Breaking: Drunk man does something stupid

Sometimes when I'm bored at work, I go on the AP wire and search for anything with the "ODD" slug.

Note to non-journos: "Slug" refers to what an article is called within the newsroom or on the wire. Usually they are more direct and to the point than what you will see in the paper. Some could be offensive to the sensibilities of Joe Reader (read: Borderline illiterate moron). My favorite all-time slug remains "Baby as Weapon" which was a long running series of articles about some woman in western Pa. who tried to beat her boyfriend by swinging her infant child by the feet.

Anyway, today I came across this article slugged "Drunken Mowing" and thought I'd share it.

ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) -- A man was charged with drunken driving after going through two bottles of wine, cutting through a snowstorm on his lawn mower and riding down the center of the street to reach a liquor store, authorities said.

Police found Frank Kozumplik, 49, homeward bound on a John Deere tractor Saturday night, toting four bottles of wine in a paper bag, officials said.

He told officers that his wife had taken their car to work, and that the mower was the only way he could reach the store, two miles from home.

His blood alcohol level was 2½ times Michigan's legal driving limit of 0.08 percent, police told WLEN-FM. They arrested him and confiscated the mower.

Ha ha. Michigan is like Wisconsin's ugly sister. Or more attractive cousin. I'm not really sure, these metaphors can get pretty confusing.

Seriously though, this guy needs help. And by help, I mean a ride home from the drunk tank because they confiscated his mower.