I am productive

After being bitten by a radioactive sloth, I gained the ability to watch no less than 20 hours of sports last weekend. And now you get to hear about it. Huzzah!

Got off to a strong start by sleeping through most of the the Arsenal-Birmingham English Premier League game. They tied, which was an upset. Arsenal should not be dropping points at home a just-promoted side. I blame Hleb.
Of course, if you know what that means, you also know that Arsenal only picking up one point meant they left the door open for Manchester United to take over first place with a win in the next game against Newcastle. After a scoreless first half, ManU's Christiano Ronaldo was all like "KICK BALL, BLARGH" and they scored 500 goals (actually 6). As always, watching ManU reminded me of "Euro Trip." Cause that movie is good xenophobic.

After briefly leaving my apartment to J it up, I watched some college basketball. Specifically, UConn knocked off No. 8 Georgetown Georgetown held off UConn and Kentucky beat Vanderbilt in 2 OTs. Pretty exciting stuff. The Sixers should draft Roy Hibbert, what with his ability to hit game-winning threes.

But who gives a shit about college basketball before March? Mohamed Hachad? Lets get to the good stuff.

Go Pack Go: The first half in Green Bay was wildly entertaining. Brett Favre in the snow, what more do you want? I decided before this game to jump on the Green Bay bandwagon. Of all the remaining teams they seem to be the most appealing, right Charles? Of course, when I jumped on the bandwagon it almost swerved off the road, via Ryan Grant fumbling on two of the first three plays of the game. But wheelman Favre was able to straighten her out thanks to his old man powers -- not to mention my half-hearted, drunken cheers. Also of note: Have you heard about this new game console, the Atari Bigby? It hits hard.

Fucking Patriots: Belichick, Brady and the juggernaut that is New England rolls on. The Jag-wires gave it a good effort, I guess. What I didn't know is that David Garrard has Crohn's disease and a white wife. Not sure how those two things fit together, but it'll come. Someday. Anyway, my mother always said if you don't have anything to say, don't say anything at all, so here's Ricegirl's surely coherent take.


Moving on. Sunday once again began with a little English soccer. The game wasn't great (Blackburn-Bolton), but it still perfectly killed those two hours from 11 to 1 pm, avoiding all the pregame garbage. Blackburn scored on a ridiculous 60-yard run from late-game sub Jason Roberts in the 90th minute to win 2-1. It was no Messi, but still pretty impressive.

Bolts over Colts: If I learned one thing from this game, it's that you can't stop Billy Volek, you can only hope to contain him. Shawne Merriman eats babies full of steriods. It's just amazing that the Chargers could pull this out after injuries to both Ladanian and Philip Rivers (now a good QB for some reason).

BRRRAAAAAAINNNNNNNS!!

Don't cry for me, Tony Romo: At first there was hope that both the Giants and Cowboys could lose, but apparently the so-called "rules of the game" prevent that from happening. So then I thought perhaps a giant dinosaur could run amok in Texas Stadium, or Ron Paul's blimp would crash onto the field, killing everyone. Alas, twas not to be. But in retrospect the end result was as good as it could have turned out. I mean, TO crying. Plus we get another week of bonus "Did Romo + Jessica Simpson cost the Cowboys" speculation from unqualified experts and observers. This man's opinion: It clearly did. Long live the Eli Manning! At least until next week.