What's your beef, Korea?

That there photo on the right isn't Times Square on New Years Eve, it's from a South Korean protest that went down yesterday. Looking at that photo one may wonder what the hell all those Koreans are pissed about: Perhaps North Korea is testing nukes again? The war in Iraq? Prostitution? China? Ha ha nope, they are protesting their government's decision to again allow the import of US beef of course.

Keep in mind the meat is perfectly safe. These cows are only modified to taste good. There are no other effects, ever. In no way are they being injected with enormous amounts of cancer-causing steroids or anything like that. Plus many of these slaughtered cows are descendents of cloned superbulls. Superbulls genetically engineered to make succulent, juicy steaks. There is no downside when you take the best genetic version of a species and create thousands of copies of it.

But apparently our cloned cows aren't good enough for Koreans, everyone of whom eats six dogs everyday. These yellow bastards better mind their Western masters. Who saved their ass in Korea? If it wasn't for my grandfather, they'd all be speaking Chinese. And even if our meat chemicals seep into the Seoul water supply, they won't create some sort of biohazard monster that eats people and vomits up their bones, as depicted in the popular 2006 cinematic release "The Host." Such a scenario is implausible at best, it's science.

Frankly, this disrespect and lack of faith shown to us Americans by our South Korean brothers is disappointing. We all know the corporations known by few as "Big Meat" only have the interests of the eater at heart. They certainly would not put out an unsafe or untested product, just to make a quick buck. Corporate culture has a long history of looking out for consumers and avoiding the easy fix. If you can't trust Big Meat, who can you trust?

And yet these protesters dare challenge this president "Mr Lee" who so bravely reopened the meat corridor between our two nations. For shame. A more productive use of their time would be to light themselves on fire, eat a flag or possibly rip apart a pig. Better recognize, or it's gonna be mass executions all over again, this time via tainted meat.