Shove it up your tailpipe

I realized the other day that if there is a God, he is using a very unusual method to try and get through to heathens such as myself.
Bumper Stickers. Really? the infant newborn baby jesus* wants you tell me that the Lord is watching by putting a shiny sticker on the back of your car? That is idiotic. Do you really think that putting a message on the back of your car saying jesus saves, or abortion kills, or repent: the end is nigh, is going to convert anyone? Or guarantee you a spot in heaven? You cause global warming.
Always enjoyable though are the people who have so many stickers that they overflow onto the trunk/rear-windshield. But don't get me wrong, commie that I may be, my bumper sticker hate is not limited to the religious right.
Also bad are the Gore/Lieberman or Kerry/Edwards stickers that still adorn the backs of soccer-mom SUVs and Subaru Foresters -- A mere 6 and 2 years, respectively, after the failed campaigns ended. They fucking lost, you stupid bastards. Obviously your support was not enough at the time. And its certainly not going to make any difference SEVERAL YEARS LATER! All it does is make you look like pretentious, out-of-the-loop assholes.
And don't get me started on the whole 'two letters that stand for some vacation destination,' that is just dumb. You go on vacation, congratulations.
In all fairness though, I guess I'm a hypocrite, because I once had a bumper sticker on my vehicle. It said 'Eat it Raw' and adorned my Ford Taurus back in high school. It can be excused, I think, because a) I was a dumb teenager b)I also had cheap plastic ninja star-themed rims and c) pizza hut flags attached to the windows.
All that said, nothing will ever compare to the bumper stickers I saw on a pick-up in Montana in summer 2003. Among others there were two that stood out: 'Sniper: Death from afar' and 'Cats, the other white meat'
If only that guy wasn't batshit crazy, I would like to meet him.


*Ricky Bobby