African Booty Scratcher

I've been in Kampala, Uganda for about 3 weeks now. I'm doing HIV/AIDS research at the Infectious Disease Institute (IDI) and Mulago Hospital. I'll be here until June 1st, 2010 at which point I will fly to Amsterdam for a week. Back in the US on June 8th. I have some observations that I'd like to share. If anything seems of poor taste please consider the humor and/or frustration. Realize that I am one of those bleeding heart liberals and as such am immune to any accusations of being racist, sexist, etc.


Denial is a river in Uganda.

1. There are a lot of black people here. I'm serious.
2. Because I am white, everyone stares at me. Little kids always say "hi/bye mzungu" which translates to white person. Some literally come up to me and want to touch me. Strange.
3. I walk through a shanty town to work. I will admit that I get nervous. It doesn't help that a number of the whities who have taken this path previously have been robbed at some point in their stay here. I need to find a new path.
4. Drivers in Africa follow no rules. Crossing the street (no crosswalks) is like Frogger. My girlfriend considered buying a car for the time we're here. I must say she's is out of her damn mind.
5. There is a strange fascination with country music amongst some of the population. They also have a thing for 80's and 90's music. I'm having some major flashbacks to elementary, junior and senior high. Listening to Africans sing along with shitty American music is both hilarious and sad. Maybe one day they'll discover something like Mastodon. Maybe it's my duty to introduce them.
6. I watched Uganda's equivalent to the NBA. I know two players on a club team here and went to one of their games. One of the guys is apparently Uganda's highest paid athlete and he makes about $35,000 a year or so. That's pretty good here. The game was played outdoors at the YMCA...tar court, mattresses against the wall under the basket, wood backboards, and a really annoying announcer. The fans are hilarious with their heckling...basically because they speak with an accent and use ridiculous phrases that are more polite than heckle. This wouldn't fly in the US. "Pass the ball, you do not need to be the superstar in this game." My girlfriend yelled out "bullshit" after a call and I didn't know if that would fly. I wanted to quote Coming to America during a lull in the action "yes, yes in his face" but realized that no one would get the reference. A few of the players were pretty good and could probably play D1. Not sure about the pros though. Only 7 foot Africans get to play in the NBA. It's a rule.
7. The beer here sucks. What I would give for an IPA or Pale Ale. All they drink are lagers. They all taste the same, which is to say like piss.
8. Classic Ugandan food is not the best. My only exposure to it is at the IDI canteen for lunch every weekday. It consists of posho (solidified corn meal), rice, matoke (mashed plantains), potatoes, kasava (a tasteless root), sweet potatoes, as well as your choice of a protein (fish, chicken, beef, beans or g nut sauce). I usually go for the beans or g nut sauce. G nuts (ground nuts) basically taste like peanuts. However the sauce doesn't taste like peanut butter; still, it is tasty. Can't complain as it costs about $0.25 or $0.50 for lunch. I suppose the fresh fruit is pretty nice too, however I'm tired of bananas.
9. I eat at an Indian restaurant multiple times a week. There are numerous in the city and it is my meal of choice. Large South Asian presence here.
10. I thought all Africans were skinny. There are some hefty women here...not American hefty, but still. It must be all the carbs in their food.
11. The internet is slow as shit. Honestly, it's like we're back on dialup with AOL.
12. My apartment. How often does the water need to shut off? Can we go a whole week with running water, is that too much to ask? The blackouts get annoying too. At least we have flashlights and it typically is back in a few hours. The water will go out for days at a time. Not good when you sweat like a pig and it's dusty as hell. We have backup water for showers and toilet in the form of giant water jugs. Loads of fun.
13. Laundry. Yeah, I'll be doing this by hand. Awesome.
14. Wildlife. Crazy ass birds everywhere. Some people also have goats and chickens in their yards and/or roaming around the neighborhood. This is in a city of 1.5-2 million! The best was when I saw a herd of longhorn cattle walk by me on my road as I was getting dropped off by a taxi. Honestly, wtf?


15. People try to rip me off because I am white. This is usually the taxi and boda (motorbike taxi) drivers. Getting better at bartering.
16. Things fall into disrepair and basically stay that way. The roads are terrible. The sidewalks too. Although sidewalks are a luxury. Usually I'm walking down the side of the road hoping not to get hit by something. That's the way they do it, so I guess I need to get used to it.
17. The city is really interesting in that it is built on numerous hills. Basically the richest live at the top. The poor are at the bottom. The poverty here is eye opening. We are pretty lucky in the US, but honestly the way things are going (rich punking the poor over and over and over...) we might end up similarly. I'm looking forward to a post-apocalyptic world. This is assuming it happens in my lifetime.
18. Everyone has cell phones and they buy minutes as they need them. Much better system for those of us who never talk on the phone and overpay for the service in the US.
19. I never understood the impact of HIV/AIDS until now. It's such a minor problem in the US, but it is everywhere here. We really need to find a cure. There shouldn't be children living with HIV due to no fault of their own.
20. This really is an interesting place and it's starting to grow on me. I do miss some of the things we take for granted in the US, but it's an experience I'll never forget. Being here for 8 months will allow me plenty of time to explore East Africa. I'm looking forward to the many trips we plan to make while here. Especially those dealing with monkeys and apes...