Learn you good

Now that summer is in full swing, I find myself in minor confrontations with cars on a regular basis. Such is the nature of bicycling everywhere, especially when not baselessly yielding to cars' superior horsepower. Last summer I dealt with these inevitable fleeting skirmishes by yelling "Josh!" It was an absurd and confusing thing to scream at drivers who were already kind of flustered by a fellow traveler flouting automotive conventions.

But alas "Josh!" has somehow lost its appeal, and I need to develop a new pavlovian response to on-road confrontations. Ideally it would be be quick and to the point, but not agitating the driver's apoplexy. The ideal would provide me with satisfaction while instilling a kind of bewilderment followed by regret in the driver. So cursing and flipping the bird are probably out. Here's a few ideas I've come up with, if you have any thoughts or suggestions please hit up the comments.

Flash a Thumbs Up
I've been doing this in lieu of anything better. I like it because it is open to interpretation. Am I being sarcastic, or no? Was it an indication of tacit approval, or condescensing gesticulation? Who knows, and now the car is a quarter-mile away. With any luck the driver will ruin their day thinking about the nature of intent in a fast-paced society.

"Learn to read!"
This one was inspired by some guy who yelled "Learn to bike!" at me while I was riding down the double-yellow, waiting for a break in opposing traffic so I could turn left. It's got the necessary absurdity, and it also implies stupidity in the driver. Also, a large portion of our society is losing its ability to read for comprehension, so maybe the suggestion will inspire them to improve their skills and better their life.

"Sorry, for your life!"
Here's a bait-and-switch. The "Sorry" shows deference, agreeing that obviously because my vehicle is small and human-powered, I was in the wrong. But then the "for your life" takes it all back, with vindictiveness. It's probably to much to assume, but I would hope this conveys a message of "Hurry up and get to that job you hate!" to old Larry Leadfoot.

That's all I've come up with -- although "Eat shit, Fuckhole!" does have a certain appeal, if it wasn't too inflammatory. But if things did escalate to the point where the car stops moving to argue, picking up my bike running at them while swinging it like a club, or throwing it at the driver-side window are options that would probably cause some alarm, and property damage. Worth considering.