The team to beat

I really don't know where I'm going with this, and its a pretty blatant ripoff of The Dugout, but they didn't do anything on this topic so whatever.

Jimmy Rollins is holding a press conference to defend his recent statements that the Phillies are the 'team to beat' in the NL east in 2007.

Phillies PR phlack (Ed Wade): OK everyone, Jimmy is coming out to answer your questions.

Belligerent Philly Press: murmur murmur

J-Roll: Wassup Nukkas. Watchall want?

Beat writer: Mister Rollins, what explanation do you have for proclaiming the Phillies the team to beat? You return basically the same team that finished 12 games behind the Mets last year.

J-Roll: You dumb cracka, you know'll J-Roll don't answer to nothin but J-Roll, and also J-Ro on occasion. Get it right kid. *slaps beat writer upside the head

Beat Writer: Sorry sir, I mean J-Roll, but about my question ...

J-Roll: Gyeah mang, you know how we do

Beat Writer: You still didn't answer my question

J-Roll: Fuck off nukka, you gotst to let someone else speak on this

Stephen A. Smith: IS IT TRUE THAT YOU RAN A TRAIN ON SEVERAL OF CHASE'S CHICKS LAST NIGHT? ALSO DO YOU HAVE ANY CHEEZ DOODLES?

J-Roll: Shit man I ain't sure we wore dem hos out, but Chase is gettin hitched so somebody gotta take care his bitches. Victorina don't play as no caboose. *tosses bag of cheez doodles

Fatass Bill Conlin: We're getting off topic, I think I speak for everyone here when I say you cannot make proclamations about the phillies being good when I am king of the world.

J-Roll: Yo, who let Jabba up in here. Seriously man, how the fuck are you still alive. You are a disgusting human being.

Fatass Bill Conlin:*eats Stephen A's cheez doodles

Beat writer: J-Roll, come on, you have to have something to back up your boasts that you are the team to beat.

J-Roll: Aight listen up sucka, we got the best young team out there. Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Victorina, you can't hate on the field. And da pitchers beat wives and slash foos with machetes in the offseason. Straight bangin' yo.

Beat writer: But Urbina isn't even on the team anymore right? He's in prison in Venezuela or some other South American country in which he lives and kills people.

J-Roll: Yo I tweren't talking bout no Urbina, I was referrin to a man named Eude Brito. Dude is off the hinges, he's fuck yo mom with a tire iron. Check it.

At this point Eude Brito runs across the room and stabs Bill Conlin in the chest with a tuning fork.

J-Roll: See what I mean, tuning forks ain't even sharp and he made it rain on that fatass POS.

Fatass Bill Conlin: aaaarggghghgh my liver *dies

Beat writer: OK point taken, I will now back slowly away so as not to disturb you further.

Eude Brito:*Pulls tuning fork out of Bill Conlins corpse. Tunes voice. Sings.
Ai ai ai-ai, I am the Brito Bandito!