The NL Wild Card Race Via Dialogue

The Philadelphia Phillies and San Francisco Giants are standing together, talking.

PHI: So, yeah, how’d you do yesterday?

SFO. A’ight. We got Mike Stanton closing out games for us now. 1-2-3 in the ninth.

PHI: Um, okay. That might get worse before it gets better.

SFO: You guy’s win?

PHI: Not so much. J-Roll got thrown out at second in the ninth, killing our rally.

SFO: That J-Roll. When’s he gonna settle down and find a nice girl? I always see him out on the town with Pat Burrell. Those two can sure fill out a suit.

Uncomfortable silence.

SFO: So, what about the Padres? They win again?

PHI: Yeah. Another walk-off.

SFO: Yeah, They’re so hot right now. We play them tomorrow. That Mike Piazza. He’s classically handsome. I respect that.

Philadelphia coughs loudly.

PHI: Well I, ah, gotta go....Playing Florida tomorrow...

SFO: The Marlins?! I heard that they’re having a party tonight for their no-hitter. We should carpool.

PHI: Yeah, um, I’m on my bike.

SFO: Oh.

PHI: I guess we could...

SFO: No, no. That’s fine. Stretches and yawns. Gotta big game tomorrow. Gonna beat those Padres. Help us both out. Coughs awkwardly. No, have fun at your party. Tell those Marlins I hope they get moved to Oklahoma City and that their parents fucking die...just kidding. I love those kids.

PHI: Yeah, talk to you.

Philly leaves.

SFO: Looks at watch. Got a few hours to kill...

In walks the Cincinnati Reds.

CIN: Hey! I didn’t know you were still here. Wanna grab some chili?

SFO: Get away from me, you loser.