On Heckling

It's well documented that Philadelphia sports fans are horrible people. We are, by all accounts, drunken louts who get our jollies throwing rocks at grandmas and making fun of the fat and differently-abled. Not to mention the ubiquitous 'Booing Santa Claus' incident that occurred in 1968 and has ruined many a Christmas morn. He's jolly.

Yes Philly fans have been known to enjoy a good heckle. You may remember a couple years back when the patron saint of steroid investigations came to Philly. The Sunday Night game was broadcast on ESPN and went down as one of the greatest belligerent baseball experiences of my/anyone's life. We kept it classy, somehow. Not a battery syringe was thrown. I was saying Boo-onds.



That is not to say that we Philly fans aren't capable of some uncalled for vitriol. Shocking as it may be, in the past I have been guilty of yelling obscenities within the earshot of children. I remember (remember may not be the right word given the level of inebriation) one instance at an NU football game where I yelled 'FUCK YOU I-U' for about 2 quarters. The grad students in front of us enjoyed it. Too bad we were playing Michigan.

But karma's a bitch, apparently, because my season ticket seats at the Phils are positioned just one row in front of a group of young bucks who show up drunk as shit every game in the third inning and proceed to yell unceasingly until they leave in the eighth. And most of what they say is fucking lame. Sure, not much is known about Giants' leftfielder Fred Lewis -- but that doesn't mean you have to yell "LEEWWWWWWISSSSSSS" repeatedly inning after inning. "FRRRRRREEEEDDDDD!" isn't much better. He's no Barry Bonds or even Marquis Grissom, why don't you try something along those lines.

And I'll be the first admit, chanting "Show and Tell" (a local strip club) at Pat Burrell is pretty funny. On the other hand, yelling "Taco Tuesday" at the Bat is stupid and doesn't even make sense. Same goes for "Pat the Bat! Pat!" I expect more from someone who wears a Kim Batiste jersey. Need ideas? There are web sites designed to help you out.

Bottom line, don't heckle a man who is currently the second best hitter on the team and also in the National League. Just a thought.