Whales, bitch!
So greenpeace had an online poll to name a whale. They offered all kinds of lame names like Libertad, Aiko, Shanti, etc. And they also included the name "Mister Splashy Pants" as a joke. And once again the internets prove their genius, as Mister Splashy Pants dominated the competition, gathering up some 78% of the 150,000 votes cast, despite hippy dweebs trying to alter Mister Splashy Pants' fate.
I guess the reason for this whole thing is to save the whales? What is this 1980? What the fuck have the whales ever done for me? Majestic dancers of the sea my ass. Greenpeace just wants to save the whales because they don't care about you and your family.
Did you know whales are the number one sea-going supporters of illegal immigrants? It's true. In fact, many a Mexican and Central American illegal ride Humpback whales to our shores, bypassing the stringent checkpoints along our secured borders. Fact. And then when the whales get here, they die, polluting our beaches. Ain't gonna be no beach blanket bingo with a big ol' whale carcass ruining the mood, thats for sure. Thankfully our brave first responders are doing the Lords work, blowing up whales.
Anyway -- back in reality -- Mister Splashy Pants is threatened by the Japanese and their hatred of all things large and oceanic. But you can make a difference by signing this petition urging the Japanese Fisheries Agency not to kill Mister Splashy Pants. Only you can save Mister Splashy Pants.
3 comments:
Only WHO can save Mister Splashy Pants?
___ You ___ Me
Whales are delicious.
I think the research the Japanese are conducting in killing these whales is merely a cover for their actual mission - finding and killing Godzilla. We've all seen the movies. We know his (her?) only desire is to destroy the Japanese. I just hope mr. gojira doesn't realize that there are also Japanese in the US. Maybe we can somehow trick him into thinking they all reside in Texas. We would be better off without that place.
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