Anger is a gift

Because there isn't enough on the Internets that is barely comprehensible to the author, let alone any poor soul who stumbles across it and dares to attempt reading for comprehension...

Was he robbed of the asphalt that cushioned his face?





Is it possible fight a class war with guns?
Cause I think we got the numbers.
When Warren Buffet is bitching about paying too little taxes, I know there's something wrong.

And then you got old Newt. Honestly, when reading that Newt Gingrich may run for president, I can't help but think I am on the wrong side, living here the U.S.

We worship our own shit. Literally praying to the porcelain god.
Sure theres the whole Christianity thing we got going, what with the fundies and G-Dub and all, but lets get real. Does anyone with an IQ over 90 outside of Colorado Springs actually believe in the rapture? I mean seriously, Jesus Camp? WTF! Seeing insanity replace the golden rule makes me far more confident in my atheism.

People here care more about Paris Hilton grabbing Britney Spears' titty than they do about the lives of thousands of people who worship a slightly different god.


In the newsroom we joke that 1,000 Iraqis dead=1 American dead, for newsworthyness (not a word). There is a whole breakdown that could be its own post. And its funny cause its true. Gotta love dark humor.

So the question is -- Can history repeat itself?

The answer is most certainly yes, especially if you ignore the past.
A majority of Americans would gladly accept new insect fascist overlords, as long as quality television programming like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars remains uninterrupted.

This is the kind of thinking that can set me off into some serious depression, so I better stop now. Happy thoughts....

2 weeks til VEGAS BABY VEGAS! Digital camera in hand, that will make for some good blogging.

Happy Thanksgiving

A couple of go-go 80s reaganauts like us? We could rule this world.
No question.
If only someone would give us a shot.
They're scared of our raw power! But if you want a job, i could beg everyone at the company where I work.
Awesome, awesome to the Max.
/Scruffy

I am thankful for Wolfmother in concert. Like watching Led Zepplin in 1970, except with a pit. MY neck is still sore from getting down. They played Joker and the Thief with a nervous breakdown. Think about it. Plus the straight-up Soundgarden riff in the middle via COLLOSUS. sweet sweet encore.

The bassist/keyboard ran the stage -- only dude in the electric factory that smoked a cig in public. Not to say there wasn't smoke.
Lead guitar/vocals rocked the fro, and the guitar over his head.
Drummer beat that like a cop on a black man in LA.

(aside: this was the best show i have seen since Saturday night at Woodstock 99, ie Limp Biscuit, Rage against the Machine and Metallica)

But anyway, what am I actually thankful for? I'm gonna keep it simple. 5 sports figures.

5- Donovan McNabb. He should be higher. But I gotta put five at 5.

4- Andre Iguodala. AI squared.

3- AI. You talkin bout practice.

2- Ryan Howard. NL MVP, not on drugs.

1- Anyone that can fucking win a championship.

2 ships passing in the night

WTF, my roommate just left for work, not more than 2 hours after I got home from a particularly hellish stint in the old ink mine.

Imagine me, knee deep in whiskey at 4 am, and hey, there's Steve, random new roommate I've met like 4 times getting up and heading off to work by 4:20.

I just don't know what to make of it.
Earlier(1am) I was considering a conversion from atheism to the church of reality, but I thought better. The "church" uses the word real approximately 5 to the 10 times within its "teachings."
Its still better than christianity.

But anyway, my roommate is gone for the day so I'm gonna go trash this place.

Enjoyable: Detroit Rock City

I could say "so bad its good" but that wouldn't make sense, cause this movie isn't even bad. And I owe a good movie, cause after pimping XXX so hard a couple weeks back I feel dirty.
Anyway, Detroit Rock City kicks some serious ass.
If you haven't seen it, the plot is about 4 friends going to see a KISS concert in Detroit during the '70s. Imagine Dazed and Confused except Metal instead of Wooderson and ghetto-detroit instead of hick-texas.

Key scenes:

They break Jam out of some sort of boarding school by giving the head guy magic mushrooms, even though it creates one of the few plot holes. I plead the fifth on describing this if you don't understand.

Hawk starts his strip show by filling a pitcher with vomit.

Jam loses his virginity in a confessional. To a Jewish girl no less. Sacrilicious!

They throw a pizza slice onto the hood of a pontiac while driving down the highway.

Anything involving Stretch Armstrong.

Hawk trying to buy tickets off a scalper, and the scalper convinces Hawk of the quality of a KISS show with the phrase "big breasteses in tight vesteses."

HEY CHONGO!

Here's your Patriot Act!

Repeatedly tasering UCLA students for not showing ID?
Sounds like a good idea.

Here's the video.


A few thoughts:

- Yelling at cops about the patriot act and abuse of power never works. But kudos to that dude anyway, and I'm sure mucho volts running through your body has got to get that adrenaline pumping like a bastard.

- Pretty sure its hard to stand up after being tased.

- If you don't carry an ID on you at all times, you risk being tased.

I am sick to my stomach, back to some red hot NBA action!

Hey Mr. Jack, this is the cause of your demise

So I been neglecting the blog over the past couple weeks. Allow me to make it up to you with this skateboarding dog.



Just kidding here’s the video.




Best headline ever -- Judge:Burritos are not sandwiches

That’s all I got.

Normally, I think Bono's a douchebag, but...

Silly rock stars and your implausible scenarios. And if you wonder why i dislike Bono, check out the glasses.


But seriously, the Eagles loss to the Jags put me in a funk like no other. Chanting "Iverson for president" or "AI for prez" and the miraculous finding of Siter's ticket only lightens the mood so much.

First I took the whole "we're nothing but a small speck of dust in the universe" approach, how much does an Eagles loss mean anyways? The answer was nothing. But ended up being too depressing.

Then I realized -- fuck the universe, there's way more important shit than the Eagles here on good old Earth. What with our future of humanity and what have you.

So yeah, in conclusion, vote.

THE KICK IS UP ............................GOOD!

Thanks Merrill, that 5 second delay helped. Seriously.

Matt Bryant's longest FG this season before today was 28 FUCKING yards. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING KICKER. Sorry my creativity is all gone to be replaced with multiple f bombs.

I will now walk around in a daze for the next 3 days.
Just glad this shit doesn't bother me as much as it used to, or I'd be recreating scenes from Requiem for a Dream before the end of the season.

Whats the record for most losses on the last play of the game in a single season?

So bad its good -- XXX: State of the Union

Now I know what you are thinking. WTF? XXX: State of the Union? They couldn't even get Vin Diesel for that, and I refuse to see it on general principle. Well, sorry to say, but you are wrong.

Of course, it does have a few knocks against it. Such as the fact that its a sequel to a piece of garbage, the approximately 800 plot holes, and the fact that the director becomes an increasingly jump-cut/MTV-style "filmmaker" as it goes along, making the last half-hour borderline unwatchable.

But it has Ice Cube in his finest performance since, uh, All About the Benjamins? Plus SLJ and Willem Defoe in full-on "gotta make movies to get paid" mode. And a white guy who is constantly refered to as "college boy." So theres that.

Key scenes:
SLJ meets with Ice Cube in prison. Here's where you get some of that precious XXX backstory the viewers demand. Apparently Willem Defoe ordered SLJ and Cubes unit to start some sort of fire, burning civilians or something, and they refused emphatically. So emphatically that Cube was forced to break Defoe's jaw. The highlight of this exchange is SLJ turning his head to reveal a burn scar, to which Ice Cube says "I like what you did with your face."

Cube somehow jumps a boat onto a cop car, followed by him doing the slow motion walk in front of an explosion. Which somehow saves college boy from certain doom.

Any scene with Xzibit, who gets to finally play out his fantasy of owning a chop shop. What? He's got a show where he does that too?

The CGI shots of the capitol building. Not sure if they just couldn't get permission to shoot there, were too lazy, or just thought a CGI capitol would be cool. Personally I hope it was the latter.

Random throwaway line where they say Xander Cage (Vin Diesel from the first movie) was killed in Bora Bora. Well, that explains everything.

The final scene where Cube chases down the presidential bullet train(Guh?) by jumping a car onto the tracks, popping the tires and turing the car into some sort of tiny locomotive. Also Scott Speedman as NSA suit turned badass telling the president to jump into his awaiting arms while being suspended below a helicopter.

Actually, scratch that last one. And yes, I saw this in the theater.

And for your viewing pleasure and general edification, here's a random fan-created trailer I found.
BEWARE SPOILERS! Just kidding. Not really.

straight up breaking shit

Ah, destruction and or petty vandalism. I guess this counts as another episode of drunken tales. Good times.

A few specific instances illustrate my point. There are many more assorted streetsign-stealing, mailbox-knocking-over related incidents that lend to the memories, but these 2 stand out.

1> Throwing shit off the 4th floor sundeck. In the late KE fraternity (Epsilon Delta chaper) we used to toss random shit off our little patio where the fire escape met the roof. Of note were Mike Brown's filing cabinet, assorted couches and water balloons, both launched and thrown. For example. Launching balloons onto the sidewalk in front of the engineering building (aka Tech) while unsuspecting NU students were walking between classes.
Also throwing water balloons at football players, resulting in them throwing a football at the front of the house. Followed by future NFL draftee LB Billy Silva punching out a house window. All that remains is that I'm glad Silva and Kevin Bentley didn't kick my ass when I ran out to confront them. Stupid drunk.

2> Smashing cars aka Busting the hell out of a 1980 Honda with Alaska plates in Wisconsin. The car was clearly abandoned. The highlights were me kicking out the windshield (possibly my favorite thing I have ever done), and the Warden running inside to get a crowbar so he could properly smash out the headlights/windows. Cops are dumb.

Don't try this shit at home

Hands down, The Wire is the best show on TV. So many reasons to watch. Granted, I didn't get into it until this season(4) but it grabs you by the neck and don't let go.

Shit, Omar in jail alone will keep me watching every week, cause somebody's getting shanked with the glass knife. FO SHO.
Goes to show you though, a show can kill off one of its best characters(Stringer Bell) and move another into the background(McNulty), yet become arguably better for it.

Plus pretty much everyone on it is badass in their own way, with the possible exception of Namond Brice.

stuck in the middle with you

Doesn't it make you feel better? The pigs have won the war.
I know I had it coming. I know I can't be free.
Pain is an illusion.

Oh you crazy Germans, I can't stay mad at you

Beware the milky pirate? Sound advice, methinks.

So bad its good: Deep Blue Sea

I was going to write So bad its good: Jet Li's The One, but I can't remember enough about it. There is not one universe, but a MULTIVERSE.

So Deep Blue Sea it is. Renny Harlin's crowning achievement. As I always say, "Its as good as a movie about super-intelligent sharks can possibly be." I mean just look at the poster.

That shark is totally sneaking up on her! Also, the lead actresses name is Saffron. Like the herb.

In case you haven't seen it, which is inexcusable, its about a team of researchers led by saffron, Stellan Skarsgaard and SLJ in nerd mode. They work at an underwater research facility, where they are testing alzheimers medicine on sharks? Maybe? All I know is "The sharks got smarter." Also, LL Cool J is a wise-ass cook.

Anyway, Tom Jane brings his crack team of shark afficianados(or whatever, Jane knows sharks, in the biblical sense) down to the undersea facility, when a storm/helicopter crash floods the facility, setting the sharks on the hunt. On the hunt for humans. (sorry)


Key scenes
LL Cool J escapes from shark by climbing into his own oven. After the shark ate his pet parrot. The shark turns on the oven, cause it wants a hot meal of course. So LL uses the hatchet he happens have on his person to hack through to the upper oven, at which point he dives over the shark, which is still attacking the lower oven. Stupid super-intelligent sharks, when will you learn? He then delivers the classic one liner "You ate ma' bird." and throws his lighter back into the oven/shark region causing an explosion. I guess they were gas ovens.

Saffron strips down (wooo woooo!) because she must use her wetsuit for its non-conductive properties when she totally electrocutes another shark. Pretty sure this wouldn't work. Got my fingers crossed that they'll test it on Mythbusters, otherwise we may never know.

LL Cool J escapes death by stabbing a shark in the eye with his cross necklace.

And of course, the immortal scene where SLJ delivers a totally cliched inspirational speech, followed instantly by a shark eating him. Unfortunately I couldn't find a clip, but this 10 second highlight reel is chock full o' shark-bitey goodness.

on a lighter note

Pat Burrell loves outfield assists in games that start a half hour before midnight.

dark days for democracy

America's long path toward fascism took a big step forward today. Despite rational arguments,the "terrorist" detainee bill passed the Senate without the proposed amendment to save habeas corpus. Well that was a good concept while it lasted. A good eight centuries or so. Magna Carta? Anyone? Bueller?

So, Sieg Heil, Bush!

Good old midterm elections, nothing like the threat of attack ads saying you are "soft on terror" to get some sketchy ass legislation passed right quick. And the wiretap shit passed the House today as well. Fear-mongering RULES!
So yeah, congrats everyone, you can tell your grandkids you were there to see the downfall of the greatest civilization in the history of mankind. That is if you're not up against the wall when the revolution comes dead.

We have a Nook Logan sighting!

sitting here watching the Phils blow their season. lets try a little live blog--

Here we are in RFK via WC. Its bottom 10 Phils and Nats tied at 6. Announcers are Harry Kalas and Chris Wheeler.

10.47: Jimmy Rollins juggles, flips to a Chase Utley who is ducking out of the way. Terrible. I think the error is on J-Roll, but can they both get and error please? Awesome here is alfonso soriano!

10.48: Geoff Geary, K, ok he's not the worst member of the phillies pen.

10.50: Ok top 11, Rick White is getting up in the philly pen. Not good when his best contribution to the team is congratulating offensive players after homers via the bullpen phone.

10.52: Victorino fly out to center.

10.54: Here's Utley. I have no idea who is pitching for the Nats, but he has at least 15 letters in his last name.

10.55: Fly out to center

10.56: The big man is up, or as I like to call him RY-HO. Intentional walk

10.57: RyHo isn't being held on to the shock of Wheeler. This inning is over.

10.58: OK wow WB Mason has a new commercial. Somehow I find this more irritating than the old jingle that made me want to headbutt many a nearby object. Remember, anyone but WB Mason.

11:00: Zimmerman is now on first somehow. Stupid Ryan Zimmerman. Why are you so good?

11.02: Houston and Buccos(?) are in the top of 12, also 6-6

11.04: Someone named Mike Campbell(Gamble?) just flew out to center.

11.06: Christ, Wheeler, please get off your knees and stop blowing Victorino. His arm is like a LASER!

11.07: Zimmerman to second on sac bunt. Here comes Nook. Beware his fearsome array of bunts! I'm not going to lie, it seems the Nats love to bunt.

11.07: Logan grounds out to Nunez, aka the hispanic David Bell. Here comes 12!

11.10: Its Chris Coste time! Best 33-year-old rookie catcher ever. Old 15-letter still pitching for the Nats. Pretty sure Harry has no idea how to say his name. Harry=OLD.

11.11: Coste base hit.

11.12: Michael Bourne sac bunt

11.13: Wheeler says the Dodger game is 6-4 in the ninth. BUT WHO IS WINNING? Fuck it I'm opening gamecast.

11.14: Heres the hispanic David Bell, bounces out to second. Coste to third.

11.17: Ruiz pop out. That was awe inspiring.

11.20: Clay Condrey pitching now? Where's Wayne Gomes when you need him.

11.21: Rick White no runs one hit. Although Harry in the 12th is unreliable at best.

11.22: Grounder to 2nd. Utley successfully throws 45 feet! YES! Phils have a chance

11.23: Fly out left. Here comes Castro, Bernie Castro?

11.24: Ground out to Utley. 1-2-3 for the force that is Clay Condrey.

11.26: Top 13! Top of the order. This game started at 7:05. Thank god I only started blogging in the 10th.

11.27: Jroll ground out. Here's VICTORINO!

11.28: Flyin Hawaiian with a base hit up the middle.

11.29: Utley, 3-5 on the day. It sounds like the only people still in the stadium are phillies fans. Gotta love RFK.

11.31: Harry: The Vengabus is here at RFK. No response from Wheeler.

11.32: TOO HIGH! Chase pops out to second.

11.33: Intentional walk for RyHo. It will be up to Jeff Conine. I legitimately wish Burrell was up right now.

11.36: Conine strikes out. Damn you old man!

11.37: Wow they just showed a 10 second WB mason commercial. But now we got highlights. Dodgers win. Lame. But Padres lose to Cards. PUJOL POWER!

11.39: Condrey, Dealing. Strike out.

11.40: Soriano with the weak ass looper to Jroll in shallow left.

11.41: Zimmerman turns 22 in 20 minutes. Well thats fucking great. Phils have no one up in the pen. Fly out to center. 14th baby!

11.44: Coste up, no one better to lead off an inning. Oh wait, he's fucking mashing, stand up double to the alley in right center.

11.45: Michael Bourne! Bunt Single! Castro (covering first) showed off the 35 inch vertical to keep it in the infield.

11.47: Ground out to short. Bourne to second. Here comes Jose Hernandez to pinch hit for Condrey. Keeping it real.

11.48: For the love of god please just get a hit. also, astros just took a lead over pirates. Not sure why I care about that game.

11.49: Grounder, Coste thrown out at home. Going on contact. sigh.

11.50: LINE DRIVE HIT TO RIGHT! JROLL TRIPLES IN A PAIR!

11.51: Victorino tries to squeeze his way on, but is thrown out at first. Close play. Going to bottom 14, Phils up 8-6.

11.54: Here comes Fabio Castro to pitch for the Phils. Someone named Beltran Perez is on the on deck circle to pinch hit for, I guess, the nationals pitcher. Hooray Beer!

11.56: Robert Fick single off Conines glove in shallow left. Burrell would have made that play. Or not.

11.57: The aforementioned Beltran Perez, a pitcher, just got a base hit to right. This game will never end. Two men on with no out.

11.58: Castro bunts. Error, bases now drunk with nobody out. Good thing we got someone named Fabio on the mound.

11.59: My prediction is Ryan Church bases clearing double to end the game.

12.00: Fly out to center. run scores. Victorino's golden arm keeps runners on 1st and 2nd

12.01: DOUBLE PLAY BALL TO UTLEY! JROLL TURNS IT! ITS OVER! Phils 1 game back in the wild card with 4 to play. Fuck the Dodgers! And or Padres!

OK so that was kinda fun. Popped the old live-blogging cherry. I'm gonna go have a cig.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news

Recently it has entered the lexicon that the Iraq war not helping the "war on terror". This is a shame. It's like Vietnam times computers.

But anywho, I wonder what this all will do? With voter angst pushing the democrats toward control of congress, who is to say what will happen?

I have my money on democrats taking control and pulling US troops out of Iraq so quick that that the whole region descends into chaos. And then we can't get any of our precious oil.

Again, sorry.

Topics on which to not get me started

Do not bring up these subjects with me unless you want a crazy rant. Especially if I am shitfaced.

Insurance companies: So wrong in so many ways. Seriously, do not get me started.
Global Warming, or as it should be called, Climate Change.
SUVs: do you need an explanation?
Corporate culture: Mainly because I am being raped by it. Always remember, shit flows downhill.
Mike Mamula/Eagles drafts: I cheered when the drafted Donny Mac Nabb, and I think I was the only one.
The Legal/Justice/Prison system: don't work for the most part. Institutionalizes anyone involved, again, for the most part.
Electoral College/Voting: outdated bullshit to maintain the status quo.
War on anything as a part of the lexicon. ie "War on Drugs" or "War on Terror." How can you declare war on a method of warfare or something people put into their bodies? I declare war on drinking.

Ok I'm done, for now.

Sword Fight

I am of the opinion that Milwaukee is a hellhole.

This is the main reason.

During college, we took a road trip up to Marquette University, which, in case you didn't know, is in Milwaukee.

Night of belligerence involving box of wine, apartment parties and box of wine.

Eventually we make it back to the condo where we are staying. Mueller and I decide that its a good idea to go out on the 2nd floor balcony and heckle/talk shit to people walking by.

After some indiscriminate amount of time, some guy walks by wearing one glove, so I start yelling various Michael Jackson related insults. He responds by inviting me downstairs to settle our differences

I accept, mostly due to liquid courage. But since I am rolling out alone against Michael Jackson and his crew of 3-4 I decide to bring a weapon. Looking around the condo, theres a bag of golf clubs, a mini wooden bat and a broadsword.

I choose sword and run downstairs to the front stoop brandishing it like Inigo Montoya.

At this point its kind of a blur, but in essence Mr. Jackson was crazier than me that day.

He came straight at me. I promptly realized I had chosen wrong. What the hell could I do with the sword. I'm not going to run him through like some sort of pirate.
And while I hesitated he got me into a full nelson. But I am still brandishing the sword, effectively keeping his friends off me.

"Drop the sword!"
"Let me go, I'll drop the sword!"
Etc. A stalemate.

At this point some other dude probably named Karl(who apparently knows judo and likes to fight) rushed out the front door. He stands there for a second sizing up the situation, and one of Michael's friends runs up and punches him in the face. They start scuffling and general mayhem ensues. During which Mueller is throwing beer bottles that are shattering all over the front porch.

Eventually the guy who punched Karl starts screaming, "YOU BIT MY FUCKING FINGER OFF"

And in fact, Karl had done just that. I see the guy holding his hand with a flap of skin keeping his pinky still attached.
Apparently Old Nine Finger had given Karl a fishhook, so Karl had chomped down, clear through the bone.

That ended the fight, and I retired back to the condo, where I cleaned up my foot, due to a piece of broken glass had sliced my big toe clear to the bone. Thanks Mueller.