Best films: #138 Tombstone

I have always been a fan of westerns. From Unforgiven to Blazing Saddles, films about the frontier just seem to capture my imagination. Not sure if its the wide open spaces, the lack of laws or what. And this fascination of course includes the most ridiculously entertaining western of all time, Tombstone.

Sure, it plays fast and loose with the facts. Did Wyatt Earp did walk out into the middle of a crossfire, repelling bullets by fiercely bellowing "Noooooo!"? Was there really a person named Johnny Ringo who wanted to take peoples blood AND SOULS? Did Doc Holliday really say ridiculous shit like "You're a daisy if you do"? Doubtful.

But whatever Tombstone lacks in historical accuracy, it makes up for in awesome. Is Ike Clanton based on a real person? No. Do I care? Certainly not. Charlton Heston plays a bit part, and his characters name is Henry motherfucking Hooker.

Kurt Russell is at his squintingest as Wyatt "Kansas Law Dog" Earp driving his wife to copious opium consumption while getting busy with Dana Delaney. Bill "Don't call me Pullman" Paxton and Sam "I play nothing but cowboys" Elliot are Earp's (derps?) two brothers.

Pretty much every character is played by a "that guy". For example, McMasters is the evil dad from Mallrats. The head cowboy was in a bunch of shit, recently Deadwood. Shit, it even has Billy Zane as the flamboyant actor dude. He's cool.

Yeah. Here's the scene where Kurt Russell makes fat Billy Bob Thornton his bitch.


Tagline: Every town has a story. Tombstone has a legend.

Plot Spoilers:The bad guys are all drunk, and then they shoot a bunch of dudes, including Wyatt's brothers, so Wyatt goes all ape shit and starts killing them all with the help of some sort of posse. After the main bad guy dies, crazy ass Johnny Ringo takes over the gang and wants a duel with Wyatt, which Ringo knows he'll win because Wyatt sucks at gunfighting(?). But Doc Holliday takes a badge and kills Ringo before Wyatt can get there. Later Doc dies of TB.

Best Character: Doc Holliday. As if there is any question. You know your badass when your tuberculosis somehow makes you more ruthless. This is clearly Val Kilmer's best work outside of Top Secret. Non-sherpa that is. Plus he and Johnny talk shit to each other in Latin.

Memorable Quotes

Johnny Ringo: Don't any of ya have the guts to play for blood?
Doc Holliday: I'm your huckleberry.

Ike Clanton: What is that now? Twelve hands in a row? Holliday, son of a bitch, nobody's that lucky.
Doc Holliday: Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!

Wyatt Earp: From now on I see a red sash, I kill the man wearing it. So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming. You tell 'em I'm coming! And Hell's coming with me you hear! Hell's coming with me!

Doc Holliday: Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?
Doc Holliday: A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.
Wyatt Earp: What does he want?
Doc Holliday: Revenge.
Wyatt Earp: For what?
Doc Holliday: Bein' born.

Doc Holliday: [to Johnny Ringo, after shooting him in a duel] You're no daisy! You're no daisy at all. Poor soul, you were just too high strung.


Another reason to see it: Uhh... the fight at the OK Corral?