girl's name you 7-foot multi-talented douchebag.

Yeah so tonight the sixers dropped the first of what is sure to be many games this season. Despite being down 22 in the the third quarter, they managed to make it interesting -- getting within 1 before a four point play by the aforementioned dego.

Still, I think this young, shitty sixers team could be fun this season. The potent three-point shooting of Kyle Korver, dominating rebounding of Reggie "Nutgrabber" Evans, competent passing of Andre Miller and development of young players like Rodney Carney, Lou Williams and Jason Smith are all pretty compelling, to me at least.

Not to mention the continued evolution of AI squared. He's like a Youtube video that eats and plays Wii.

On the other hand, Chris Bosh plays the game like some sort of dinosaur (a raptor perhaps?). That is to say -- he is a relentless killing machine, stopping at nothing until he has slit opposing teams' guts with his razor sharp claws so he can feast on their innards.

In conclusion, nutgrabber.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Back seat with my leg all stiff

You may think the life of a small town reporter/web editor is all political intrigue, rapidly spinning newspapers with crazy headlines, sexy parties and rum chased with whiskey.

It's more like looking through boring legal documents, four hour meetings about sewers, waiting for people to not call you back and fatties throwing themselves at you.

It's not at all how they described it in several movies like the one with Sally Field and Paul Newman, that's for sure.

This blog is small respite. I am too lazy to be creative. Tonight, for example, I just started writing whatever crap came to mind.

Monday, October 29, 2007


"There will come a time when you have to decide: Is it about you? Or is it about the work?"

I may have mentioned it before in this space, but lets reiterate once again how great "The Wire" is. The new season starts on January 6, and I already have half a hard on. Plus the theme this season is going to be "journalism" and how a newspaper interacts with the inner city community.

Each season deals with a different theme and its role in city life -- first season is cops and the drug game, second season is on the docks with the blue-collar stevedores, third brings politics into the mix, and the fourth season deals with schools.

I have a few theories on how the newspaper angle might play out, but I won't get into them too deeply because none of you will have any idea what I'm talking about, both because of my "insider" newspaper status and because no one watches the show. Lets just say McNulty will go back to the bottle.

Here's an apt review. It's from the internet.

Approximately 12 people will watch the final season of HBO's The Wire, the most amazing thing on television in ages. So haunted and moved by the show's brilliance, these precious few will proceed to nag everybody else to watch it to such an annoying degree that the entire world will write the show off out of pure spite.
True? Probably, but I'm still going to slang my knowledge on the show before January. And if you don't watch it you're racist.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Coming soon

The NBA is starting next week. I'm going to be a contrarian and say it's my second favorite league, behind the Barclay's English Premier.

There are two easily tangible reasons why the NBA is so high on my list. Ernie, Kenny and Charles in the best sports studio show in the world, and freedarko. Turn on TNT for one, and for the other, check out the EVERY PLAYER PREVIEW here, here and here.

To be a complete homer, my favorite is Allen Iverson:


Also, Sam Cassell looks like an alien. And is quite patient.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

There was never meant to be only one

My feelings toward big corporations are no secret. They are evil, fascist organizations that can be blamed for many of the plights of humanity on earth. Big media is no exception, except for Google, which publishes this blog.

My C- in Macroeconomics tells me that free market forces the consolidation of media organizations. Well that, and this outdated chart. This consolidation of media to fewer and fewer controlling interests is a bigger problem than you may think.

Some may argue that that chart is from six years ago, and that a C- isn't very good. They'll say that the rise of blogs, social networking and internet memes allows savvy American consumers to avoid big media in how they get their information. I say people are idiots, and point to lolcats.

The average American douchebag has no idea what is important. They have no "news judgement." The problem with giving a voice to the masses, is the masses are really fucking stupid. Pop culture throughout the ages is terribly embarassing. From the pet rock to the Macarena to Deal or No Deal, its not exactly intellectual pursuits that rise to the top of mainstream conciousness.

As media companies consolidate, it means their are fewer experienced, intelligent people providing the public with information. Without that filter, we end up with 800 million people talking about fat Britney Spears. Edward R. Murrow would be proud.

Journalism is now reactionary. California burns to the ground, it shows up on TV. There are very few reporters out there digging the dirt, looking for scandal. Watergate would never happen today.

For one, its all about ratings now. I can say, from experience, that at least 90% of editorial decisions made in newsrooms today are decided by how well it will sell. Gotta get that color above the fold.

Classic example -- there was a shooting in the back of some Jap restaurant in Downingtown last year. Some employee was out front smoking a cig and police rolled up, pointed their assault rifles at him, and he put his hands up. At this point, the intrepid photographer snapped a photo, which ran 6 columns across the front page with the screamer of a headline, "I just shot someone."

"It's not the first life I've ruined," the photographer said. That front page is now framed and sits on the floor in the video room. Litigation is pending.

Another problem is access. Big Media has the dollars to throw around to get access to the halls of power. By and large, bloggers sit behind their computers and interpret what they read, watch or get sent via email. Someone typing away in their parents basement isn't going to be able to interview general's and shit like that. Or go to Iraq and report from the front lines, Michael Yon aside.

This completely ignores the fact that the owners of the media corporations may have some vested interest in what information is widely disseminated.

"Your voice it is so soothing

That cunning mantra of killing
I need you my witness
To dress this up so bloodless
To numb me and purge me now
Of thoughts of blaming you"

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

More ways for me to waste time

So maybe this is not the way to let people know...but I have created a blog of my own. I will still try to contribute here on a fairly regular basis, which admittedly I haven't been doing for a while. Mainly my blog is going to consist of me talking about music, movies, tv, and the observations from my day to day life. No philly sports. Maybe some minnesota sports. Yeah, so click here to check it out. A review of a recent concert and movie will be coming soon.

Monday, October 22, 2007

In soviet Russia, face kicks you

I got nothing, so here's a video of some dude getting kicked in the face. Soccer rules.

courtesy With Leather

Friday, October 19, 2007

Eats babies

Sup fatties, sorry for not getting this up earlier, I was in NYC drinking beer out of styrofoam cups at a bar with hipsters. Plus now I work on Fridays, so I don't have all afternoon that day to look for the good stuff, possibly while high.

Speaking of New York, I am apparently a big fan of the Not for tourists guidebooks.

Speaking of fatties, here's an interesting article about how the farm bill shapes what it is we eat. Although farmer grant may have a differing opinion.

Quick question. Why would you want to legalize drugs? After all, they are already California's number one cash crop. Think about all the hippie farmers who would be out of work.

Flaming squirrel blows up car. Now there's a headline you don't see everyday. It's some quality journalism, especially the part about the tombstone. And speaking of squirrels, here's a video.

What's that? There should be more break-dancing movies? Well I guess you haven't heard about Step Up 2 the Streets. I don't know.

That's it. I'm going to go mourn the death of Lindsay Dawn Riley.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Getting punched before eating

For some reason I was watching Saturday Night Live last weekend (Bon Jovi is dreamy!). And before I fell asleep, I saw this little digital short, which apparently are the only funny things they do on SNL anymore.

As an aside, 30 Rock is like a fictional look at SNL behind the scenes, with about 259 percent more hilarity.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Fuck you, deer

So driving home from a typically riveting township planning commission meeting tonight, rocking out to some Bulls on Parade, when out of nowhere fucking cloppy the late night deer jumps out in front of my car.

Well I just fucking plowed right through the fucker and kept going. It's head hit the passenger side windshield and put a wicked crack in it. It also took off the passenger side mirror. Not too much damage other than that to the car, although I imagine the deer's seen better days. Fucking bitch.

I wanted to to post the video from Tommy Boy where the deer destroys their car, but the interweb has failed me. Fuck copyright. Fuck it right in the ear.

But then again, the search was not entirely fruitless, as I did find this newscasting brilliance.
SPOILER ALERT: The dude with the giant beard later shot the deer and ate it.

The Welsh-Ryan Tales

Once upon a time there was a young asiatic frenchman from Sacramento who could sling oblong spheroids great distances and with great accuracy. Many kings sought for him to lead their army's into battle, in far away lands such as Oregon State.

But nay, he said, "I must go to the lands of the Northwest, a man named Walker calls me to squire his purple-clad squadron to victory against far greater foes."

And it was such. The frenchman went east to the land of the Northwest, where he waited for his chance to prove himself in battle.

But then there was a time of great tragedy, and Walker was struck down before his time. The purple army was adrift in a sea of strife. Walker's great victories and killing of Wolverines were soon forgot, as the purple band's losses to Boilermakers and Hoosiers mounted.

But lo -- a new king rose in the land of the Northwest, a square-jawed monster determined to lift the purple warriors back to prominence through pure force of will. The square-jawed one knew he must find someone to aid him in his quest. And he saw the frenchman.

So the frenchman entered the fall of 2007 with the hopes of the entire Northwestern lands on his shoulders. Fortunately he had good warriors at his side, notably his longtime companion Tyrell the Stout.

The frenchman and his fellow purple-clad combatants successfully rebuked two enemy advances, but not without casualties. Tyrell the Stout was sent to the infirmary in a hard fought contest against a marauding Wolfpack.

So it went, as the lands of the Northwest were sacked by Blue Deviled invaders, crushed by Buckeyes and mauled by Wolverines. The square-jawed one called the frenchman into his chambers and issued him an ultimatum.


"I will not fail," the frenchman replied through clenched teeth. "Even without Tyrell, we will defeat this spartan menace."

And the frenchman made it so -- setting East Lansing, Mich., ablaze as he sacked homes and raped coeds. When the carnage was completed, the frenchman retired to his meager quarters that he shared with another warrior, Mimms.

"Mimms, we have taken sparta, but a greater evil lurks on the horizon, I can sense it."

"Mmmpff," Mimms replied. Mimms wasn't known for his wisdom, or his ability to speak English.

A strange purple mist filled the room. And then a two-headed apparition appeared/

It spoke in a hollow voice, "Frenchman, you have usurped my sacred records, now I require the head of the gopher of gold."

"Who's there? Mimms is that you?"

"Noooo, tis not the tard. I am the spirit Brezac Basenok and I require penance. You have forgotten the teachings of Walker. You must slay the gopher of gold to honor your forbears. Woooo-ahhh-oooohhh." The Basenok then faded into nothingness.

Will the frenchman obtain the gopher of gold? Or lead his army to a bowl victory? Is this story going anywhere at all? Who knows? Here's Victory Right.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Topless Karate?

Sure, why not. I especially enjoy the sound effects. and the tits.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Serenity Now

"This game is rigged, man. We like them little bitches on the chessboard."
-Preston "Bodie" Broadus

Sorry for not posting anything in a while. Been busy with work and "The Wire" has been on demand, which had been taking up a lot of my time. No Bubbles, don't go back to the needle! I blame Wee Bey.

Anyway. Let's light this candle.

In case you haven't heard, you can download the new Radiohead album straight from their website, and pay whatever you think is appropriate. I haven't listened to Radiohead since my copy of OK Computer was stolen by a crackhead in aught three, but the new album is enjoyable so far, especially because I bought it for $2. The RIAA sucks.

Frank Rich can bitch about 'Good Germans' all he wants, as long as I don't have to pay a war tax.

If that's not horrifying enough for you: Check this out.


Ten million ways to die. Choose One.
Me, I'm going with the tunnel of death.

Have you heard about this new breed of internet terrorists that call themselves anonymous? It's true. It's seems they attack innocent AOL and MySpace users by hacking. "Anonymous" has even infiltrated this here fainting goats, often asking for more Philly sports masturbation. Fortunately we have local Fox affiliates blowing the lid off this secret society of websites.
So. Many. Jokes. Brain. Exploding. Like. That. Van.

That's all I got, maybe check back later for something on YOUR NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS. That is if this case of Molson is as inspirational as it refreshing.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Thanks for the lesson

In case you fell asleep in health class and was too busy playing tetherball to catch all the talk in elementary recess, here's a little informative clip.

A good start gone bad.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


You may remember the old Powerthirst video I put up while back. Well those crazy bastards are back, and their thirst is somehow more powerful.

I wish I could shoot bear heads out of my balls, thus killing other bears.

Monday, October 08, 2007

I hate Tony Kornheiser

That is, I would if I was a Buffalo Bills fan.
I don't feel like explaining myself, so here's a video.

Ha ha. Star Wars is fake.

268 Greatest Films: #39 Brick

Let's break out something in the top 50.

Brick takes the traditional "noir" movie genre and turns it on its ear by setting it in high school. It's more hard-boiled than anything that's come out since, uhhhh, let's say Chinatown.

It tells the tale of a loner named Brendan as he slowly unravels the mystery of his ex-girlfriends murder. It involves drugs, treachery, seduction and punching. Lots of punching.

The dialogue is unique -- not like anything you've heard in any movie that's come out in a long time. It's the kind of film that greatly rewards repeated viewings. Possibly while high.

Let's take a look at a clip, here's Brendan's first meeting with Dode.

Tagline: A detective story.

Plot Spoilers:
Hrm, where too start. Well, Emily was pregnant ... Tug kills Dode ... that's all you're getting.

Notable Quotes:
Laura Dannon: [On the phone with Brendan] Who is this?
Brendan Frye: I won't waste your time: you don't know me.
Laura: I know everyone, and I have all the time in the world.
Brendan Frye: Ah, the folly of youth.

Laura: Do you trust me now?
Brendan: Less than when I didn't trust you before.

Brendan: [to the vice principal, played by Richard Roundtree of all people] No more of these informal chats! If you have a disciplinary issue with me, write me up or suspend me -- and I'll see you at the Parent-Teacher conference.

The Brain: Ask any dope rat where their junk sprang and they'll say they scraped it from that who scored it from this who bought it off so and after four or five connections the list always ends with the Pin. But I bet you got every rat in town together and said 'show your hands' if any of them've actually seen the Pin, you'd get a crowd of full pockets.

Brendan: I've got knives in my eyes, I'm going home sick.

The Pin: You read Tolkien?
Brendan: What?
The Pin: You know, the Hobbit books?
Brendan: Yeah.
The Pin: His descriptions of things are really good. He makes you wanna be there.

Brendan Frye: Maybe I'll just sit here and bleed at you.

Best Character: There are a lot of good choices here. Brendan is pretty obvious. Kara (played by Meagan Good) is a total piece of ass. The Pin is pretty cool, what with his love of Tolkien and van with a lamp in the back. But he lives with his mom, so I'm going to give this to Tug. The dude is simply a punching machine. He's the Pin's muscle, but then Brendan plays him like a fiddle and gets him into his corner, leading to the eventual showdown...

Another reason to see it:
The fight between Brendan and Brad Bramish is one of my favorite scenes of all time. Brad Bramish is going to do what needs to get done indeed.

Friday, October 05, 2007

This is a disaster

"You can't Hoard fun. It has no shelf life."
-Hunter S. Thompson

Congratulations to the winners of the 2007 Beard and Moustache championships.

Apparently the whole "Don't tase me bro!" thing is all deep and shit, and is a classic example of a hip catchphrase. I think my use of it falls the hip nostalgic nihilistic phase. Either that or its hilarious to see a dude get tased.

I have something in my notes for this post called "nightmare fuel" and I forget what it refers too, I think it was something specific. This is probably ill-advised, but lets see what we can turn up through a little google search ... OH GOD WHY! KILL IT NOW! Yeah that's the end of that. Stupid lack of memory.

This reporter getting hit on is fucking hilarious.

The sacrilicious nature of this site intrigues me, kinda.

Thursday night is the night for the funny on TV apparently. I thoroughly enjoyed The Office and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Also worth noting is 30 Rock, complete with Jerry Seinfeld and gratuitous plugs for his new movie. It's a shame that show is too smart to be a hit. You can watch old episodes here.

I enjoyed this story about a stubborn old woman.

That's all I got, I'm going up to central Pennsylvania to get drunk in the middle of nowhere this weekend. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

That's a shame

Yeah, about those Phillies, they kind of sucked. One game down, three to go. At least I got to go out and "cover" the fans reaction during the game. Which means I went to the bar and had a few drinks while bullshitting with random patrons.

Anyway, here's two giraffes fighting. Ha ha.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Fight the power

M-V-P, M-V-P, M-V-P

Well here we are. It's October and the Phillies are inexplicably still alive. Despite missing Ryan Howard and Chase Utley for about a month each. Despite the presence of Adam Eaton (left off the playoff roster, thank god). Despite Charlie Manuel's midseason fight with a "noted" radio personality. Despite the bullpen's tendency for domestic abuse. Despite it all, and somehow in despite of history, the team will face God's team of destiny in the divisional round starting Wednesday.

I must admit, Wes Helms notwithstanding, I love this team. I want to gently hold it while it whispers sweet nothings in my ear. I want to spend all night walking with it on the streets of New York or perhaps Paris, sharing our deepest passions until the sun comes up. I want to put it in its butt.

It wasn't always this way. Earlier this summer the team earned derision for its 10,000th loss. As little as a month ago the thought of the Phillies overtaking the unstoppable juggernaut that was the New York Mets was implausible at best.

But then they swept those Mets. And then they swept them again. And then Jose Reyes realized that he is a bitch. And the Phillies line-up (sparked by Pat Burrell no less) started running through National League pitchers like a werewolf with a chainsaw for a dick.

They had 48 come from behind wins. Think about that for a second. Of their 89 wins, more than half came after they trailed. Of course when your pitching staff resembles a MASH unit for much of the year, it becomes necessary. Anybody remember Jon Lieber? How bout that Freddy Garcia signing? Praise Kyle Kendrick.

So now they face that other team that made an improbable run just to make the postseason. Chances are many a pitcher will want to tap out after a few to many innings in the two best hitters parks in baseball. But anything can happen. They have the opportunity. Despite the presence of Dane Cook, I cannot wait. Go Phils.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't seen it, check out Mr. Met's ill-fated suicide attempts, followed by an assist from the Phanatic in this sketch from Conan.

Monday, October 01, 2007

phillies fever

It's true, Victorino is the Phillies creationist Jesus. I have no idea what that means.

Also, if anyone wants to talk/be quoted in a story about the Phillies, hit me up on my cell Tuesday.

I'll have something more coherent on the Phils before Game 1.