Thanks boss

The other day I had one of those "performance reviews" in which the boss judges how well I am doing my job. I guess this is a fairly common in most workplaces, and could even be valuable to both employer and employee, if done regularly and well. Thing is, neither of those words could be used in this particular case.

It consisted of a quick stop at my desk in which my boss (think a smarter, less innocent Michael Scott from The Office) handed me the evaluation form, which he had checked off in what appeared to the the quickest way possible, straight down the page.

"Performance review," he said within earshot of at least 10 coworkers. "Your fine. The only thing is you need to be more of a prick. Which we will work with you on." That was it.

I have no idea what this means, but nevertheless I have taken it to heart. No longer will I be nice to people who call here looking for their paper and get my desk because there is no receptionist and all calls are routed to the newsroom for some reason. It's cliche, but someday I'd like to work for a real news organization.

Before I would cooperate with subscribers to find some obscure article that "ran about a month ago on page 3" about a "task force" but no longer. Everyone who reads this fishwrapper is a goddamn moron, especially anyone who calls in. And the writers are all terrible, either young idiots or old imbeciles. They wouldn't know a good lead if it crashed into them like a small airplane flown by Cory Lidle (Timely!).