Third prize is you're fired

We've reached the end of summer, there is nothing going on, the newsroom is dead. So why not kill off this extremely boring Friday by posting some dreck (Unlike the normal lofty quality here, with Tom Waits in drag jokes.)

Before we get the meat of this post, a magical journey through DVDs I have watched over the past few months, a quick appeal: I need either one/three more person(s) for my fantasy football league. It's through yahoo, the League ID is # 718657, password is beer. If you can't figure out how to use that information to sign up, email me because you are dumb and should join so we can laugh at your ineptitude. Draft is Sunday at 4 pm. Forthwith!

Glengarry Glen Ross
It's kind of unforgivable not to have seen this before. I blame that it is about salesmen and I hate salesmen. Anyway, this is one of a few films in this set that have some scenes and characters that have become cliche or at least jokes on The Simpsons, i.e. "Coffee is for Closers" and Jack Lemmon's character. Nevertheless the dialogue crackles and every character is a douche, which seems accurate.

The Man from Earth
This is another real talky picture. It's about some guy who is 14,000 years old and doesn't age saying goodbye to his college professor colleagues by telling him his secret. The colleagues consist of a skeptical archeologist, a skeptical Christian, a skeptical psychologist, a wacky biologist and an anthropologist played by the Candyman. Its a good sci-fi thinker of a movie. Not a lot of action, or any at all, but explores interesting ideas.

Once Upon a Time in the West
This is only one of the greatest Westerns of all time. Charles Bronson as a typical badass, unnamed. The Ennio Morricone score is great. But my favorite part has to be when the black hat (Frank, played by Henry Fonda) mocks a guy for wearing suspenders and a belt, then shoots both suspenders and the belt off him, killing him. Never trust anyone who doesn't trust their pants.

Irreversible
Ugh, see here.

Mulholland Drive and Synecdoche, New York
It's kind of funny that I saw these to back to back because they are both strange movies within movies, Mobius Strips, interlocking. And I don't really want to think about either right now. Mulholland drive was better.

Oldboy
A guy is abducted and held in a room for 15 years, then released with no explanation. As he unravels the mystery it gets more and more fucked up, until the climax which is one of the great twists of all time, I think. Tooth torture is unnecessary. Also: This film was an inspiration for the Va. Tech massacre guy, apparently

The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down
This is pretty funny. It's about LA party people (hipsters) going out, told in a documentary style. Here's a clip:


Bullet
You may ask why one would want to see a film featuring Mickey Rourke as a Jewish gangster warring with a one-eyed TuPac over turf in Brooklyn, also featuring Adrien Brody and the guy who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs as Rourke's two brothers. And I don't have an answer, because this movie sucked for the most part.

Chinatown
Another classic, this time with more rich people incest, water barons and nose cutting!
"You ought to be more careful, that must really smart."
"Only when I breath."

JCVD
This movie breaks the fourth wall in all kinds of ways. It's Jean Claude Van Damme playing himself somehow embroiled in a robbery. Kind of cool, but also kind of Belgian.

Blade Runner
It's surprising to see Roy Batty crushing skulls then contemplating the meaning of life and saving Harrison Ford.

Role Models
One of the funnier to come out in the past year. Likely better than The Hangover, if that serves as reference. It's directed by David Wain, of Wet Hot American Summer. And it has a classic case of guy on the ground.