Deathmatch Counter-headbutt: Best rap lyrics

I'm not gonna lie, this was a struggle. With my preference for socially-conscious hip hop and the fact the "Make It Rain" was taken -- not too mention the fear of commenter wrath due to possible misspellings of Olde English brand malt liquor -- much self-medication (and Old English) was needed to make up the mind.

So I channelled my inner angry black man, realized if I was born brown in the projects I'd be dead by now and came up with this list.

Three 6 Mafia - Stay Fly

Gotta stay fly-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i
Until I Die-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i


With lyrics like those, its really no surprise these guys are the only oscar winners on this list.

But seriously...

NWA - Fuck the police

Fuck the police comin straight from the underground
Young nigga got it bad cause I'm brown

This opening salvo from the original gangsta-rappers forced countless whitebread middle Americans to sit up and take notice of the true problem facing the nation's urban areas. Not crack, gang-violence or shitty schools -- but Ice Cube's lack of respect for the law.



Eminem - Who Knew?

Fuck shit ass bitch cunt, shooby-de-doo-wop
Skibbedy-be-bop, a-Christopher Reeves
Sonny Bono, skis horses and hittin some trees



Marshall Mathers first two albums have some of the most innovative/make-you-think lyrics and flows to hit mainstream rap since Wu Tang's 36 Chambers. Like a hip hop South Park from 8 mile, pushing the limits of obscenity just because he can. This isn't even close to the most disturbing lyric the came up with (For that look to 97 Bonnie and Clyde, an entire song based on Will Smith's "Just the Two of Us" where Em tells his daughter about killing her mother). But for pure vulgarity and shock value it's hard to top.


Wu Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M.

Cash, Rules, Everything, Around, Me
C.R.E.A.M.
Get the money
Dolla dolla bill y'all



With all apologies to when RZA says "And the survey said -- ya dead," I'll go with the chorus from arguably the best song off the East Coast hip hop collective's seminal album. RIP ODB.


Dead Prez - Hell Yeah (Pimp the System)

Got me flippin burgers with no power
Can't even buy one off what I make in a hour

With Dead Prez, revolutionary but gangsta (RBG), its tough to narrow it down to just one lyric. One track will say how you need "be careful how you season and prepare your foods, cause you don't wanna lose vitamins and minerals" and the next will talk about "runnin up on them crackers in they city hall."

But as far a profound statements go, the "flippin burgers" line is the kind that cuts deep so anyone can understand it. Plus that track has verses on robbing the pizza boy and committing credit card fraud. Fuck it here's the video.

Deathmatch Counterpunch: Best Rap Lyrics

These aren't really good or meaningful, but they're fun to use in random conversation and I think they're powerful in their own simple eloquence.


5. Fat Joe feat. Lil Wayne - Make it Rain



Lil Wayne - I make it rain on them hos

This song was already amazing when I heard the "Make it Rain" chorus and then I heard the unedited version that blatantly objectifies and demeans hookers. They're hookers though so they'll get over it. We made it hail on this nasty ho when we started balling up our bills and pelting her in the face with them after she gripped up Hooks at Midge's birthday party. (Cell phone pics are sadly missing, although I was seriously considering uploading them to the company server)


4. Black Rob - Whoa



Black Rob - Grenade through your window bitch, like whoa!

This song is a rap insitution. It's so utterly bad and corny that you can't help but love it. You hear all kinds of rappers boasting about which caliber pistol they would use to vanquish their adversaries, but a grenade? Yes Black Rob, I would be quite alarmed if a grenade came through my window, but this just sounds ridiculous. You jumping two stories down onto a flat bed trailer rigged with pyrotechnics in sync to the break beat in the video isn't helping either.


3. Trick Daddy - 'Dro in the wind



Trick Daddy - You gotsta understand, Trick love da kids

I don't know if it's because Trick is speaking in the third person or because of the profound validity of the statement, but this is a classic. Trick Daddy truly does care about the children and isn't that what really matters after all?


2. Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz - Throw it Up (remix)



Pastor Troy - Wood grain in the mother fucking dualie truck

This is another good one to quote whenever you see a dualie truck because it's always totally plausible that the occupants are indeed rocking the wood grain interior. Plus, if you get the badass Requiem for a Dream-sampled remix, you get to hear another one of Young Buck's gems:

Home of the dirty dirty, stop and they still spinnin
They tried to hit me like 50, but bitch I'm still livin


1. G-Unit - Stunt 101



Young Buck - The ice in my teeth keep the Crystal cold

This is my favorite rap lyric of all time to quote because of a powerful index of reasons why these words should never come out of my mouth. Namely the fact that I'm a dorky white kid that can't afford Crystal nor the diamonds with which to keep it chilled.

Deathmatch Listoff: Best Rap Lyrics

5. Jay-Z, “Allure” (Gray Album Version)

And I can't explain why, I just love to get high
Drink life, smoke the blueberry sky, blink twice
I'm in the blueberry 5, you blink three times
I may not even be alive
How mean James Dean couldn't escape the allure
Dyin young, leavin a good lookin corpse



I don’t know what is a “Blueberry 5,” or why James Dean has to be “mean,” but fuck, if you’re a rapper or a Beatle, you better live your life by these lyrics.

4. Dr. Dre, “Dre Day”

If it ain’t another ho that I gots to fuck with
Gap teeth in yo mouth so my dicks got to fit



Oh the days of Eazy-E vs. the Dre crew. Too bad the feud ended when E died of the Aids.

3. Wu-Tang Clan, “Method Man”

M-E-T-H-O-D Man
M-E-T-H-O-D Man
M-E-T-H-O-D Man
M-E-T-H-O-D Man



I challenge any other person on this earth to repeat their name four times and sound as good as this…for the record, Beetlejuice is not of this earth…

2. Ice Cube, “Who Got the Camera”

Mr. Law had to hit me in the jaw
‘Cause I called them faggots
With guns and badges



The slur against homosexuals here is (a) acceptable cultural relativism, since said lyrics were written in those dark times of 1992, and (b) allowed, when referencing cops. It’s funny because he also denigrates their attire and weapons. The entire song is about Cube getting pulled over and abused by the 5-0, all the while screaming out for someone to videotape. Though at the end he notes that the fucking police are getting badder, ‘cause if he had a camera, it still wouldn’t matter.

1. Snoop Doggy Dogg, “Doggy Dogg World”

You think you got the bomb
‘Cause I rolled you a joint?
You’s a flea. And I’m the big dog
I’ll scratch you off my balls
With my muthafuckin paws

This is the best boast in the history of the universe. Goddamn those were good times for Snoop Deezy. I enjoy the physicality of comparing his enemies to fleas, and then positioning himself as a dog so big, his balls are world enough. Big Dog indeed.



Welcomes to E-roc and dr.piece, by the way. I look forward to deathlisting you both.