Have you heard the Good News?

There are many evils in this world: Terrible desert wars, godless communist presidents, pyromaniac rapists, rap music, and drug-abusing abortionists. It can be quite scary out there on Earth, in "real life." Shadowy, inconceivable bogeymen lurk around each and every corner, often baiting your kids into vile temptation with delicious candy.

Fortunately there was a man who understood the pains and ills of the world, and took it upon himself to forgive all of us for our awful acts of sin and malice. I am referring of course to the one and only man on the cross, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It's amazing the confidence and love one can instantly attain, simply by accepting this dead Jew into your heart. It's power could be described as unconditionally irrational.

Some mock those who have accepted God's love -- even in this very space, verily. They mock what they do not understand: That there is a plan for all of us. Some are more noble than others, but anyone can earn their place at the Lord's side. You might think killing heathens is somehow "better" than spreading The Word in devoutly-atheist internet forums, but killers don't risk virtual humiliation and banishment. Plus, if even one person opens up to God, your online evangelizing was a success.

Those that do not accept Jesus' love will soon be smited, and hard. I had a vision last night that the end times are nigh. It was a guy in a skeleton costume riding a donkey, which I can only assume signifies the four horsemen will soon be making their charge. Also there was a talking dog. Although it didn't move its mouth so maybe it was communicating with telepathy. The bottom line is all true believers will soon be called home to be with their Lord in Heaven, and those who deny God's love will be left behind. So get out there and spread the Good News.