Merciful Friday

"When I used go out I would know everyone that I saw.
Now I go out alone if I go out at all."
-The Walkmen

Whew. It's been a long week and I am tired (of these motherfucking snakes). Just couldn't shake the eagles hangover, at all. Not to mention a bunch of work BULLSHIT that I don't really want to get into. It's stupid and boring and has been summed up here under different circumstances.

But yeah, this week was crazy in the news. Let's take a look back and see what's best to ignore.

FINANCIAL MELTDOWN!
The other shoe is finally dropping on the old "let's give out adjustable rate home loans to everyone with shitty credit, and then sell their debt up the ladder until it pervades the entire financial industry" strategy. Genius. I mean, how could that possibly fail? But it did and now China will soon own the entire country. Either that or magic fairy's will make it all vanish. This is why I don't have a 401k and invest all my savings in souvenir talking fish. Now that is a growth industry.
Ignorability: High, until the 400% inflation

PALIN HAXORSED!
Yes please /b/tards, give the McCain campaign more ammunition with which to play the victim card. Boo hoo, some one hacked into a free online e-mail account being used for state business. Surely no one could ever guess that super secret password, "popcorn." Anonymous needs to go back to harmless pursuits like supporting Ron Paul and holding anti-scientology rallies. Besides, doesn't the NSA already read everyone's e-mails?
Ignorability: Would be high, if not for the hilarity

PULL UP YOUR PANTS!
A Florida judge ruled that a ban on saggy pants is unconstitutional. Finally, someone is standing up for the poor, the beltless, and those who cannot afford suspenders. Also, the ban was racist.
Ignorability: Medium

IN PHILLY, CAN'T BE NO PUNK!
The local nine are back in front in the NL East. And with the Brewers ongoing meltdown, a berth in the post-season via division or wildcard is looking more likely by the day. Praise be to Rollins!
Ignorability: Regional

LIKE IKE!
Some hurricane hit Texas. Galveston got New Orleans-itized and may or may not be washed into the sea. Frankly, I wouldn't mind if it did. Does this mean climate change is real? Of course not.
Ignorability: Extremely high


That's it, I'm going to go stab myself in the eye with a paper clip. I can bend it to get both eyes at once! Talent!