Important things, they are a-happening

Sports! Do you care about them? Increasingly, it seems the answer may be yes! This became apparent to me when I was on facebook this morning, to update my employer's page on the marketing/dating/photo-sharing site. Linky linky! Links to webpages pages within links to webpages: The internet may or may not be based on some sort of chinese doll system. But I digress.

In having to log in to facebook, one is forced to look at a so-called "news feed" in which any of the other people out there I have deemed worthy of being my friend can post whatever the heck they want, which is mostly what they or their children recently ate and/or pooped. But who am I kidding, you know how facebook works. How did we ever live without it! I used to not (know how the site works or use it) but now I have to because I am paid increasingly small amounts of money (if inflation is taken into account) to know those very things. Job skills!

So this morning I logged in and what should I see but not pictures of people's babies and dogs, but a bunch of things about the Stanley Cup (or as I like to call it, the World Cup of Canada). But the information that was appearing in my "news feed" was very conflicting. Apparently, some people were happy about the outcome of the games, while others were deeply sad! Upon further review, it seemed like there was some regional bias in effect, like people from Chicago liked what happened, and people from Philadelphia did not. One person just said "WOOOOOOOOOO!!" with no context whatsoever! Very confusing.

"Where are the fact checkers!" I thought. It's almost like anyone can put whatever they want in my news feed, whenever they want, with no regard for actual facts or whether I might actually care what they are saying or whether it actually fits the universally-accepted definition of news. I assume that facebook has a bunch of money from selling all the information it has about everyone, surely it could afford to pay an editor or three! Take a little pride in your work, that way I wouldn't have to sort through all sorts of banal nonsense just to post an amusing (to me) inside joke about setting people on fire and poking people's eyes out with Denny's menus on someone's note about Nebraska joining the Big Ten (This is true, look it up!).

A Philadelphia fan's lament

If you read this blog, you probably know I am a fan of pretty much all things Philadelphia sports. For this I blame my father. Taking a impressionable kid to Phillies and Eagles playoff games tends to have a lasting effect. Especially when the teams lose.


So, yeah, I am die-hard for the Phils and Birds, and have been since the early '90s. This is problematic, because I hate the typical Philadelphia fan. Call it self-loathing, call it elitist, call it masochism, I don't know. I have gotten into the agony of the Philadelphia sport scene before, but that was a self-centered look at my own fandom. I didn't consider how much I resent my association with general louts.

In case you are unaware of the Philly fan mythology, let me clue you in -- we booed santa claus, repeatedly ran all-star players out of town, hate prima donnas and cowboys, and have little to no tolerance for athletes who make it look easy. Also, the vocal majority are a bunch of clowns. Morons if you will. Take the whole "booing McNabb" thing for instance. I have heard defenses that we are booing "the organization" or whatever, but that is fucking dogshit. The man has been pure class for a team with a less than glorious history, and he gets no slack at all? Grow the fuck up.

And now it begins again with the whole Real Sports interview where Donovan says black quarterbacks are held to a different standard than their white counterparts. Fans are going to call him a baby, a whiner, and maybe even a prima donna. Guess what losers racists, you are just proving him right. If his hometown fans don't even support him after a crazy-fast comeback from knee surgery, four NFC championship games and one Super Bowl appearance, what do you think rival fans are gonna do? Look at San Francisco in its support for Barry Bonds. The man is clearly an asshole and a steroid user, but they cheer him anyway. After all, he's their asshole steroid user.


And don't get me started on the ridiculous number of fairweather douchebags that have come out of the woodwork during the Eagles recent run of success and since the opening of the Phillies beautiful new stadium. I'm not sure which I detest more, the number of times I hear "bro" at Citizen's Bank Park or the shrieking of the low-hanging fruit that is female eagle fans. You fucks are goddamn frontrunners and you know it. Remember the Ray Rhodes era? How bout Gregg Jefferies? My fellow fans disgust me.

As I said before, this is a problem. I have tried to reconcile my feelings toward my fellow fans. They don't know any better, I tell myself. Just because they didn't suffer through the late-90s dark ages of Philly fandom, that doesn't make them bad people. But it does make them bad fans. They weren't there when Doug Petersen was starting quarterback in the first year of Andy Reids tenure. They weren' t there when Doug fucking Glanville was the Phillies best offensive threat. Sure most were aware of the fact that the local team kinda sucks, but they didn't feel it. They didn't scare the family dog by screaming at Ty Detmer to throw the fucking ball more than 10 yards.

OK, maybe I am overreaching a bit here. I'm sure there are other Philly sports fans that are far more die-hard than myself. And others (maybe) that treat those on the field with some modicum of respect, or at least don't boo all-pros. But sweet merciful jebus why can't we just support our team in a healthy way? Not too harp on the whole McNabb thing, but do we really think its helpful to boo him? Nevermind the fact that he is the best QB in the history of this dirty-ass city -- it can't be good for the man's psyche. A psyche on which the success of our team likely rests.


Well I'm about ranted out at this point. I would like to mention that I have been trying to adopt a more freedarko-style "enlightened fandom" point of view -- rooting for a style of play or whatever, its all kind of vague. But that is near impossible when you have such ingrained loyalties in certain sports. It works sort of with NBA, ie the Warriors last year, but that's just because I have never lived and died by a sixers score. The run to the finals in 2001 was nice, but they have never been a very likeable team in the past 20 years, AI and Sir Charles notwithstanding.

Breaking: Phils sign Joe Table

And Freddy Garcia is on the DL. I am not drunk or surprised.

Our long regional nightmare is finally over

That's right Philadelphia sports fans, the 20-odd year championship drought ended, i guess. The Kixx are your National Major Indoor Soccer League champs. Suck it Detroit Ignition fans!

I will always regret not making the trip to the Compuware Sports Arena to witness this historic event. That place erupted when a Detroit defender was blue carded, resulting in a 2-point penalty goal for the Kixx. I have no idea what that means.

When player-coach Don D'Ambra scored a 3-pointer to put the game away, a palpable gloom was lifted from the city of brotherly love.

Upon further review, it seems they also won the championship in 2001. I am going to pretend that never happened. When is the parade again?

Plus they give away free hats.
Free. Hats.

Runnin' up on them crackers in they city hall

I have to get up at an ungodly hour tommorrow to cover the "Educators 500" in Philly (don't ask). So I don't feel like making the effort to put together a coherent piece of prose, which more than likely would be pretty shitty anyway.

So here's some observations in handy bullet format. Also, I'm watching the opening game of what is sure to be a highly competitive Nationals-Phillies season series, so something related to that might sneak in as well.

-Read this in a couple places, but you think Imus wishes he had made his ill-considered comments a week later? I do. And I gotta agree with someone named Ace Cowboy in that the MSM are much like a bunch of locusts, decending and devouring anything in their path.

-Speaking of which, I'm sorry for the victims at Va Tech and their families (being shot dead or knowing someone who was sucks a big one, I'm sure) -- but more than 6 times as many people died in a massacre in Iraq today, and I don't see Katie Couric or Wolf Blitzer descending on Baghdad like some sort of "good journalist." In fact the only reason I know about that is because I get all my news from the Internets and the AP wire.

-OMG that guy was clearly out stealing. Is that a Crawford brother umping second?

-Don't know if you heard about the whole Howard Eskin vs. Charlie Manuel donnybrook, but the funniest thing I saw was a comment by someone on the the 700 level comparing the it too the fight between Mike and Clint at the moon tower in Dazed and Confused. And I quote someone named "GM Carson."
Eskin: "I was just making an observation, you guys are losing a lot."

Charlie: "An observation, huh? So I'm losing with my friends, so I'm a fuckin loser. (pushes Eskin) Don't let your beard write a check your butt can't cash. What's the matter, pussy, outta observations? Why don't you observe while I punch your teeth down your fuckin throat."

-Also just saw over there that Brett Myers is going to the pen. I gotta say... i kinda like that move. I can see him as a set up guy, plus now fans can heckle him in the pen. The 700 level kills it for philly sports blogging, no doubt.

-Damn I gotta get out and buy NIN's new disc "Year Zero." It is a concept album set 15 years from now in some sort Orwellian, Post-Apocalyptic future. Plus it changes colors when you play it!

-VICTORINO! ground out. I am shocked. Color me shocked. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the problems with the Phillies start with Victorino and end with Howard. They need to start hitting.

-Shit I'm running out of ideas ... but wait, the Phillies are coming back a little. I really wanna see wife-beater come out of the pen and blow it. DOBBS with the clutch hit. I am going to assume his name is Lou Dobbs. *researching* Nope Greg Dobbs. Apparently Manuel called him "hotter than a bitch in heat" during spring training. I seriously wish Charlie would kick Howard Eskins ass. That would be freakin awesome.

-Thats all I got, so just to keep this whole adult swim argument going, there is no way robot chicken is overated. At all.
And now to NOT back up my blanket statement, here is the first half of the Dethclown episode of Metalocalypse.

2 and 6 babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Yeah thats right, you all will remember the night it all turned around for the 2007 Philadelphia Phillies. A cold night at Shea that was delayed when a cat ran across the outfield. I think it was a tabby.

But really I am writing this just to call Denevi out. I see your name up there right next to mine as a contributor to this blog. But what have you contributed? One lousy post that culminated in a Cincinnati-chili joke, the Ice Cube commercial and a bunch of comments where you call me baller. Queer.

Sure the Ice Cube commercial was solid gold, but I've gotten more out of my sister's travel blog. Its baseball season you son of a bitch. Where's that rapist wit that penned the epic "Jeff Shulman dragon" e-mail? Where I ask?

Ooooohhhh, you had to take your new computer back thrice, cause it didn't work. wah wah. That's what you get for not buying your shit from a Russian guy in the parking lot of Best Buy. Craigslist is a wonderful thing.

Imagine Ivan Drago saying, "You want Photoshop? I hook you up."

Sure my 5 key doesn't work anymore, but its no problem when a spare keyboard can be purchased for $7. On craigslist.

You probably went to the Apple store like a sucker. So here you go, enjoy.

not racist

Hatfield Dollar Dog Night

Watching the Phils play the Braves in the epic pitching matchup of Tim Hudson v. Cole Hamels. Its bottom 4, Victorino and Howard just got out, Utley's up, Imma liveblog it up for a minute. all times eastern

8:03- We got Harry the K in the house. He was extremely amused by "Happy the Pig" and "Frowny" the Phanatic. Old people are just like little kids and stoners. oooo ... shiny.

8:05- Utley flies out to end the inning.

8:06- Check out all the Phils batters' entrance music -- pretty good stuff over at the 700 Level. No more Holy Diver? Thats one more strike against Burrell. number 7 by my count.

8:10- Hamels is fucking dealing. Tim Hudson will be his 6th K of the night.

8:13- Bottom 5 now, still all bagels. We have a new Phillies announcer this year. None other than Gary Matthews Sr. Sarge in the house and not on HGH!

8:15- Aaron Rowand clearly has head injuries. Just look at his stance. Fucking Sped

8:16- Chris Wheeler just said that Phils catcher Carlos Ruiz is "deep in the box." And while I was typing that he just went yard. First hit of the night is a HR. CARLOS! RUIZ!

8:18- mmmm PBR

8:20- Yes, those managers do play hunches, sarge. Is sarge the replacement for Harry(soonly dead?) Just a hunch.

8:22- Hamels is a pitching god. Imagine Tom Glavine with Trevor Hoffman's change-up.

8:23- I smell a future "So bad its good: The Reaping." It smells like BO.

8:25- Rollins up, trying to make up for getting picked off earlier. You know J-Roll makes it rain. but not this time, 1 away. VICTORINO!

8:28- Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Tim Hudson. Where's Mike Hampton?

8:31- This game is flying by. End of the sixth less than an 1 1/2 hours in.

8:33- It would be awesome if the final was 1-0 with the only run on a HR by Carlos Ruiz. He's no Chris Coste, but what can you do. And typing that caused Andruw Jones to single.

8:36- Harry and Sarge are repeating each other. Terrible. Sarge tries to recover by talking about how much it hurts the catcher when the ball hits him. Hamels is unfazed by the commentary, striking out Francouer.

8:38- Clearly Cole needs a fanclub. If we can have the "Padilla Flotilla" and the "Wolf Pack" not to mention "Sal's Pals" he deserves one. Suggestions are welcome.

8:40- Holy shit Burrell is getting booed for not getting to a texas-leaguer in left. IT'S ONLY THE SECOND GAME OF THE SEASON PEOPLE. Burrell needs to be traded, unfortunately.

8:43- Cole just had a web gem. Decision time, Harry? Shut up, Charlie is totally leaving him in. AND he gets out of the jam.

8:46- Dodge Stump the Fans -- Who was the was the winning pitcher when the phils clinched the 1993 NLCS in Game 6?
Tommy Greene

8:48- Base hit Burrell. Michael Bourn Identity in to pinch run. No Dice, Wes Helms hits into what will be one of many many his DPs this season.

8:50- Hamels is at 114 pitches -- doubt he's coming back. Four pitch walk to for Sped, I mean Rowand.

8:52- And yeah Hamels is clearly done as he is being interviewed in the clubhouse right now. WTF. The phils are still at bat. Sped just stole 2nd.

8:53- "Hamels' Whores?" sorry

8:56- The latino David Bell is in as a defensive replacement at third base. Niiiiice.

8:59- Who the hell is pitching for the phils? Lefty? time to peruse my 2007 Phillies media guide. Ahh Matt Smith. Best 10 bucks I ever spent on a drunken impulse.

9:02- Its Geoff Geary time. Top eight in a 1-0 game. My god the Phils bullpen is weak. This is your setup man? Really? When Flash gets hurt it could get Sam Cassell ugly.

9:04- I am praying right now. Fuck you ump that was a strike.

9:07- Still the same at bat. Chipper needs to break his face right here.

9:09- Chipper walked, but Andruw grounded out on the first pitch. Geoff Geary scares me.

9:10- Holy shit grindhouse looks fucking epic. As my co-worker told me her son said, "I'm glad Jesus was resurrected so I can go see Grindhouse."

9:13- Insurance run? Anyone? Victorino?

9:16- Rollins steals second, goes to third on the shitty throw. Victorina lines one into the left field corner. ahhh 2-0 thats nice.

9:17- Victorina gets thrown out trying to steal third with Ryho up. That was stupid. Flyin' Hawaiian my ass.

9:19- Ryho walks, only to get thrown out at home when Utley hits one off the right field wall. Garbage, but its time for flash gordon. Honestly what kind of nickname is that?


9:26- While I posted that Brian McCann just hit a game-tying home run. Fuck it I'm done with this. Something coming when the game ends.


Sped struck out to end the game in the eleventh. Ryan Madson already has 2 losses out of the pen. Its only the second game of the season. I am numbed up by the 4 PBRs. Adam Eaton is the next phillies starter.

I'll post some of the best lines in predator to cheer myself up.
RUNNNN -- GET TO THE CHOPPAH
What's the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils?

Pat Burrell goes down on dudes

"That's why I call him Pat "Wheels" Burrell."
-Me, to the business editor, after the left-fielder/adonis scored from first on a ball over Andruw Jones head(!) this afternoon.

Also today was the first ever time "Too High!" actually worked when a Brave infielder muffed a pop-up.

Man I'm glad baseball is back. As long as Dice-K doesn't commit any balks we are all good. SUPER MEGA POWER GYROBALL FIRE NINJA PITCH EXPLOSION-SAN!

Kudos: The Onion


And in closing, for no apparent reason, chicks who love guns.

win the lottery

Sixers could be so fucking real if they lose. Go for the odds you stupid fucks. GREG ODEN.

Iguodala is for real, but only as a sidekick. He's like a cross between Scottie Pippen and Kobe Bryant.




I like the part where he hits his head on the backboard. Also the backside windmill.
Nate Robinson is a little bitch. I could kick his ass, metaphorically.

thats a shame

For all those depressed eagles fans out there, enjoy this.
Its Eagles highlights from 2004(?) set to Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up"




And remember, theres always Romo

Its a bird ... Its a plane ...

ITS B-DAWK!

So there's kind of a big game on Saturday. Playoff game in the Superdome. I'm going to avoid making a Katrina joke, cause thats just in bad taste.

This mspaint masterpiece is from Kissing Suzy Kolber.

I do think thats how G-Dub wears his hats.

Why I like Chelsea

In my 20 odd years as a Philadelphia sports fan, I have undergone all kinds of agony.

So close and yet so far: Eagles go to 4 straight NFC championship games, yet fail to win a Super Bowl. What is this, Buffalo?

Incandescent and irreplaceable: A great player who defies description ends up leaving town without a championship after an acrimonious fallout. Witness the current saga involving Iverson. Please let him go to Miami Denver. And don't get me started on TO.

Inevitable yet frustrating: I was at a World Series game(4) at the late Veterans Stadium, where the Phillies lost 15 to 14. Followed by the inevitable Joe Carter HR in game 6. I'm just glad I was young enough when this happened that most of the negative memories have been blocked.

Mythological: '64 Phillies lose the pennant after being up 6 1/2 games with 12 to play. Chico Ruiz stealing home was the start of it all. I don't even know who Chico Ruiz is, but I hate him.

Idiotic: Within our constant anguish, Philadelphia sports fans are portrayed and seen as boorish, stupid, insane, drunk and even racist. This probably bothers me worse than anything my teams have done. After all, I can't do anything about what the Phillies or Eagles actually do on the field, but I am a philly fan and that gives me some kind of responsibility to our collective national perception, in theory.
We don't all eat cheesesteaks you stupid fucks.


ANYWAY, as I increasingly become a fan of the English Premier League (EPL), I find myself able to root for whichever team I choose. I had brief flings with Arsenal, Liverpool and Everton, but I think Chelsea is the team for me. They have won the last two EPL titles. Even the nickname given to them by their rival fans -- Chelski -- is badass.
And they have Didier Drogba, who provided the fantastic late goal that may just propel them to another league title.

It would be the first championship a team I support has ever won.



edit: they lost

Bomb the system

OK sorry, I have to put this up, just be glad its not a tool video.



Also--old news, Ryan Howard IS MVP.

Happy Thanksgiving

A couple of go-go 80s reaganauts like us? We could rule this world.
No question.
If only someone would give us a shot.
They're scared of our raw power! But if you want a job, i could beg everyone at the company where I work.
Awesome, awesome to the Max.
/Scruffy

I am thankful for Wolfmother in concert. Like watching Led Zepplin in 1970, except with a pit. MY neck is still sore from getting down. They played Joker and the Thief with a nervous breakdown. Think about it. Plus the straight-up Soundgarden riff in the middle via COLLOSUS. sweet sweet encore.

The bassist/keyboard ran the stage -- only dude in the electric factory that smoked a cig in public. Not to say there wasn't smoke.
Lead guitar/vocals rocked the fro, and the guitar over his head.
Drummer beat that like a cop on a black man in LA.

(aside: this was the best show i have seen since Saturday night at Woodstock 99, ie Limp Biscuit, Rage against the Machine and Metallica)

But anyway, what am I actually thankful for? I'm gonna keep it simple. 5 sports figures.

5- Donovan McNabb. He should be higher. But I gotta put five at 5.

4- Andre Iguodala. AI squared.

3- AI. You talkin bout practice.

2- Ryan Howard. NL MVP, not on drugs.

1- Anyone that can fucking win a championship.

Normally, I think Bono's a douchebag, but...

Silly rock stars and your implausible scenarios. And if you wonder why i dislike Bono, check out the glasses.


But seriously, the Eagles loss to the Jags put me in a funk like no other. Chanting "Iverson for president" or "AI for prez" and the miraculous finding of Siter's ticket only lightens the mood so much.

First I took the whole "we're nothing but a small speck of dust in the universe" approach, how much does an Eagles loss mean anyways? The answer was nothing. But ended up being too depressing.

Then I realized -- fuck the universe, there's way more important shit than the Eagles here on good old Earth. What with our future of humanity and what have you.

So yeah, in conclusion, vote.

THE KICK IS UP ............................GOOD!

Thanks Merrill, that 5 second delay helped. Seriously.

Matt Bryant's longest FG this season before today was 28 FUCKING yards. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING KICKER. Sorry my creativity is all gone to be replaced with multiple f bombs.

I will now walk around in a daze for the next 3 days.
Just glad this shit doesn't bother me as much as it used to, or I'd be recreating scenes from Requiem for a Dream before the end of the season.

Whats the record for most losses on the last play of the game in a single season?

on a lighter note

Pat Burrell loves outfield assists in games that start a half hour before midnight.

We have a Nook Logan sighting!

sitting here watching the Phils blow their season. lets try a little live blog--

Here we are in RFK via WC. Its bottom 10 Phils and Nats tied at 6. Announcers are Harry Kalas and Chris Wheeler.

10.47: Jimmy Rollins juggles, flips to a Chase Utley who is ducking out of the way. Terrible. I think the error is on J-Roll, but can they both get and error please? Awesome here is alfonso soriano!

10.48: Geoff Geary, K, ok he's not the worst member of the phillies pen.

10.50: Ok top 11, Rick White is getting up in the philly pen. Not good when his best contribution to the team is congratulating offensive players after homers via the bullpen phone.

10.52: Victorino fly out to center.

10.54: Here's Utley. I have no idea who is pitching for the Nats, but he has at least 15 letters in his last name.

10.55: Fly out to center

10.56: The big man is up, or as I like to call him RY-HO. Intentional walk

10.57: RyHo isn't being held on to the shock of Wheeler. This inning is over.

10.58: OK wow WB Mason has a new commercial. Somehow I find this more irritating than the old jingle that made me want to headbutt many a nearby object. Remember, anyone but WB Mason.

11:00: Zimmerman is now on first somehow. Stupid Ryan Zimmerman. Why are you so good?

11.02: Houston and Buccos(?) are in the top of 12, also 6-6

11.04: Someone named Mike Campbell(Gamble?) just flew out to center.

11.06: Christ, Wheeler, please get off your knees and stop blowing Victorino. His arm is like a LASER!

11.07: Zimmerman to second on sac bunt. Here comes Nook. Beware his fearsome array of bunts! I'm not going to lie, it seems the Nats love to bunt.

11.07: Logan grounds out to Nunez, aka the hispanic David Bell. Here comes 12!

11.10: Its Chris Coste time! Best 33-year-old rookie catcher ever. Old 15-letter still pitching for the Nats. Pretty sure Harry has no idea how to say his name. Harry=OLD.

11.11: Coste base hit.

11.12: Michael Bourne sac bunt

11.13: Wheeler says the Dodger game is 6-4 in the ninth. BUT WHO IS WINNING? Fuck it I'm opening gamecast.

11.14: Heres the hispanic David Bell, bounces out to second. Coste to third.

11.17: Ruiz pop out. That was awe inspiring.

11.20: Clay Condrey pitching now? Where's Wayne Gomes when you need him.

11.21: Rick White no runs one hit. Although Harry in the 12th is unreliable at best.

11.22: Grounder to 2nd. Utley successfully throws 45 feet! YES! Phils have a chance

11.23: Fly out left. Here comes Castro, Bernie Castro?

11.24: Ground out to Utley. 1-2-3 for the force that is Clay Condrey.

11.26: Top 13! Top of the order. This game started at 7:05. Thank god I only started blogging in the 10th.

11.27: Jroll ground out. Here's VICTORINO!

11.28: Flyin Hawaiian with a base hit up the middle.

11.29: Utley, 3-5 on the day. It sounds like the only people still in the stadium are phillies fans. Gotta love RFK.

11.31: Harry: The Vengabus is here at RFK. No response from Wheeler.

11.32: TOO HIGH! Chase pops out to second.

11.33: Intentional walk for RyHo. It will be up to Jeff Conine. I legitimately wish Burrell was up right now.

11.36: Conine strikes out. Damn you old man!

11.37: Wow they just showed a 10 second WB mason commercial. But now we got highlights. Dodgers win. Lame. But Padres lose to Cards. PUJOL POWER!

11.39: Condrey, Dealing. Strike out.

11.40: Soriano with the weak ass looper to Jroll in shallow left.

11.41: Zimmerman turns 22 in 20 minutes. Well thats fucking great. Phils have no one up in the pen. Fly out to center. 14th baby!

11.44: Coste up, no one better to lead off an inning. Oh wait, he's fucking mashing, stand up double to the alley in right center.

11.45: Michael Bourne! Bunt Single! Castro (covering first) showed off the 35 inch vertical to keep it in the infield.

11.47: Ground out to short. Bourne to second. Here comes Jose Hernandez to pinch hit for Condrey. Keeping it real.

11.48: For the love of god please just get a hit. also, astros just took a lead over pirates. Not sure why I care about that game.

11.49: Grounder, Coste thrown out at home. Going on contact. sigh.

11.50: LINE DRIVE HIT TO RIGHT! JROLL TRIPLES IN A PAIR!

11.51: Victorino tries to squeeze his way on, but is thrown out at first. Close play. Going to bottom 14, Phils up 8-6.

11.54: Here comes Fabio Castro to pitch for the Phils. Someone named Beltran Perez is on the on deck circle to pinch hit for, I guess, the nationals pitcher. Hooray Beer!

11.56: Robert Fick single off Conines glove in shallow left. Burrell would have made that play. Or not.

11.57: The aforementioned Beltran Perez, a pitcher, just got a base hit to right. This game will never end. Two men on with no out.

11.58: Castro bunts. Error, bases now drunk with nobody out. Good thing we got someone named Fabio on the mound.

11.59: My prediction is Ryan Church bases clearing double to end the game.

12.00: Fly out to center. run scores. Victorino's golden arm keeps runners on 1st and 2nd

12.01: DOUBLE PLAY BALL TO UTLEY! JROLL TURNS IT! ITS OVER! Phils 1 game back in the wild card with 4 to play. Fuck the Dodgers! And or Padres!

OK so that was kinda fun. Popped the old live-blogging cherry. I'm gonna go have a cig.

Top candidates for the Michael Irvin treatment

Back in the 90s, a memorable example of belligerent Philly fans was during a game against the hated triplet-era Cowboys. Michael Irvin suffered what looked to be a serious injury while being tackled to the notorious Veteran's stadium turf, by Tim Hauck of all people.
As Irvin lay motionless, the crowd cheered. Arguably the worst cheer ever. Needless to say, we Philly fans are big on schadenfreude. But remember, Irvin ended up being fine, going on to many more "Jacked Up!" segments and lines of coke.
Nevertheless, this is often pointed to as a classic example of how awful Philly fans are, really, the lowest of the low. After all, we booed freaking Santa Claus. The symbol of Christmas!

Anyway, to mark the upcoming start of the NFL: here some athletes that could potentially receive the Michael Irvin treatment.

Terrell Owens: You were expecting Sal Fasano? Seriously, if you need to know why TO is hated in Philly, turn on ESPN for 5 minutes.

Barry Bonds: Not sure how this kind of terrible injury could happen in baseball -- maybe he gets clocked in the face with a pitch. I don't think Philly fans would cheer if that happened to Bonds, especially not the baseball crowd. But if he were to suddenly suffer a horrible leg injury while jogging from second to third, thats a different story.

JD Drew: If he were to take a Brett Myers heater to the eye, the cheering would be loud and long. And yes, I really want to see the Phils play the Dodgers in the playoffs this year.

Tie Domi: Flyers fans are almost as angry as Eagles fans at this point, inexplicably, I think, because hockey blows. But from what I know of my hockey-fan friends, Tie Domi is someone who would get no sympathy.

Scott Stevens: If he's still around. See above.

Eric Lindros: I think the fans would be more likely to cheer a car accident involving his Dad, Carl. Even though he was a concussion-prone oaf, and he was acquired in the hockey version of the Herschel Walker trade, he doesn't inspire that particular kind of ire amid Flyers faithful.

Eli Manning: The whole "annointed in New York as savior" thing wears thin pretty quick here in the city of brotherly love. Although I think an Eli injury would result less in cheers and more in laughter. At least from me.

Thats all I can think of right now. If there are more candidates, hit up the comments.

blatant Phillies love

Man up you fucking bitches. Rowand leads the fucking way and now he's out, again.

But seriously, win the god-forsaken NL wild card, just look at the other the other contenders.

Reds? Please. Aaron Harang/Bronson Arroyo is their #1 starter.

Diamondbacks? garbage.

Padres? Better pitching staff, but seriously. Josh Barfield? Trevor Hoffman cannot be trusted.

Giants? Bonds=done. Moist Ass's urine will not save you now.

My case: Phils got top 5 NL offense, plus a pitching staff that keeps them in games. Witness. Lieber is throwing strikes. Brett Myers beats down hitters like they're his wife. Hamels is 'hollywood'. Wolf has been rebuilt, better than he was before. And Mathieson, well, he kinda reminds me of Danny Jackson.

You heard it here first: If the fightins make the playoffs, they are your NL World Series team.

VICTORINO!!!!!!!