Monday, May 07, 2007

Jackie Robinson is rolling in his grave

Here we go, finally. This is the IM conversation TMoney and I had on Saturday afternoon during the Phillies-Giants game. A mere 7 hour time difference! The interweb rulz.
I tried to put in some editors notes that could add to the overall comprehensibility of this. But there is only so much you can do.
Also, sorry about the pandas.

TMoney:: Jimmy Rollins, reading the pregame lineup , refers to Pat Burrell as the guy with two left feet, Abraham the preacher man nunez, and Rod happy cinco de mayo Bajrajas--and to himself as the bay area's true favorite son
TMoney:: holla
TMoney:: JRo definitely smokes pot with white people
Thope:: just like Delonte West
TMoney:: I don't know who that is but I agree
Thope:: nba player ...
TMoney: Did Delonte really push his wife? Or is that a euphamism for pistol whip?
Thope: sure
TMoney: I support that
Thope: a little pistol whip never hurt anyone

TMoney:: by the way, Mark Grace of the ugly girl sex is announcing
TMoney:: along with Duane Kuiper, who hit one major league home run in 15 seasons
Thope:: well at least we're hearing the same shit
Thope:: behold the power of Duane
Thope:: I am going to name my kid Duane, boy or girl
TMoney:: damn you speedy awa drinker! (hawaii liquor reference)

TMoney:: Bonds looks especially enhanced today
Thope:: tint of green?
TMoney:: mmmm. hulkish

TMoney: Jro hittin 3? What a G.

The giants catcher threw the ball into centerfield

Thope: wheres Bobby Estallela when you need him?
TMoney: in jail
Thope: really?
TMoney: maybe Fresno

TMoney: nice 0-2 curveball, you cocksucking lefty
Thope: lowry=jamie moyer minus experience
TMoney: And minus death
TMoney: J-Ro's sunglasses make him look like one of the snappy pilots from Iron Eagles. A Billy Dean Williams imitator if you will

I believe he is referring to Louis Gossett Jr. but I could be wrong.

Another Giants throwing error

Thope: ahahahahahaha
TMoney: do you hear clown music
Thope: yes
TMoney: Bonds hates all these weak infielders. He's gonna hit his mistress tonight
Thope: as he should

Thope:: What time is it there?
TMoney:: just past 10. I think the sun is finally up
TMoney:: sweet colonial outpost that spawned Victorino
Thope:: did you ever see his ridiculous homepage?

TMoney: Sweeney--don't fucking mention that Bonds sold you out to the MLB like a hooker on crack...he's a dud
TMoney: Though Lowry does like looking at himself naked...who wouldn't, really.
TMoney: Not gay.
Thope: my roommate keeps flipping to golf
Thope: that time was strike 2, next time I break something
TMoney: My roommate is 8 months pregnant and going shopping for me. Man food.
Thope: well played

TMoney: Lance Barksdale!
Thope: i think the eagles just drafted his relation
TMoney: It reminds me of the Wire
TMoney: It was so sad when Stringer Bell got got. Fuck. Why wouldn't they let him live his American Dream?

Thope: are you disappointed about the end of the Lance Niekro era?
TMoney: I wanted him euthanized Barbaro style--gun to mouth
TMoney: the onion pic says it all
Thope: that made my month

TMoney: The stupid Gillette ad makes the players look like Jesus-Angels. Fox is so over the top.
TMoney: And Ryan Klesko is not good.
Thope: how bono
Thope: what?
TMoney: huh?
Thope: I don't know what that is
TMoney: behind home plate. FUSION
Thope: I require more blades
TMoney: to feed my growing face

TMoney: Bonds batting fourth sucks, by the way, especially when Ry-Han Kles-Go hits 3rd
Thope: yeah
Thope: ryho aint playing today
TMoney: Where's Ho-dog. Doesn't hit lefties?
Thope: he's batting like .100 against them
TMoney: That's like one-third his weight
Thope: Ryho leads the league in getting thrown out at home
TMoney: Victorino is a bad influence on him

Thope: Wes Helms .... why?
TMoney: Shouldn;t he be pumping gas in Atlanta?
Thope: or maybe Alabama somewhere
Thope: Birmingham?
TMoney: Deeper. The port city of steel. Or is that Birmingham?

TMoney: Ha ha ha. Mexican is a derogatory term
Thope: it sure is
TMoney: Have another cocktail, Mark Grace
Thope: My god the giants are terrible
TMoney: like a fox?
Thope: Dave Roberts?
Thope: i'm sorry
TMoney: DRo. not so much
Thope: Randy Winn is their 2nd best hitter
TMoney: But Bonds eats babies, so we got that going for us
Thope: baby-eating is an underrated stat

TMoney: Little Ray Durham. Fancy said he met a stripper on the south side he claimed to have had Ray's baby. I don't see why not.
Thope: makes sense to me

Thope: i'm thinking the title of this post will be "Jackie Robinson is turning in his grave?
Thope: my punctuation skills are amazing
TMoney: That's why I blog anonymously
TMoney: Thank ye, Medill gods
Thope: it makes sense though
TMoney: because of the controversy
Thope: phillies=last team w/ black player
TMoney: Giants=liberal and pro gay
Thope: Robinson retired rather than play for the giants
TMoney: Baller
TMoney: Then again, candlestick was a cold tomb
Thope: that was back in the NYC days i think
TMoney: no. 60s
TMoney: I big leagued you
TMoney: it is my area of
TMoney: a hard knock life

TMoney: Here comes Big Poppa. (He's sees some ladies tonight that could be having his baby. baby.
Thope: walk
TMoney: Bean
TMoney: It makes him stronger
Thope: he's like some sort of baseball playing mutant
TMoney: I enjoyed him in X2.
Thope: I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!

TMoney: I support that.
TMoney: 743. That's a lot of pissed off pitchers.
TMoney: Get out

Bonds just went yard, number 744 for his career

TMoney: What did we learn?
Thope: Lieber has served up many a tater to bonds
TMoney: I love it.
Thope: that game I was at last year? Yup

Thope: i think you are like 5 seconds ahead of me
TMoney: In Hawaii.
TMoney: That's against nature
Thope: i blame the tubes
TMoney: The internets are different here, like lightsockets
TMoney: you were there
TMoney: I love the Wario-esque images of Bonds around the ballpark

This is a (probably) reference to TMoney:’s Wario Stadium as totalitarian paradise post from a couple weeks ago. Meanwhile Wes Helms just tumbled into the dugout, grabbing the camera as he went down.

TMoney: The death of Wes Helms?
Thope: please!
Thope: the camera is more valuable than Wes Helms
TMoney: it's funny because Wes Helms should be euthanized

Thope:: the gravitational pull of bonds head keeps pulling the camera to him
TMoney:: pandas it is.
Thope: pandas?
Thope: who want abortions?
TMoney: against nature. Panda god is vengeful. Like Barry.
TMoney: He might be the panda god, actually, along with the god of usurpers and betrayers of confidence
TMoney: It is Bonds
Thope: I will persecute you for your beliefs
TMoney: I'll totally sell said beliefs out to remain alive
Thope: now that's a belief system I can believe in!

Fox just flashed an all-star graphic that appeared to be made in 1997

Thope: that all star graphic is awful
Thope: ken griffey jr? jeff kent?
TMoney: I hear their wedding's gonna be beautiful

TMoney: Victorino's definitely participated in some armed robberies
Thope: yeah he robs people, so what?
TMoney: you wanna fight about it? That’s how he rolls
TMoney: FIGHT!
Thope: VICTORIN...
Thope: awww
TMoney: he's crazy
Thope: I like his double-eared helmet
TMoney: Mark Grace: I like it though
TMoney: and then he (grace) associates fighting with Mexicans. Ummm…
Thope: Mark Grace, superior to John Kruk
Thope: and Mexicans
TMoney: barely

TMoney: I got a half-hour left before I go smoke pot and watch this shit in HD. Ahh, rich friends
Thope: you old one
TMoney: Vishnu-esque, these friends. I hung out with Shnu last weekend, btw
Thope: in hawaii?
TMoney: In SF. He runs that town.
Thope: lawyer?
TMoney: 75 hours a week, and on the weekends he GOES CRAXY
TMoney: We went to a hip hop show in the tenderloin, and I bought a gatorade from the corner store that, when I sipped from it, was actually filled up with water
TMoney: I definitely thought it had the aids in it.
Thope: that is fucked up
TMoney: Victorino would have choked out the store owner

TMoney: Wes Helms thought the ball was still in his glove. Classic
TMoney: great play by nunez though
Thope: Nunez is the hispanic David Bell
TMoney: sans steroids?
TMoney: I can see it
TMoney: Klesko is pandas
Thope: a weak-hitting latino david bell
TMoney: Pandas!

TMoney: Ooh yeah, the Bonds break ins from other games. I dig it
TMoney: I love how that bomb was his first swing of the day, on account of no batting practice
Thope: he doesn't need it apparently
Thope: only the roids
Thope: that’s all he needs
TMoney: Taste like chicken, the roids
Thope: rubber chicken?
TMoney: needle chicken

TMoney: Durham loves his baby's mommas
TMoney: not racist
Thope: dammit how was there no outs
Thope: phillies, you fucking suck
TMoney: Pandas
TMoney: Don't eat the baby!
TMoney: It's funny because they don't like they're own kind. I'm laughing out loud right now.

TMoney: I want the elephant to eat that fucking girl and her mirrors
TMoney: strangely sexual
TMoney: I need DLP!

TMoney: Suck it, JRO
Thope: his mirror shades can't help him now
TMoney: like Kleh--SkoH
Thope: so are the giants just picking up all the worst padres position players?
TMoney: yes
TMoney: I think you could substitute Kahn--via Ricardo Maltaban--in our third spot, and there'd be no difference

Thope: do you know what is in a mint julep?
TMoney: I pick the leaves myself
Thope: really?
TMoney: no
TMoney: that's from Faulkner
Thope: thats too highbrow for me
TMoney: From hell's heart I stab at thee
Thope: fucking narrated by a retard
TMoney: poor Benjy. He just wanted to rape his sister in peace
Thope: the american Kentuckian dream?

TMoney: All right. One more half inning then I'm out.
TMoney: to smoke the pot
TMoney: in the morning
TMoney: baby's coming
Thope: is the wife really 8 months?
TMoney: 8.25
Thope: damn
Thope: that'll be fun?
TMoney: yes. Especially if he's a left-handed pitcher
Thope: ah, you as the crazy sports parent
Thope: I like it
TMoney: throw down on the ball, baby jack. I will shiv other parents

Thope: jeanne zalasko is fugly
TMoney: and a cunt
Thope: touche

So that happened. I somehow managed to keep the pics fairly on topic, and not stray into "freedarko" territory too much. In case you care, the Giants won the game.


TMoney said...

That was epic. Thank god the Christians don't know my real identitly. I'd be dragged away in the night.

Nice job, especially with the blessed pandas. It is.

TMoney said...

Is that Victorino's mugshot?