Pat Burrell goes down on dudes

"That's why I call him Pat "Wheels" Burrell."
-Me, to the business editor, after the left-fielder/adonis scored from first on a ball over Andruw Jones head(!) this afternoon.

Also today was the first ever time "Too High!" actually worked when a Brave infielder muffed a pop-up.

Man I'm glad baseball is back. As long as Dice-K doesn't commit any balks we are all good. SUPER MEGA POWER GYROBALL FIRE NINJA PITCH EXPLOSION-SAN!

Kudos: The Onion


And in closing, for no apparent reason, chicks who love guns.

Breaking: Borat is on Conan

But first -- Jeff Foxworthy. Curse you Jay Leno! Surely posting the penguin shark will fill the time.







Its only known predator is the killer bearwhale.










Hmm ... still Jeff Foxworthy, must continue.

"We should invade Iran, it would only take 300 men."
-Stephen Colbert

Guhhh, Foxworthy knows where the sympatic membrane is. The EAR. This is inane and terrible. Must find more photos.

Well this picture is hilarious.
ahh ballers with randoms -- so good.


Dudes fucking ran across the Sahara. The tonight show is garbage.

OK ten minutes til Conan. What else?
Infamous moments in Saturday Night Live history can definitely kill some time.

Agggggggghhhh musical guest. Dirks Bentley? Shoot me in the face.
Must assuage pain with badass music video

this is a test

I saw this driving back from Vermont this past weekend. I'm going to say it was somewhere in Doylestown.

Compare that with the beautiful Albany skyline.I would rather kill myself than look at that everyday.

Not much else, besides the miracles of modern drunken ingenuity.

And this is random -- not as good as the penguin shark, but still ...

I'm a soldier

Since I haven't updated in a while I'm gonna throw some crap up here and see if it sticks.


Don't underestimate banana's role in the war on terror. In other words -- THE WAR ON TERROR IS TOTALLY BANANAS! That "my hands are bananas" video I posted a couple months back probably got me on the FBI's watch list. jerks.








FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO!










Uhhhh... apparently I am now the computer guy in the newsroom, which kind of sucks, but it does give me reason to be even more surly than normal. YOUR WELCOME!
Seriously though. Today I had to present the new computer system to some random suit named Nilay Pradesh (probably not his real name).






MALA-HALA-MALA MAHA-AHMALA.


what? no dirty work?



And since that probably doesn't make any sense I should probably wrap this up and stew over some sort of epic Shane Victorino vs. David Akers confrontation. PEACE

Everywhere: exploitation. Where's the rock?

"God is dead, and no one cares. If there is a hell, I'll see you there."
-NIN

So I was watching "Live from Baghdad" the other day. I think its a quality flick, mainly its insider journalistic shit. And something about the biggest rainforest ever and defacing the graveyard. That's deep.
It's Probably the best Michael Keaton performance outside of Batman. He's no George Clooney but it's still all true as far as I'm concerned. Peter Arnett is dead!


And here for your possible enjoyment is the five best X Files episodes ever as determined by me when I watched the entire series stoned senior year and then tried to remember.

5. Dreamland (2 parts) - This is the one where Mulder and the dude from Area 51 switch bodies. Probably wrong but I am too lazy to come up with something else.

4. Home - Fucked up inbred family. This episode was banned from reruns because it is disturbing as all hell. SPOILER ALERT! The mom has no arms or legs.

3. Bad Blood - Scully and Mulder recount a case of the mistaken vampire to hilarious effect. Oh Scully and Mulder, you are so different, yet so the same. Also they really were vampires.
Gypsy Vampires.

2. Jose Chung's from Outer Space - I still have no idea what the hell happens in this episode, but the mere appearance of Alex Trebek AND Jesse Ventura, teamed up no less, warrants its inclusion on this list.

1. Humbug - The intrepid agents respond to a mysterious call ... at the freak show. Needless to say, the late character actor Vincent Schiavelli (seen below) is a man whose little mutant conjoined twin lives inside his stomach when it isn't running around the circus area killing midgets. That. Just. Happened.