Stumbled across this article from 2005 about fraternities by Benoit Denizet-Lewis, which includes a little walk down memory lane.
Since 1997, the year I graduated, Northwestern has expelled five fraternities -- in cooperation with their national organizations -- for alcohol and hazing violations. The last casualty was Kappa Sigma, banished after its 2003 formal dance party at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. In a gaffe almost too dopey to be believed, a Kappa Sigma brother dropped a flask into the aquarium's beluga whale tank. Already on probation for an alcohol-related incident that sent a pledge to the hospital, the fraternity was booted off campus by Northwestern administrators (it can petition to return in 2007), but not before the brothers could make going-away T-shirts. They read, "Kappa Sigma -- a Whale of a Good Time.
So I was doing a quiz on sporcle earlier today, as is my wont, Rolling Stones' top ranked songs of the decade, and found the weird mix of songs kind of hilarious, what with the juxtaposition of LCD Soundsystem and Kelis (also: Clipse/Dirty Projectors, and others). Sure Rolling Stone's attempting to stay hip in a world where its irrelevancy would still be increasing, if it were possible to divide by zero. That is to say, Rolling Stone's relevance these days is best measured in imaginary numbers. I mean, Randy fucking Newman? At number 28? IN A LIST OF SONGS FROM THE AUGHTS? Damn you to Taibbi!!
Faux-outrage to subjective lists notwithstanding, I scored about 45 out of 100 songs -- a high number, if percentiles in the "see how you did" link are to be believed. I might feel guilty knowing that I know so much about the "good" songs from the past decade in the opinion of whomever at RS made that list. I mean what an arbitrary thing to be good at, and not at all beneficial! But I usually own the quizzes on there anyway, what with my own user account and occasional comment. Never made a quiz though, maybe I'll try. Suggestions?
Off track, back to the RS list, because I feel like meta-enabling myself and whoever else has made it this far. A few things: 99 Problems and Crazy in Love were at the same time, which greatly inflates their ranking. I know this not because I read the Rolling Stone article corresponding with that quiz, because it is probably not online, and their website sucks so back I refuse to look. That was on Pitchfork, whose decade best of had a striking (or not) amount of redundancy with this list. Although since they are separate publications, I suppose you can't really blame them for that. Finally, all the best music from the past 10 years can be boiled down to parts of indie/alternative rock, electronic, and hip hop. So there's that.
Point: Few things make the passage of time sink in my brain like a few of the songs on there, Stan for instance. It's been 10 years since the Marshall Mathers LP, no wonder the world is fucking crazy. There was a track on there called Kill You for chrissakes. I remember driving around smoking trees in a Rocky Mountain Sports Magazine car, in Colorado, listening to songs on that list. Namely the above and Outkast. And then I went to Vail for free! Those were some halcyon days, that's for sure. Ignition Remix=slapping random ass at The Keg, anyone?
Anyway, enough navel-gazing (or shoe-gazing? terrible). Here are some links:::::
Maybe its wrong, perhaps elitist, to think that all Saints fans are like those depicted in the above video from earlier this season, getting out of pick-up trucks holding high-powered guns with which they plan to shoot expensive electronics in the face. Wouldn't Ignatius J. Reilly support the Saints?
Point: The average American football fan is not a pinnacle of culture and enlightenment. This is true of any team. Of course it would be folly to say that East Coast fans are somehow superior to those down in the Big Easy, or Midwest, or anywhere else. This is not my point. Football fans are lunatics, regardless of geography. If measuring fan cultures on sophistication, put football just above NASCAR, and certainly below rodeo.
Aside: I recently watched the film "Big Fan" which may be coloring my opinion of football fans darker than usual. The story, about an enormous Giants fan (Patton Oswalt) whose life revolves around calling into radio talk shows and sitting in the Meadowlands parking lot to watch his team on television, does not exactly show fandom in the best light. It's just pathetic, especially after Oswalt gets his ass kicked by his favorite player, in da club, as it were.
But that's fiction. By definition "not real." The real easy point is that Indiana and the South are both backwards and filled with hicks, all of whom likely support the regional professional sports team. So kudos to them.
Yo, you fucks remember this thing like two years ago when we would do those "deathmatch listoffs" with subjective opinions on various cultural ephemera? Was that good times? I mean, it was a certainly a good way to build a community in theory I thought at the time. But not in practice, because let's be honest: The goats are not exactly on the radar of anything, despite THE definitive listing of stoner movies. In the end I think the whole list-off thing was just a way for the select few to be self-indulgent and maybe a word that means having poor taste that I can't think of right now because I am drunk and have swine flu probably. It starts with "a" ... fuck. Not asinine. Once again vocabulary lets me down. next day edit: The word was insipid! So I was wrong, but it did start with a vowel. Close enough.
Anyway, I think the point of this as it was started was that I wanted to list something, because I was listening to "Prison Sex" by Tool, which has an amazing opening bass riff. And I thought to myself, what are some of the other top riffs to start songs? Rock riffs: I have limited mental faculties at the moment because of the drinking and the swine flu. So this seemed like it might work, but unfortunately the only other song I could think of was "Blind" by Korn because they always open their sets with it and I thought I might die at Woodstock 99 when that happened. ARE YOU READY for a formative experience?
There is no way I can think of any other good openers at this time, but I don't want to just delete this little guy. So now I'm just going to listen to some Massive Attack, or something else with heavy bass, and reflect on all the things that have gone wrong, you could say, to put me in a place where I am sitting on an uncomfortable couch updating a long-running barely read blog on a Friday night. Drunk with swine flu (probably). Publish post.
An argument erupted last night during a discusion of the whereabouts and future of Sinclair, who has been been neither seen nor heard from since he was tased a few months back (I heard something along the lines of "erasing his past" whatever that means). This weirdo guy who writes an unsuccessful web-comic and wears Sarah Palin glasses was all in my face about how Sinclair was probably forced to join alcoholics anonymous by the court. Of course I called bullshit on this, because AA is a religious group (I think), and this would be a violation of church and state.
I don't care about accuracy, I said to myself. This is a matter of personal pride and I want to show this fuck up with vehement declaration of falsehoods, like making up several of the 12 steps to put this sucker in his place. But then the weirdo says he knows about it from personal experience, which was basically inferring that he was in AA. I'm not sure if it was court-mandated, because this made me want to end the argument right away. So I told the guy I didn't want to argue with him, and I left the bar.
Haven't gone through the Netflix history in a while, so why not today? As always, these are actual DVDs that were sent to me through the mail. Not mentioned: This American Life, which I have been watching through the "watch it right on your computer" option. The Wiener Circle piece is a classic. Chocolate Shake! Terrible.
The Lives of Others East Germany! Voyeurism! Two great tastes that go great together. But seriously, this movie is really, really good. It is subtle, and has subtitles, and gains momentum throughout, building to an outstanding payoff ending. You should probably watch it at your first opportunity. The best film on this list in my opinion.
Drag Me To Hell Tightly-plotted horror story which doesn't need much explanation, as it's all right there in the title. I watched Sam Raimi's un-rated directors cut, for bonus grossness. Absurdly gross, really, is a old gypsy "gumming" attack on the protagonist necessary? Two times.
The Magic Christian Dear God, Ringo Starr is a terrible actor. I assume this is what passed for "edgy" in the sixties. Pretty fucking stupid, the only thing that saves it is Peter Sellers. And John Cleese.
State of Play This is basically newspaper journalism porn. Oh, Russell Crowe, look at you protecting your Capitol Hill sources from the evil young blogger, played by Rachel McAdams. But maybe she could teach you a few things you didn't know about the changing world of news! Not so fast there missy, this old dog might still have a few new tricks up his sleeve. Or in his notebook, as it were. Together, they might just make the perfect reporting team! Still -- there are good performances, which combined with a twisty plot makes for an enjoyable, if disposable viewing experience. Also: Ben Affleck for Congress?
Duplicity Clive Owen and Julia Roberts as pathologically lying corporate spies. With a romantic past!
Thirst This DVD was all scratched up, so I only watched the first 45 minutes or so. Unfortunately this happens on occasion with the Netflix. I can only assume in this case that the damage resulted from someone biting the disc, because they thought they had Korean vampire disease.
In the Company of Men One thing for sure: Aaron Eckhart plays slimeball well. It's pretty obvious the casting director for Thank You For Smoking had seen this. But yeah, this movie hurts one's soul -- two businessmen romancing a deaf woman with the idea of dumping her simultaneously. At first it seems like misogyny, but it kind of turns out to be misanthropy. Big words!
Raising Arizona Best. Comedic Chase Scene. Ever.
Haha. Dogs.
Wild at Heart More Nicolas Cage acting crazy! This must have been right after I saw BLPOCNO. The opening scene could be one of the greatest beating deaths in the history of cinema. Not sure if "greatest" is the right word. Moving on ...
Cloverfield I think a better title for this would have been "Real World: Godzilla." Still, it held my interest for its full running length.
Anvil: The Story of Anvil A surprising amount of heart in this, a movie about a washed up Canadian metal band. Think Spinal Tap plus earnestness.
Twin Peaks WTF, David Lynch.
Adventureland Feh. A coming of age tale, solid fun if not spectacular. From the director of Superbad, says wikipedia. That makes sense. The one guy, the nerdy sidekick/sage observer type, kind of steals the movie.
Observe and Report Ah yes, now we are really getting into hazy memory territory. It was super dark, I do recall that. Seth Rogen beating the shit out of drug dealers, and a date rape scene. Kind of similar in tone to Foot Fist Way, which makes sense as they have the same director.
Dirty Pretty Things Illegal immigrants sure do have it rough. Methinks this did a good job of portraying the hopelessness one might feel, living in the margins of society. Also it has organ harvesting, always suspenseful.
Being There This was in another post here. Peter Sellers is hilarious as an imbecile obsessed with TV who rises to political glory through an increasingly improbable set of circumstances. Also, the grizzled dad from Dirty Work plays the president.
After Hours Wait, a comedy directed by Martin Scorsese? What the hell? This movie is fucking weird.
Schindler's List Just brutal, but with an uplifting finish. Which is kind of strange to say about a holocaust movie. This is something one has to watch to get a "cinephile" card. If such a thing existed.
Night on Earth Separate stories of cabbies and their fares on one night in cities across the globe. Jim Jarmusch films are usually too slow for me, but the switching of locales (LA, New York, Rome, Paris, and Helsinki) kept me interested. Watching this builds indie rep, or so I'm told.
The Fall Something about a paralyzed stuntman telling a little girl stories so she'll steal morphine for him. The visuals are amazing.
Well that's it. Putting this together took up a good part of the day. I think this is the first time I would heartily recommend any one of the films listed. Well, except for The Magic Christian, which managed to make me hate it even though I agree with its message.
Hmmm ... what should I put here on the old blog today? The bloggeroo, ol' bloggy mcblogblog ... a madcap rant on the Simpsons 20th anniversary documentary from last night? Funny, in parts. A picture found via through a cursory 2-minute google image search? Been done. Something seal related (either the animal or the singer, doesn't matter)? Bad joke. These are the types of "difficult editorial decisions" I make each day when confronted with this screen:
Daunting right? Staring at all that white space for hours and hours, an intimidating thought. One I am forced(?) to confront everyday, when putting things up here. Which I guess isn't every day. But it is, because often times I'll plan/start posting something, only to violently close the tab in frustration. But will that happen today? Well, no, probably, because you are reading this.
This would be easier if there was some measurable outcome. At least that's what I tell myself when I read some other shit online that's mad prolific. On the other hand, what do I mean by "this" at the start of this paragraph? Writing for the internet? Watching videos of animals doing things one might not expect them to? Taking screenshots? Too many questions, and this is already way over the line of self-indulgence, veering dangerously into violent tab-closing territory. Better put it out there, and be done with it.
God what a terrible time of year this is, with its darkness and cold. The first week in January is a bad time for a season affective disorder to get rolling. There's several more months of this! Which is daunting. Is is bad when you have three pairs of long-underwear, and that's not nearly enough? On the other hand it could be worse, i.e. living in Iowa, with its impassible highways. But riding bikes in the snow is fun. Cars are scared of you! At least that's my impression.
That's it, look on the bright side. Imagine positivity. Like that guy up top, who is so fucking thrilled to have an enormous superhero pig placed in his yard. Serious happiness, only half of which is mugging for the camera (This is a guess). The reality of a 2000 pound animal eyesore has yet to set into his mind. It will likely be a major expense to move. Although maybe giant pigs are how he gets his rocks off. It certainly looks that way.
Oh yeah, by the way, I made a twitter for some reason the other day. So, you know, follow that or whatever. I may even "tweet" something at some time in the future. To use the parlance of our times.
"Let me tell you something," says Freddie. "Something about this country. Anybody can do anything. But first they gotta try. And you guys ain't. Two don't work and one strips naked? I don't consider that trying. You kids make squat. And therefore you live in a dangerous craphole. And what happens in a dangerous craphole? Bad tragic shit. It's the freaking American way-you start out in a dangerous craphole and work hard so you can someday move up to a somewhat less dangerous craphole. And finally maybe you get a mansion. But at this rate you ain't even gonna make it to the somewhat less dangerous craphole."
- from Sea Oak, which is so freaking hilarious I can't adequately express it. My abilities of expression are inadequate. Here's another passage from there:
After dinner the babies get fussy and Min puts a mush of ice cream and Hershey's syrup in their bottles and we watch The Worst That Could Happen, a half-hour of computer simulations of tragedies that have never actually occurred but theoretically could. A kid gets hit by a train and flies into a zoo, where he's eaten by wolves. A man cuts his hand off chopping wood and while wandering around screaming for help is picked up by a tornado and dropped on a preschool during recess and lands on a pregnant teacher.
Also another short story in this, The End of Firpo in the World is heart-breaking, yet funny. It's like Vonnegut had a baby, and that baby met the baby of David Foster Wallace and those two babies had a baby? Yes, it's the product of baby fucking.
edit: I knew that baby bit was from something, but couldn't remember what. But now I do remember: Pineapple Express. Which was a movie I sort of hated when I first saw it, but now if I see it on Starz or whatever I usually watch it for a bit and its weird violence is somehow becoming endearing? Anyway.
I took the chinatown bus to Philly from D.C. the other day. Notable moments included a more-crazy-than-usual driver tailgating some Honda for several miles on I-95. Dude was a maniac and I loved it. Less loved: The middle-aged couple in front of me feeding each other cheese puffs while whispering sweet nothings to each other in some Slavic language. Shit was depraved at best.
I would have simply shut my eyes and dozed off to avoid that nastiness, but the aforementioned nutball driver had a swerving, lurching style. So I was forced to find different modes of distraction. First I went to my normal time-killer in public: Reciting non-milkshake lines from the bowling alley scene in There Will Be Blood, but eventually that got old, despite the timelessness of "They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantlepiece."
So I thought about what are the best modes of travel. Here it is: Definitive and without commentary.
10. City Bus 9. Taxi 8. Car 7. Someone else's car 6. Jet 5. Subway/Elevated train 4. Some other way I can't think of right now 3. On foot 2. Chinatown bus 1. Bicycle
Don't believe me? Just watch this commercial, which is a likely peek into my future some 30 years from now.
We were having this conversation yesterday, and I thought it might be goat-relevant, paraphrased:
D: So I was waiting for the Broad Street Line this morning and there was this fat woman spreading cream cheese on a bagel with her thumb. It was the grossest thing I've seen in some time. I kind of wanted to throw up, or punch her. E: That's not that bad. T: Was she just fat, or morbidly obese? This is an important detail. D: Morbidly obese, why not? T: Yeah that's awful. A disgusting human being in body and spirit. E: Give me a break! It's not gross, it's her thumb! T: Have you been in a Philly subway station? Eating anything in there is a terrible idea. So many homeless men pee in there that the air is permeated with urine molecules. Touching subway tokens and then eating? Horrible. E: But it was her thumb! Are you saying that eating a bagel without the cream cheese would also be gross? T: Well, it depends on what kind of bagel. The viscosity of the cream cheese certainly adds a level of disgust. E: The cream cheese makes the bagel! And it was her thumb! D: It was a plain bagel. T: OK, the cream cheese is necessary because it was a plain bagel. E: She just wanted a tasty breakfast, and didn't have a knife. T: Wait, she had a tub of cream cheese? and was scooping it out and smearing it with her thumb? I now have a full mental picture, and it is awful. E: Give me a break. Who cares? If she wants to take a chance at contracting some Philly subway germs, it's her risk. Who are you to judge? T: If someone makes the decision that they need to spread cream cheese on a bagel with their thumb in one of the most disgusting places in America, I will judge them, and declare them gross. Unilaterally.
This morning I'm posting a perfectly innocent story to the web about some kid with cancer who is able to maintain his schooling via a live classroom webcam. A perfectly fine, uplifting story for the holiday season, which takes all of my self control not to change the headline to something in bad taste.
"Technology: 1, Cancer: 0" or "The future is now" or "Cancer boy telecommutes." That last one may be a bit to far. Here is an actual sentence from the story: "After some thought, administrators decided technology could help Darius continue his studies." Now I know we're not re-inventing the cliche here, at a local newspaper (circulation: 23,000 and dropping), but that is some blandly awful writing right there.
There is no excuse for using the term "technology" three times in a story, four if you count the actual headline. Perhaps there is a less descriptive, more generic word you could use? Because "technology" describes every fucking thing invented by man, fucking ever. It's a good thing I only read copy at this place at my whim, because I always regret it.
Coma-inducing copy is part of why its important to get as much PG-rated absurdity as possible into print when provided the chance. Like a song about Allen Iverson set to the Welcome Back Kotter theme. And that is my two-cups-of-coffee-in-20-minutes rant for today.
It's snowing like a bitch, I just cracked a beer, and college hoops is on, so let's give typing stuff and then putting it on the Internet a shot. Not going to publish updates too often (or at all) because no one is looking at this. We'll see if it can hold my attention with such distractions as "other stuff on television" and "looking out the window" tempting me.
This is what I know about 2009 Northwestern Men's Basketball prior to today: Their record, and that the best player from last year is hurt. But my knowledge is increasing with every informative graphic displayed. In a couple hours I will be able to spell at least 2 players names.
I kind of hope NU can win this, because I went double or nothing on this season ending in a NCAA tournament berth. Meaning that instead of going to see the football team in the Outback bowl on New Years Day, I will go to a the basketball team's first ever tourney game. This is a gamble, that can blow up in my face in many ways. They play first round games in weird places. Which makes it all the more exciting!
John Shurna's jump shot is "flatter than the interstate between Des Moines and Omaha," According to this big ten network clown. Oh he's a clown all right. Shurna is a player, they don't let just anyone onto the USA men's under-19 national team.
Just checked out the gamecast on ESPN. Is there some poor underling in Bristol entering the stats in for this game as it goes on? Probably an unpaid intern. Or an intern that paid for the right for valuable work experience in the form of menial labor. That is an observation I'm sure no one has made before.
Oh right, the game. It's 25-23 with 5 minutes or so left in the first half. A barn burner.
What ever happened to Muhamed Hachad? Internet says: Playing in France. If you had "Playing in France" please come claim your prize. Which is ... looks around room ... a harmonica that I don't know how to play. There may be a book of harmonica lessons around here somewhere, if I find it there will be a different prize.
Juice Thompson?
Halftime: Score tied at 33. I spent the break printing out, reading, then burning this long interview with David Simon about writing the wire and other things. Good quote:
It’s one thing to recognize capitalism for the powerful economic tool it is and to acknowledge that, for better or for worse, we’re stuck with it and, hey, thank God we have it. There’s not a lot else that can produce mass wealth with the dexterity that capitalism can. But to mistake it for a social framework is an incredible intellectual corruption and it’s one that the West has accepted as a given since 1980—since Reagan. Human beings—in this country in particular—are worth less and less. When capitalism triumphs unequivocally, labor is diminished. It’s a zero-sum game. People paid a much higher tax rate when Eisenhower was president, a much higher tax rate for the benefit of society, and all of us had more of a sense that we were included. But this is not what you really want to talk about, I know.
Yeah, fuck Reaganites. If you are going to push policy with a side of morals, it helps to not be morally bankrupt.
I am going to watch the second half in earnest, which means posting this and not dividing my attention for a bit. Otherwise there is too much chance I'll get distracted by stuff like best photos of the year. More coming ...?????
There are no less than 5 unfinished, malformed posts clogging up the backend of this blog, including one about how evil chairs are. Answer: Very. All of the incomplete posts are better than that one that I "finished" this morning. Although I supposed that depends on your personal definition of the word "better." Scare quotes are great.
The point is that I will be forced indoors all weekend because of shitty weather, providing ample blog time. Maybe there will be a live account of the Stanford-Northwestern basketball game tomorrow afternoon, drunk on cheap blended scotch and PBR. Who knows? Don't get your hopes up though, because there is also a chance that I'll waste the time playing antique video games. In which case I am confident that picture of a meerkat will keep you entertained. Constantly refresh this page, just to be safe.
It's nearly 2010, which means it's time to reflect back on the past 10 years. That's what media people do, because its easier than trying to come up with something new, and everything's half-staffed around the holidays. Arbitrary lists of subjective things are all the rage. But honestly, who fucking cares if Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was better than City of God, or if In Bruges was better than The Royal Tenenbaums. Argue their respective merits all you want, it's still pointless. Pop-culture lists fill me with loathing, mostly because I can't stop reading them. I blame baby Jesus and job stress.
That said, I'm all for taking this frivolous pass-time and turning it back on itself. For example, the top stories of the past 4.5 billion years, or the 50 states in order. Pennsylvania number one! And I've been thinking, what would be an original and subversive thing I could do with a decade-ending list, here on this blog? And this is what I came up with, the top 5 drugs of the past 10 years, in chronological order (I don't know what that means). So unscientific and based on personal experience, yet possibly accurate?
Opium You really haven't lived until you've flown on a commercial flight with a gram of this sticky treat folded up in a scrap of paper and stuffed in your wallet.
Cocaine This would be higher, if it wasn't so prone to abuse. Using drugs is one thing, abusing them is another. Somebody famous said that, I don't remember who, possibly Marilyn Manson. I'm not sure if that makes the statement more or less credible. There are a number of other strikes against this one: Expense, terrible hangovers, etc. But on the other hand, it can be really fucking fun in the right setting. Like at a bar talking to a bunch of Mexican workers who just got off their shift at a nearby Cuban restaurant.
Alcohol The fact that this is legal alone merits its inclusion. It's prolific. Getting older does destroy a bit of booze's mystique, I think, but doesn't take away from it's abilities to help one celebrate or wallow, according to mood. And of course the whole lowering inhibitions thing is pretty awesome.
Mushrooms Spawned the classic "You're in the painting" sequence, which I don't feel like explaining at this time. If you know, then you know. The only problem with the shrooms is too much can result in temporary the breaking of one's mind by hacky-sackers, thinking you are holding the entire universe in your hand when in fact you are holding a pebble, etc. But the benefits, i.e. Chicago looking like an alien spaceport, far outweigh the disadvantages, given proper preparation. Heh, preparing for drugs.
Marijuana An obvious number one. It's both a hallucinogen and a depressant! A two for one, if you will. Plus its increasingly decriminalized, and a plant. No better way to take the edge off. I tend to regard anyone who has never even tried weed this with suspicion, at least upon first meeting them. Stupid stigmas.
Not for this commercial though, despite the presence of a talking dog. What's the Japanese advertising equivalent of the Academy Awards? I want to say The Emmys, but that's probably wrong.
