Thursday, March 29, 2007

ice cube + st. ides=gold

This video speaks for itself. Greatest commercial of all time?

For those NUKE peeps out there, you may remember Maximum Shiles proclaiming "St. Ides Malt Liquor, It makes your jimmy thicker!" many a time in the KavE. And then throwing the glass 40 against the wall. Fire in the hole, bitches.
Thanks to Denevi for the tip.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

CNN -- how far you've fallen

It was just a few posts ago that I lauded a movie based on the actions of members of the original all-news network.
But I neglected to say that CNN has been on a steady decline since the days of Robert Weiner, et al.
Now its barely one rung above Fox News.
For your consideration -- this story featured on the homepage.

In case you are thick or hung-over, the gist of what CNN is saying is that the solution in Iraq is AMERICAN FUCKING IDOL.

Breaking: Borat is on Conan

But first -- Jeff Foxworthy. Curse you Jay Leno! Surely posting the penguin shark will fill the time.

Its only known predator is the killer bearwhale.

Hmm ... still Jeff Foxworthy, must continue.

"We should invade Iran, it would only take 300 men."
-Stephen Colbert

Guhhh, Foxworthy knows where the sympatic membrane is. The EAR. This is inane and terrible. Must find more photos.

Well this picture is hilarious.
ahh ballers with randoms -- so good.

Dudes fucking ran across the Sahara. The tonight show is garbage.

OK ten minutes til Conan. What else?
Infamous moments in Saturday Night Live history can definitely kill some time.

Agggggggghhhh musical guest. Dirks Bentley? Shoot me in the face.
Must assuage pain with badass music video

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Bite the hand that feeds

I just don't get it.
Viacom sues YouTube. Viacom owns CBS. CBS owns March Madness. There is a March Madness highlight reel featured on the front page of YouTube. Color me baffled.

edit: no embedding? you are a wily one viacom. Here's the link. Or you can just click on it. I am also somehow powered by Pontiac.

"ATL baby, final four thats how we do"

Thanks guy.

In other news, Colbert had possibly the greatest editable interview in the history of television tonight. immediately went down. I look forward to seeing what some enterprising loser who lives in their mom's basement internet user can do with it.

And here's another random video for your amusement -- its a monkey hosting a japanese talk show. You heard me.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

this is a test

I saw this driving back from Vermont this past weekend. I'm going to say it was somewhere in Doylestown.

Compare that with the beautiful Albany skyline.I would rather kill myself than look at that everyday.

Not much else, besides the miracles of modern drunken ingenuity.

And this is random -- not as good as the penguin shark, but still ...

Monday, March 19, 2007

I'm a soldier

Since I haven't updated in a while I'm gonna throw some crap up here and see if it sticks.

Don't underestimate banana's role in the war on terror. In other words -- THE WAR ON TERROR IS TOTALLY BANANAS! That "my hands are bananas" video I posted a couple months back probably got me on the FBI's watch list. jerks.


Uhhhh... apparently I am now the computer guy in the newsroom, which kind of sucks, but it does give me reason to be even more surly than normal. YOUR WELCOME!
Seriously though. Today I had to present the new computer system to some random suit named Nilay Pradesh (probably not his real name).


what? no dirty work?

And since that probably doesn't make any sense I should probably wrap this up and stew over some sort of epic Shane Victorino vs. David Akers confrontation. PEACE

Monday, March 12, 2007

Everywhere: exploitation. Where's the rock?

"God is dead, and no one cares. If there is a hell, I'll see you there."

So I was watching "Live from Baghdad" the other day. I think its a quality flick, mainly its insider journalistic shit. And something about the biggest rainforest ever and defacing the graveyard. That's deep.
It's Probably the best Michael Keaton performance outside of Batman. He's no George Clooney but it's still all true as far as I'm concerned. Peter Arnett is dead!

And here for your possible enjoyment is the five best X Files episodes ever as determined by me when I watched the entire series stoned senior year and then tried to remember.

5. Dreamland (2 parts) - This is the one where Mulder and the dude from Area 51 switch bodies. Probably wrong but I am too lazy to come up with something else.

4. Home - Fucked up inbred family. This episode was banned from reruns because it is disturbing as all hell. SPOILER ALERT! The mom has no arms or legs.

3. Bad Blood - Scully and Mulder recount a case of the mistaken vampire to hilarious effect. Oh Scully and Mulder, you are so different, yet so the same. Also they really were vampires.
Gypsy Vampires.

2. Jose Chung's from Outer Space - I still have no idea what the hell happens in this episode, but the mere appearance of Alex Trebek AND Jesse Ventura, teamed up no less, warrants its inclusion on this list.

1. Humbug - The intrepid agents respond to a mysterious call ... at the freak show. Needless to say, the late character actor Vincent Schiavelli (seen below) is a man whose little mutant conjoined twin lives inside his stomach when it isn't running around the circus area killing midgets. That. Just. Happened.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Where's Aaron McGruder when you need him?

Have you seen the new South Park? I'd sum it up as a libertarian treatise on race relations in the US plus Cartman fighting a twin midget from the late night informercials. Down with the sickness? I totally don't get it.

But seriously, is Boondocks ever coming back? I enjoyed that show more than The Office.

And for that matter, where's Rage Against The Machine when you need them?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Peace, Love and Fires

I was trolling Reddit last night and came across the top 10 corporate moments in rock n' roll from Earvolution
I was disappointed the whole Napster/Metallica spat didn't make it, but in no way can I argue with the top choice. Woodstock '99. Here's what it said.

"Raping their own legacy and sinking to deplorable depths of capitalistic corporate behavior, Woodstock's organizers tried one last time to milk a dollar out of 3 more days of peace love and music. To counteract the storied legions of festival-goers who crashed the gates at the original Bethel, NY concert and its 1994 Saugerties, NY sequel, Woodstock 99 took place at the well-defended Griffiss Air Force Base in Rome, NY. The fenced in, concrete covered space not only kept anyone without a $150 ticket (a steep price at that time) outside the gates, it also trapped in the 90 degree heat. Bringing life to the grizzly yet surefire marketing concept of selling water in the desert, the festival's organizers were more than happy to hydrate the sweltering fans - for $6 a bottle. Contrary to the spirit of brotherhood fostered at the original Woodstock, everything at Woodstock 99 was for sale, with corporate tents and ATMs set up throughout the grounds. By Sunday night, the breaking point had been reached. Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff" seemed to inspire many in the crowd to recklessness and by the time the Red Hot Chili Peppers launched into Jimi Hendrix' "Fire," rowdy, lawless fans had attacked numerous booths, ruined a great deal of merchandise and destroyed the Woodstock myth beyond repair. Woodstock 99's desire to wring every last cent out of their franchise, to the point of turning the crowd into a dehydrated, captive mass of marketing targets for food, water and merchandise, created the circumstances that led to the perfect storm of revolt against the "noble" corporate goal of maximizing profits at the expenses of the most communal, anti-commercial festival in rock and roll history."
-David Shultz

Ahhh. so very true. Enjoy Woodstock 99, brought to you by the same people as "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV. I mean, I was fucking there, man, and that's what it was. The lines at the ATMs were 20 deep, until they all ran out of money late in day 2. Around the same time as the epic East Stage night line-up of Limp Bizkit, Rage against the Machine and Metallica. During Limp Bizkit's set, people started tearing 10x4 planks of plywood off of somewhere and crowd surfing on top of them. And then someone stole Fred Dursts hat. At least the slogan for the weekend was "inked, pierced and ready to rock."
Fucking shills.

Really the only positive memory I have left besides "bobbin and weaving in the old GB" is Sean trying to regulate the fire-building due to his status as a volunteer fireman back home. Which usually meant we needed more wood from the "peace wall." Even the guy with a clown face painted on his cock and balls couldn't brighten the day.

"You wanna go to the all night rave in the giant hangar that used to hold B-52s? No, not the B-52s, its not a Love Shack."

But seriously, nothing says Woodstock like "killing in the name of"

edit: watch for the girl "having a tough time crowd surfing" appx. 1:30 in. Woodstock '99 the gift that keeps on raping!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Campaign 2008(?) I report, you decide

Since I haven't injected any bellig politics in a while, consider this.

Or perhaps this.

YOUR 2008 Presidential candidates america!

1st saw both these videos at Wonkette.

uhhhh ... G4?

I gots to throw something up here, but writing news stories about No Child Left Behind and Healthcare Reform with a local connection takes it out of you.

I was watching an epic episode of Arrested Development on G4. Apparently they have some show called Ninja Warrior that seems to be a cross between American Gladiators and MXC. Color me intrigued.

"This is a $60 banana suit! COME ON!"

Thats really all I have for now. A couple posts may be in the works. And by in the works I mean I am drinking miller high life.