Got you good you f*cker

Thought you might enjoy the comedic stylings of presidential candidate and bonafide senile former torturee John McCain. Compiled by me, out of context, from the tubes. He's a veritable Carrot Top!

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."
-at a fundraising dinner in 1998

On the rising number of cigarette imports to Iran:
"Maybe that's a way of killing 'em."

On why he didn't choose Gov. Jim Gibbons to chair his Nevada campaign:
"I appreciate his support. As you know, the lieutenant governor is our chairman."
Why snub the governor?
"I didn’t mean to snub him,. I've known the lieutenant governor for 15 years and we've been good friends….I didn't intend to snub him. There are other states where the governor is not the chairman."
Maybe it's the governor's approval rating and you are running from him like you are from the president?
"And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago…"
-this is actually funny, in context

"I hate the bloggers."

"The French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
-Take that you cheese-eating surrender monkeys!

On Fidel Castro:
"I hope he has the opportunity to meet Karl Marx very soon."

"Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran."
-sung to the tune of the Beach Boys "Barbara Ann"

"I had something picked out for you, too — a little IED to put on your desk."
-to Jon Stewart whilst appearing on the Daily Show

"I’m gonna thank some corrupt unscrupulous lobbyists that are destroying America as we speak, everything we stand for and believe in."
-admit it, you're laughing on the inside

"At least I don't plaster on make-up like a trollop, you cunt."
-to his wife after she said his hair was getting a bit thin on top

So there you go. Vote McCain, and we'll be laughing all the way to the internment camps.