Sticking with the theme of gaming systems, here's a little viddy for a new Wii accessory. Looks, uhh, interesting.
I'll stick with my crazy spin action on Wii Bowling.
Speaking of bowling, this guy should be on the And-1 Bowling Edition.
To conclude with some complete randomness, for those who haven't seen Transformers, you're missing some sweet Osprey action. Although I have no idea why they were cruising in helicopter mode.
So I got NCAA Football 08 for my PS3 today. Somehow I was able to pull myself away from it to make a post. The best part so far? Starting my dynasty with the Minnesota Golden Gophers, in particular rapey mcrape. I was going to write a diatribe on college/professional athletes and their propensity to get their sexual assault on, but I figured that was too much.
I considered deleting the involved players from my team, but unfortunately my need to obtain a ridiculous recruiting class requires me to keep the players involved on my team (they are high ranking defenders, after all). I have returned a couple interceptions for touchdowns with "the ambassador" and my house has been echoing with cheers of "the rapist does it again". I think something is wrong with me. At least he'll be in jail soon and hopefully plenty of others will be returning the favor.
from that to this...
In complete desperation of cleansing myself of the conversation I had with my roommate last night, we have this post. To sum up the situation, roomie is a hardcore christian conservative. He belongs to a country club. His younger brother works as an intern at the White House. Basically a good German and all around nice guy.
Last night he was regaling me with tales of Rush Limbaugh's hilarious mocking of those losers who believe in global warming. Sometime after that I found myself saying something like "Well you know, Al Gore is kind of out there, but that doesn't mean global warming doesn't exist." Jesus tap-dancing Christ thats lame. At least later I shocked him with the news that I would prefer Gore as president.
Anyway, I still feel like a complete shit for how I handled the whole situation -- why should I censor myself to spare his feelings? It's not helping anyone. So as some sort of godless communist recompense I'm running down a list of subversive bands that are popular despite their damning of the man.
The Offspring OK we're starting off kind of weak. I don't think Why don't you get a job is going to inspire anyone to revolution. But they enjoy a special place in my heart just because of their performance at Woodstock 99. They brought out effigies of the backstreet boys and beat the hell out of them. Later the crowd went complete apeshit and the sky was filled with plastic bottles. The Kids Aren't All Right was an amazing ... HOLY CRAP I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS IN THAT CROWD
Marilyn Manson
"Capitalism has made it this way, Old-fashioned fascism will take it away"
-The Beautiful People
Thats more like it. There's not much more to say. I know he's not everyone's cup of tea. But you gotta respect a man who combined the names of the most famous sex object with the most famous murderer. I'm going to resist posting any images or videos, cause they are weally scawy. edit: Nevermind, here's Charlie
The Arcade Fire
"Ain't much chance for survival if the neon bible is right."
Gotta represent for the indies. One look at their song titles tells you all you need to know [Antichrist Television Blues] Not to mention that that song's first two verses are a allegory for 9/11 before going into how his little girl is getting warped by society. Neon Bible is the best album I've purchased in the past year and half. Although Cold War Kids are creeping up on the outside.
Here's a video of Arcade Fire playing the album's title track in an elevator. Note the use of ripping.
Tool
"Some say the end is near. Some say we'll see armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will. I sure could use a vacation from this bullshit three ring circus sideshow of freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA. The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any fucking time. Any fucking day. Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay. Fret for your figure and Fret for your latte and Fret for your hairpiece and Fret for your lawsuit and Fret for your prozac and Fret for your pilot and Fret for your contract and Fret for your car." -Ænema
Well that's certainly uplifting. Here it is in video form. Nope, not weird at all. Maynard hates drugs.
Nine Inch Nails The most subversive of all. Government, god, societal mores, american culture, nothing escapes the ire of Trent Reznor. I particularly enjoy the most recent effort, Year Zero, which has been mentioned before in this space.
To recap: It's a concept album set in an fascist future. It's got everything covered, power-hungry godheads, helpless plebes, good soldiers, the whole sordid scene from start to finish. This is not to ignore his earlier work, which was plenty subversive in itself. NIN had a song called "Heresy" for christsake. But the maturity and focus of incendiary lyrics on Year Zero really is something to behold.
I think this video for the first single "Survivalism" gets my point across. I was hoping for a video for Capital G, but alas only fanvids are available.
Ahh I feel much better. Sorry I didn't mention rage.
You may have heard about the so-called "Obama girl" whose video
I got a Crush ... On Obama skyrocketed to the top of the viral video heap, with more than two million views and counting. Be forewarned though, if you click that link you will lose braincells. Probably about a whippets' worth.
Anyway, she's back with a new video. This time Obama Girl faces off against Guiliani Girl, who says she wants Rudy to be "Guili-on-me" See for yourself.
Far be it from me to make sweeping generalizations about what the introduction of these videos could bring to American politics. uhhh ... Zeitgeist is fucked? What can I say, it's beyond me.
I mean, I like Obama and all -- I sure hope he beats out Hillary, but go ahead and call me a Paultard, cause I'm seriously considering changing my party affiliation from independent to republican just so I can vote for Ron Paul in the primary.
Ron Paul: Significantly less crazy than Mike Gravel.
No, not King James' performance of "My Lebrogative" on the ESPYs. But this:
Thats right. It's Von Hayes, who to better represent the Phillies 10,000th loss. Well known as part of the 5 for 1 541 deal in the '80s in which the Phils traded away such luminaries as Manny Trillo, George Vukovich, Jay Baller, Jerry Willard, and Julio Franco (still alive!).
That little factoid is one of many hilariously stupid chapters that make up the Philadelphia Phillies long and sordid history.
Here is one such story. It's no blowing a 6 game lead with 10 to play in 1964, or shitty owner William F. Baker building a giant fence over the right-field wall so hall-of-fame left-handed hitter Chuck Klein wouldn't challenge any of Babe Ruth's home run records, because then Klein would deserve more money that Baker didn't want to pay, or even some idiotic Ed Wade move (Pat Burrell).
No this is back in the halcyon days of 1993, when the Phillies rode steriod-fueled Lenny Dykstra, psychotic misogynist Darren Daulton, two-nutted John Kruk, "Wild Thing" Mitch Williams and a bunch of other yahoos to the brink of a World Series championship. There's no need to rehash what happened.
Sidenote: My Joe Carter hate manifested itself while I was in college and said slugger became the terribly bad color man for the Cubs. I remember one particular instance, when they were playing the Phillies and Carter described a middling Phillies starter thusly:
"Robert Person is a man who loves life itself."
Anyway, this tale is from Game 4 of said Phillies-Blue Jays series. The Phillies had a 14-9 lead in the eighth inning of a rainy, ridiculous game.
Actually lets back up: I remember sitting the the 700 level of Veterans Stadium, putting on a poncho, when Dykstra hit his second home run of the night in the fifth inning. It was the moment that got me through the strike in 1994, besides maybe momma thope cheering the Phils to a World Series championship in 1980 with yours truly in utero.
Needless to say the Phillies lost game 4. By now most of the memories have faded into an idle distrust of Tony Fernandez, Todd Stottlemyre and Paul Molitor. But that moment, when the rain was coming down and the crowd was rising up ... well, it defies description.
So here's video of Veteran's stadium imploding.
It's about the same feeling.
Ahh well, its the end of the week, which means we gotta get some filler up here on the fainting goats. Here are some hastily written thought-nuggets, complete with linky goodness.
The old Nintendo8 got killed for some "administrative" reasons, whatever that means. Fortunately you can get all that NES 8-bit gaming you need at virtualnes. Personally I have been playing the original final fantasy, which due to a lack of a save function means my computer has been on for 8 days straight. Also, I'll probably update the links over there on the right someday. If I feel like it. While drunk.
Republicans racist? Nah ... I'm sure they all had the flu. When will these damn NAACP-types realize no one cares about black people, except for maybe Will Smith.
Hmmm, what else? Well this recently released trailer for Halo 3 gave me a chubby. Considering Halo is like my crack, I was pretty concerned after dr.gpiece said XBox 360s break a lot. Red ring of death you say? I'm pretty sure I'm still going to buy one and play it until it breaks, then send it back and start again. Thanks for the warranty extension Mr. Gates.
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't make some comment about the Transformers movie, or as it should be called: The greatest film in the history of celluloid. That is what I want in a summer blockbuster. I take back everything bad I ever said about you Michael Bay. I was impressed with how much it stayed faithful to the original while updating it for today. Starscream is such an ass. Always failing Megatron. ARE YOU EBAY USER LADIESMAN217!?!
And yes, the JJ Abrams godzilla-like movie looks amazing.
See for yourself.
Did anyone watch Live Earth? I watched it for about five minutes, saw Davey Havok and AFI totally butcher Ziggy Stardust then turned it off. Don't get me wrong, I like AFI, "Sing the Sorrow" is a great solid album. But watching that freak in action, mutilating classic Bowie, really fucking sucked. While watching it I kept picturing Vito's son from the Sopranos, the one who took a shit in the shower at school and then stepped in it. Go home and cry kill yourself, emo-kid.
Simply put, I got a feeling of BS from Live Earth. Like the one thing that called it Private Jets for Global Warming. But this article crystallized it for me. Basically the authors point is that Live Earth was all about consumerism, corporate sponsors and what have you.
Sponsors for the event included Chevrolet, Philips, NBC (parent company General Electric) and Microsoft. If there is anything Live Earth does represent about our generation, it's the commercialized raping and pillaging of our youth we've endured since we were toddlers: being force-fed Pokémon, Barbie and Happy Meals our whole life, taught that we "gotta catch 'em all!"He goes on to point out that the way to save the planet is not to buy more shit, but to CONSERVE. Ride a fucking bike people!
Aside from a few blatantly obvious energy-saving tips, how did the organizers of Live Earth propose we combat climate change? Buying a fuel-efficient Chevy car, replacing our light bulbs with Philips' compact fluorescents and listening to music on a Microsoft Zune instead of energy-wasting speakers.
After the blatant attack on my video game systems of choice by the Sony fanboy below, I felt the need to offer a differing opinion.
I don't see this happening with a PS3 anytime soon.
Cue the "sandy vagina" flame from dr.gpeice in 3...2...1...
ok, so i've been watching the live coverage of E3 on G4 b/c i have nothing better to do...literally. now being only mildly interested in video games (love buying games, but then 1-2 weeks later i'm bored), this isn't something that really causes me to blow my load (i actually heard some douchebag say that on live tv about some game...sigh). what i do have though is undying devotion to sony and all those playstations...we actually have 3 ps2's and 1 ps3 in my house. so i'm going to complain about some things i've seen, mainly xbox and nintendo related.
first of all, if you don't speak english don't get on stage and go on in japanese so we have to wait for the translator to repeat everthing in english. just find someone who can speak english to give your speech...you're not that engaging and you're probably reading your speech from a teleprompter anyway.
secondly, nintendo wii sucks. i'm sorry, but the novelty of the wireless stick thingies wore off a long time ago. and coming out with new controllers for different games doesn't interest me. if i wanted to play tennis, i'd go outside and play tennis. i wouldn't stand in front of the tv swinging some little stick around like a douche. this can go for pretty much all the nintendo sports titles. granted there are some fun games in the nintendo universe, namely mario cart, metroid, smash bros., zelda, and a few more i might have forgot (doubtful) but i refuse to go with a system that revolves around a gimmick.
metal gear solid 4 looks sweet.
i will admit that xbox is intriguing, but lets face facts; americans don't know vg's like the japanese. and microsoft is evil. when are they going to try to take over the world? bill gates is going to go crazy and hack into our national defense. he'll probably bomb japan trying to wipe all his competitors off the board for good. also, i'll never forgive xbox for making those god-awful ginormous controllers on xbox 1. and halo can lick my balls. sure it's a fun game, but it's not thaaaaat amazing. plus the 360 is a piece of crap...there was some poll taken saying that 50% of owners had to have their 360 repaired, some more than once. that's to be expected when a system first comes out...but this is over a year later.
g4 has some beautiful ladies talking about video games and that's totally hot. much better than listening to them go on about shoes, diamonds or yeast infections.
There is some online program you can use to rate your blog, and apparently the fainting goats is rated NC-17 due to its mature content. Just so you know -- don't let small children or puppies see it, cause that would result ... OH GOD WHY RUSSELL MARTIN LOOKS NOTHING LIKE TURTLE FROM ENTOURAGE I WILL KILL YOU JOE BUCK ... then they would grow up cynical and enjoy mocking everything in the world, ever. Either that or become compulsive gamblers. Cause dogs like to play poker.
This public service announcement brought to you by a crazy Japanese commercial. I think it's either for poison or canned milk.
kind of a crappy homerun derby, especially considering the showing by both morneau and howard (i got a little love for philly)...but i'm happy with vlad taking the trophy. in honor of his triumphant (oh wait, rios hit 2 in the final round...never mind) victory, here is his theme song. at least it should be.
vlad the impaler, indeed.
let's call transformers (the movie) what is really is. since i'm done with school for the summer, i figure i should start seeing some cheap matinee's. today was transformers...and i was pleasantly surprised. i had heard good things all around, but i never doubt michael bay's ability to put together total crapfests with big poop-splosions.
the very beginning had me worried when he sped through a little back story in blink and you missed it fashion followed by action sequence in the desert with, you guessed it, big explosions. it didn't help that pretty much the entire "special forces" squad couldn't act their way out of a paper bag...tyrese? negro please. and random white dude with cliche baby he's never seen at home...spare me...some of the one liners were so bad i already blocked them out of my memory, and i was sober! whatever happened to the good old days where arnold's one liners alone were worth the price of admission?
i must admit though...explosions are one thing. explosions brought upon by giant alien robots are something completely different. as long as they don't involve tom cruise in any way...or i suppose will smith either...speaking of will smith, apparently he is legend. and i'm not talking about the christian hardcore/rock/punk band, no i'm talking about i am legend, where mr. smith is apparently the last man on earth and he has to battle a bunch of vampires or something. now, i love vampire movies, and i always have. there was a period in my life where i seriously wanted to be one...i've even been to transylvania! but will smith battling vampires? come on. i'd rather see dj jazzy jeff in that role. cuba gooding jr. must have been busy making snow dogs 2 or something.
anyway...what did i like about transformers? let's list them out so i don't go on any more tangents...
1) Shia LeBeouf is hilarious...if he wasn't already a movie star, i'd say he should try to save SNL with andy samberg...oh but wait, they have goodburger dude...SNL is set for life. basically i have been holding out hope for this movie simply because shia was in it...and he didn't disappoint.
2) Megan Fox is hot.
3) Anthony Anderson is also hilarious. plus he was totally bad ass in the last few seasons of the shield.
4) John Turturro. Great actor. and he gets pissed on by an autobot (i forget which one...michael bay, i take back everything bad i've ever said about you...that my friend is comic [liquid] gold). i can't think of a movie where he didn't satisfy. although he has lost points for the bronx is burning on espn...i could care less about the f'n yankees. stupid espn, you suck big time...with the exception of baseball tonight.
so yeah, go see transformers. it's the type of movie you need to see on the big screen. typical michael bay, but with actors who can actually entertain (unlike the will smith and martin lawrence tag team).
previews (that i can remember)
1) Balls of Fury - ping pong, christopher walken, patton oswalt, some fat dude who's probably funny...need i say more?
2) rush hour 3 - thope said it best when talking about ice cube movies, specifically friday...chris tucker's schtick is very old. especially when paired with jackie chan. i'd rather just watch him get stoned and mess with big worm.
3) i am legend - i already gave this my two cents. will smith is weak sauce.
4) untitled j.j. abrams project - some sort of monster flick ala godzilla...but hopefully better. also see this and this. i have my fingers crossed for p.diddy covering led zeppelin again. movie has potential.
and this post wouldn't be complete without some random video...make sure you watch until the end.
Here you go, just watch this 40 times so you don't have to listen to Berman, Joe Morgan and Dusty Baker's suit. Although Kenny Mayne is in a kayak.
"Krunk juice walk it out."
Hip hop is dead.
This time it's from the streets.
I was going to do this whole elaborate post about whether rapper/actors are worthwhile, but that proved too difficult. Have you ever thought about how many hip-hop impresarios have moved in front of the camera? By my measure, it's a cubic fuck-ton.
One word -- Shaq.
On the other hand, doing my favorite Samuel L. Jackson flicks is too obvious. We all know Pulp Fiction is greatest cinematic achievement of the past 20 years; and I have already dedicated way too many posts (or not nearly enough?) to Snakes on a Plane and/or Deep Blue Sea.
So after perusing IMDB I am assured that this is real. That's right, its my favorite Ice Cube movies, with all apologies to I Got the Hook Up. I fear Cube may be typecast as some sort of angry black man.
XXX: State of the Union You were expecting Anaconda?
I already deconstructed this more than is necessary here. This fan vid would be better than the actual movie if that were humanly possible. Warning: Contains Breaking Benjamin.
Higher Learning This is the one where Cube actually doesn't play a gangster ... well he kind of does, but this time he is educated and militant. He knows how to keep you guessing. But really what kept my attention (besides the institutional racism) was the possibility of Jennifer Connelly and Kristy Swanson hooking up. Probably NSFW. There's sideboob.
Friday Yeeuh. I think my favorite part of this movie is when Cube has to put water on his cereal. But of course there is also Chris Tucker doing his schtick before it got old, Cube's dad, Deebo, Bernie Mac as the pastor neighbor and all the rest of the gang. A true cinematic masterpiece.
Three Kings He's kind of a background character to Marky Mark and George Clooney, plus Spike Jonze steals the show as the idiot redneck. But Cube provides some quality depth in one of the more intelligent looks at the the original War in Iraq. You know, the one where we won but didn't get rid of Saddam. Bush 1 bitches!
I love the United States of Freedom!
Boyz N the Hood I assume Cube basically plays himself in this, as its one of his first roles and he comes across so believable. And he's all like -- Bitch there ain't no god, then shoots people with his AK. But later he dies and I was sad. Why oh why couldn't it have been Cuba? Fucking Snow Dogs.
I don't have too much this week. Partying on the fourth of july took a lot out of me, plus I am going to a wedding this afternoon. So here are some quick hit links.
Here's an article about "deep-thinkers" struggles in the business world today. I hate networking.
Everybody needs some quality advice on what not to do during a zombie attack.
This is kind of a cool little map about who has conquered the middle east in the past 5000 years. And by cool I mean mildly informative.
You may remember the middle sister from Full House, Stephanie Tanner. Well she's recovered from her meth addiction and "upgraded" her assets.
And finally what would a post be if I didn't leave you with a video. Here we have David Bowie's epic performance on Extras. Probably the best moment on the show outside of when Harry Potter carried around a condom with no wrapper in his pocket and propositioned Gervais' friend.
Are you having a laugh?
When I think of the United States and everything it stands for, I think of one person. No, not George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, FIGJAM, or Scooter Libby. I think of an Irish-Italian kid from Brooklyn who stole our hearts in countless classics and still had time to volunteer firefight. In celebration of the upcoming 4th of July holiday and to honor an actor comparable only to Brando, Bogart, and (Kirk) Douglas, I put together a list of my five favorite Steve Buscemi movies.
5. The Island - This is a pretty shitty movie and I hope Michael Bay doesn't rape Transformers like he did this gem. Regardless, Busc's part is the slimeball type he plays oh-so-well, and he gets killed which is standard issue. Extra bonus: Scarlett.
4. The Big Lebowski - No need for an introduction here. Enjoy the fucking short version.
3. Airheads - Mix the likes of Encino Man, Happy Gilmore, Kramer and Joey Zasa on the silver-screen with Mr. Buscemi about a band so hardcore they take over a radio station and you have an instant classic. Here's a clip from the end where Steve gets the hairy-eyeball from a couple of his prison mates.
2. Fargo - You don't say, eh? This had to make the list since old Carl Showalter went head-first through the ol' wood chipper. And he's not afraid to put hookers before pancakes.
1. Reservoir Dogs - Stuck in the middle with you. Typical fast-talking Buscemi as he plays Mr. Pink in the Tarantino classic. For a guy who usually gets knocked-off in his roles, Mr. Pink survived the closing triangular shoot-out and headed for the jewels. And the bastard doesn't tip. Kudos.
Honorable mention: Lonesome Dove. Sure, it's actually a made-for-TV mini-series, but it's a classic.
For my money, Queens of the Stone Age is one of the most underrated bands around. Critically acclaimed sometimes, their brand of stoner rock could be described by me as the red-headed stepchild of The Stooges and Led Zeppelin, with Frank Zappa as their weekend daddy.
Frontman Josh Homme says they wanted to create "a heavy sound based on a solid jam, and just pound it into your head"
Well said from the man who penned these lyrics:
Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol.
Cocaine.
Those are the only words in the entire song.
Combine that with their kind-of trademark driving bassline and you truly do create the "Feel Good Hit of the Summer" (off their second album, Rated R)
Many would refer to this type of music as "stoner rock" but Homme rejects the label due to his hatred of Monster Magnets' epic jam "Space Lord"
Just kidding, here's the real reason:
The term sucks. The only element of the audience I want to get rid of is the shirtless, sweaty, maxi-mullet jock dudes. We want sex to bleed into the music. At our shows, we want to see half boys and half girls in a utopian world, dancing and drinking.Well said brother.
Yeah, per A-Rob's request, I tried to come up with some photoshop action of Jose Reyes getting shivved. Didn't really work out. It's really hard to do blood in PS.
I did come up a couple things that I'm less than excited about, including the internet memetastic image above. It's no Barry Bonds as gorilla or even a blinged out Jimmy Rollins, but whatever.
I can still fantasize about Chase bringing a bat out into the field with him during the all star game and breaking the legs (or face) of Jose Reyes and David Wright both.
I'm unaware of the geographical makeup of the Fainting Goats fan base, but I do know the origins: Philadelphia. We're at a low right now: without a professional championship (in the four major sports) since 1983, a homicide count currently at the 200 mark, and we've lost the title of being the 5th most populous city in the United States to Phoenix. One thing has us looking up, literally: the new addition to the skyline, the Comcast Center, will be the tallest building between New York and Chicago, barely towering over some building in the city Ichiro would rather get punched in the face than have to spend time in. Things will turn around, I can feel it, especially with our mayor on the job, oh actually, he's in line for a new iPhone.
That being said, how about a video:
Fucking right.
The Mutts are in town and I'd like to see some quality photoshop work of Jose Reyes getting shived by JRoll or something. Damn I hate the Mets.
I'll leave you with one last link: test your mouse skills with this winner.
First we got this collection of some of the most influential photos of all time. Some serious thought-provoking stuff there. A warning though, some of its pretty intense.
And to lighten things up check out this webcomic about the crazy adventures of fruits and vegetables. I don't know what the point of it is, but it made me chuckle.
Lets see, what else? There's this video of a businessman going nuts in a hotel lobby. Can you say epic meltdown? I don't think he needs any more coffee, but you never know. Feel sorry for the woman who is trying to calm him down. Also it's probably fake.
Oh man that is fucking classic. What is with his SPELLING!
Thats it for now, I'll be back next week with more of the barely coherent blog posts you've come to know and tolerate.
IAN WHERE ARE YOU!
Well, the NBA draft is happening tonight. A friend of mine at the paper I work for is in MSG covering it. I had suggested to him blogging from the draft, which would have been freaking awesome. Unfortunately the suits at the NBA got wind of it and put the kibosh on that (live blog that is). He is still making some posts, just not during the actual telecast, check it out at the www.dailylocal.com sports tab, plus then you can see the amazing graphic I made. Not gonna post the link, unfortunately, because the fainting goats probably shouldn't show up on the tracking logs at work.
But anyway, I'm going to do a shitty liveblog, purely out of spite. Fuck you NBA. If you want to see a much better liveblog, check out Bethlehem Shoals over at Deadspin.
Here we go:
They just interviewed Joakim Noah and his suit does not disappoint. I'm pretty sure he just got Jeff Daniels tux from Dumb and Dumber modified fit him bleached. That is the greatest thing I have seen this week. Pic is likely coming. Here it is, with bonus Stu Scott action!
The blazers pick Oden, because THAT'S WHAT THEY HAD TO DO /SAS
He was putting on hand sanitizer so as to not get commissioner Stern sick. Just an outstanding human being.
Wow, they just announced the Celtics are trading for Ray Allen, just giving up the fifth pick, Delonte West and Wally Szerbiak. The Sports Guy's head just exploded.
Durant goes 2, no surprise there. So the sonics will have Jeff Green and Kevin Durant to go with Shard. Not too shabby.
And with the third pick the Hawks take Al Horford. The 47th year in a row Atlanta has taken a forward with their first pick.
Memphis is on the clock. My gut and the leaked info from ESPN says they take Mike Conley Jr. 100% correct. AND we have the obligatory interview with Mike Conley Sr.
Alright this is fucking lame. I hate doing this liveblog shit. I've made my point so that's it for now. Clearly the NBA has learned its lesson? I may post something later, like after the sixers pick. PEACE
And two hours later I'm back. The sixers drafted THADDEUS Young and Daequan Cook, but supposedly Cook is getting traded for some white big guy (Jason Smith).
But the real point I want to make here is the international incident in the making that is Yi Jianlian getting drafted by Milwaukee. How many more of our pets will be poisoned by imported dog food before Yi can go to a city that doesn't suck?
Also the Phillies are in the bottom of the 10th and rain is pouring down. Chris Wheeler is personally offended by the puddles in the infield. BUT Jroll just hit a gapper with two men on to end it. FA REAL.
Now lets see who the sixers take with their third first round pick. Until that happens, I'm going to look for a good video to cap this off with.
Petteri Koponen! Finns forever.
And to cap it off, here's the dramatic groundhog Kill Bill remix.
Welly-welly-well! After almost a year of loyalty to Fainting Goats, I've been granted posting access so I, too, can share my thoughts and opinions on various topics, or, simply get real wasted and put down the first thing that comes to mind and then erase it the next day when I regain composure. Like that time THope and I ran into sideburns at Kildare's in the Dub-C...
Alright, I digress. I didn't know what to talk about to pop my posting cherry. I still have no idea what I want to talk about, I just want to lose my blogging virginity and get it over with. Kind of like the girl in junior high who would date an older guy just so he would take advantage of her and she could be the first in her group of friends to get laid. Then she gets knocked up in 8th grade and has to leave 5th period early to get an ultrasound. Pretty sure that girl went no where in life, which is probably the fate of my blogging career.
Any who, here's a video compilation of Iron Mike Tyson, most of which from before he gave that girl VD, set to the tune of "Final Countdown" by Europe.
And for something completely different, here's an English Bulldog, named Tyson, skateboarding.
Well, that's all I have at the moment. Expect more gems like this in the future.
Congrats everybody, we are well on our way to setting the record for most contributors who never contribute to a blog. But don't worry, I don't have anything better to do. Except drink, but I can do that and this at the same time.
"Ohh baby, you are so talented. And they are so DUMB"
Anyway, steroid-fueled reader Dan, probably the only regular visitor who doesn't have posting priviledges, linked to video in the comments about the new microsoft tabletop computer thingy. I was going to post it up here, but then realized I was bored less than a minute in and this isn't Gizmodo. Although if I ever do get one of these surface doo-dads (not likely on a journalist salary) I would be all like "There hasn't been a murder in six years. The system, it is perfect" or "Everybody runs, Fletch. Everybody runs"
But anyway, my point?
This video of course. Because I enjoy the mocking of things I can't afford.
I wanted to post a video of Carlos Ruiz (Phillies catcher) stealing home, but sadly it was unavailable. Failing that, I wanted to post a video of Laser Dragon University. But it is unembedable. Jerks. Then I watched the first 15 seconds of this and thought it was kind of cool. So here it is in lieu of some sort of coherent post.
Sorry but I went out for my roommates 24th birthday Tuesday night and I got nothing else.
Fucking Yeti.
Here's that Benny Fielhaber goal that beat Mexico on Sunday. The call isn't as good as Max Bretos' on Fox Soccer Channel. But I think fainting goats was missing a dude screaming goal in spanish.
Today the Supreme Court ruled against the "Bong Hits for Jesus" kid. In case you hadn't heard, a high school kid displayed this sign when the Olympic torch passed through on its way Salt Lake City in 2002.
Now that is just some good old fashioned fun! But apparently the sign could be interpreted as promoting drug use, and the supreme court agrees that the term "bong hits" could refer to the smoking of drugs.
It's news to me:
Student Joseph Frederick said the banner's language was meant to be nonsensical and funny, a prank to get on television as the Winter Olympic torch relay passed by the school in Juneau, Alaska.Well at least someone is looking out for the children. Bong hits 4 Jesus? Jesus twern't no hippie you damn dirty, uh, hippies!
But school officials say the phrase "bong hits" refers to smoking marijuana. Principal Deborah Morse suspended Frederick for 10 days because she said the banner advocated or promoted illegal drug use in violation of school policy.
I took a little break from posting on here. I was thinking, "hey maybe one of the other 'authors' will put something up." Not surprisingly, no one did. You lazy fucks.
So in the interest of not really having a point, here's a couple things I've been mulling -- besides the United States beating Mexico for the Gold Cup (soccer matters). Both of the following have been mentioned before (not necessarily by me, but the blagosphere is ad nauseum).
The Wire is so fucking good. I've been watching the old episodes on DVD to catch up before the fifth and final season.
As the season approaches I'll probably offers some more in depth stylings, character analysis, themes -- you know -- all that smart guy stuff. But for now, enjoy this video, especially if you've never seen it.
It's the entire first episode of season four. Hope you have an hour to kill.
I don't want to ruin it for you, but lets just say Snoop doesn't use that nail gun for what you think. Also, that opening scene is classic "Wire" in how it shows the interaction between the "straight" world and the "street" world. Home depot dude is totally befuddled.
Has anyone ever sold out more rapidly than the Black Eyed Peas?
One minute they were recording tracks like "Where is the love?"
The next minute they are changing the the lyrics of "Let's Get Retarded" to "Let's get it started" for a shitty NBA playoff promo. Yes, worse than David Blaine.
Fergie is fucking awful. My Humps? London Bridge? I will not post or link to either of those crimes against humanity.
And don't get me started on "Fergielicious."
What does that even mean? Can she only be described by a word combining her name and -licious? At least Beyonce can back up bootylicious claims with visual evidence.
From now on I will excuse all my actions by describing myself as thopetastic.
The glorious empire of Nippon has done it again!
This time in baseball form:
That was not a strike.
After reading the top 100 best-reviewed Sci-Fi movies of all time today on rotten tomatoes -- because that's, you know, research for my job -- I hit up Circuit City looking for Children of Men or Brazil on DVD. No dice. Apparently visions of post-apocalyptic and Orwellian futures aren't big enough sellers to keep them in stock. More like Circuit Shitty. ZING!
So after resisting an impulse to buy The Wire: Complete Second Season on DVD (Only 59.99, what a deal!) I spotted the South Park The Hits: Volume 1. I was incredulous at first, but picked it up anyway. Oh man check out the back of the box:
"People always ask us, 'What's your favorite episode?' And I say, 'It's so hard. It's like choosing between your children.' But then I would have no problem choosing between my children. It would be the tall, smart one."So true. Plus the ten episodes are some of the most memorable -- like Towelie, Trapped in the Closet, Awesome-O, Best Friends Forever, Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset, and of course --
This video has been around the block, LIKE YOUR MOM. rimshot
But anyway, its Pinky the cat!
Haha, right in the groin. That will never get old.
/lame
YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
A quick note: Sorry to both of you who saw that post I put up early this morning drunk as all hell. I thought I had learned that the craziness that goes through my drunken head at 2am shouldn't be broadcast in any medium -- but then again, alcohol lowers inhibitions.
Anyway, the offending post that prompted a comment of only "dude" from TMoney has been removed from the halls of the Interwebs forever.
But if you are upset that you missed out, the old "Stuck in the middle with you" post is still available. Decipher that one, bitches!
"I'm sick of hearing bout the haves and the have nots. Have some personal accountability. The biggest problem with the way that we've been doing things is the more we let you have the less that I'll be keeping for me."
-Nine Inch Nails, "Capital G"
First, I am a big fan the term no knock search warrant. In other words, inept SWAT team members who barely graduated from middle school fire tear gas into your house, set it on fire, kill a dog then laugh. Just standard procedure to get criminals off the street.
But hey, if you don't get served with a no knock warrant, maybe you want to fly on a plane. Just watch out for those too-friendly TSA screeners. Good times.
Finally, have this ridiculous email exchange between Judd Apatow (director of Knocked Up and 40-year-old virgin) and Mark Brazill (writer for That 70s show). Get cancer indeed.
Thats it, to get psyched for the weekend enjoy some Powerthirst.
For your consideration. Which of these two videos is funnier?
I LOLZ at both.
Votes and arguments in the comments.
Triumph the insult comic dog at the Tonys
Tommy Chong on the Colbert Report
edit: original got taken down -- here's another. You cannot stop the viral videos Viacom! Also, if this one goes down too, you can check it out here.
Lets liveblog what is hopefully the end of the NBA season. Angelina Jolie on the Daily Show will have to wait til the 8 times it's on tommorrow. But I will toss up this most ridiculous of commercials.
There, there Billy, the Weatherman will tell us its OK.
So to the point. Its 66-64 with 4:50 to play. Hard to believe it has been nearly two months since WARRIORS.
Tony parker turns it over. Tied up. ANDERSON VERAJEO?
Ginobili for three. Fucking Argentina.
69-66 for about a minute off the clock.
I may be wrong, but Gregg Popovich just looks evil.
The Spurs just got three straight offensive rebounds. They have skeleton powers.
Duncan hits Oberto for the And1. This is unwatchable.
I think ABC actually wants me to turn the channel with the "Chuck and Larry" commercial. More Jessica Biel's ass!
And we're back.
Hey Mike Breen, I'm going out on a limb to say Tony Parker isn't the only one who wants this series to end tonight. It's probably everyone outside Cleveland. And in Cleveland.
Oberto converts the free throw. Duncan gets a steal, Oberto two. Oberto sounds like a type of tomato sauce is a type of beef jerky.
Lebron for three. YES. (this line brought to you by Marv Albert).
74-69 with 1:17 to play. Duncan fouled.
Ginobili drives and lays it in.
The only thing that can redeem this at this point is if Drew Gooden punches Ginobili in the throat. Malice at the Palace: Quicken Loans edition.
So who wants to firebomb a McDonalds? I demand the filet o' fish be removed from their menu.
OK the game. It's 76-71. Ginobili at the line for two. This shit is OVAH
I am gleefully anticipating a post game interview with Eva Longoria.
Ha Ha terrible foul on Ginobili. He hit Damon Jones on the head. Three free throws with 7.5 left. Still over unless King James uses sovereign powers.
Well clearly a timeout is necessary. Fuck you Merlin. Choke it away at the line.
Not gonna happen. We got some free throws from Ginobili. END IT.
Thank the sweet lord Jebus its over. Four titles for Duncan et al.
Tony Parker finals MVP? Best player in the series according to announcers Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson, the only two people who watched it in its entirety.
Holla at yo boy TJ. And white dude.
Tim Duncan is eloquent.
Mild boos from the Cleveland crowd during the David Stern portion of the award ceremony warm the cockles of my unfeeling heart.
Fuck you San Antonio.
There will be no random videos of young children singing "candy man" here at the fainting goats. Especially if it implies I am somehow involved.
Bottom line, no videos with one line of text unless you are me. Sorry.
If you want to see what dr.gpiece posted, go here.
Please -- keep it somewhat real my friend, like the post below.
so i'm going to pop my fainting goats posting cherry with something easy...when i finish finals next week i'll have the entire summer to annoy all of you with posts that may or may not amuse anyone but myself.
this video is hilarious for a number of reasons including the following: 1) makes fun of rednecks, 2) features clips of blazing saddles interspersed throughout, 3) the quote "johnny cash grabbed his ankles and he hollered when i poked him", and 4) it's maynard (of tool, apc, etc.) who is just a funny guy in general. enjoy.
ok, so i got one more video to add too...turtle power!
Well this is obviously arbitrary, but whatever. I find the combination of dinosaurs and ninjas intriguing. Also, watching this video reminds me of my days in NUKE when I lived in a room with a mouse and occasionally Rickleman.
Is it really necessary for the members of Wu Tang to create new pseudonyms because they take a magic elevator from a club to the past? I say yes.
In order of appearance for your enjoyment.
Bobby Boulders - RZA
Joe Quarry - Method Man
Old Dirty Blocks - Old Dirty Bastard
Crystal Diamonds - Either Tekitha or Paulissa Morgan*
Frank Stoney - Ghostface Killa
Lex Rockhead - Raekwon the chef
U-God, apparently doesn't need a different nickname
Bo Rockhard - Bokeem Woodbine**
My favorite part is at the end, featuring an unidentifiable member of the clan, possibly RZA*
"Wu Tang Worldwide"
[shoots three arrows at same time, taking out three ninjas]
"Guaranteed Son"
[T-Rex eats ninja]
*Internode searches inconclusive.
**credits include Dead Presidents, The Rock, The Big Hit and Wishmaster 2: Evil Never dies
[Paulie and Christopher botched a killing and are lost in the woods]
Christopher: For all we know, he could be out there stalking us.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: With what? His cock?
One day AS(after sopranos) and still considering the ultimate episode. It was that good, and Pine Barrens was on A&E tonight. Paulie making a rudimentary shoe out of carpet from the back of a random van. How does Chase come up with this shit?
No longer. If anyone predicted the show would end with "Tony, AJ and Carmella eat onion rings while Meadow tries to parallel park the car and Journey plays in the background" well -- I will buy you meats.
You know its a good show when the full power of the internets is devoted to analyzing what the hell the final scene meant and it's still ambiguous. Life goes on? Tony dead? The American dream? My blogging skills are far too shitty to try to break it down.
But anyhow, in a show full of great characters, I would just like to remember the one and only Paulie Walnuts. Paranoid, deadly and ridiculous, after all these years I have to say he's my favorite. The last conversation he has with Tony, where he tells him he lives to serve him, "his liege" and then pulls out a tanning mirror sums it up perfectly.
Its TV as art, but still somehow not as good as The Wire.
Literally go fuck themselves. Educational and informative.
Terrible catchphrases aside, gonna give it up for the illest of delphs.
First, I'm considering joining the "Sons of Ben" fanclub for the Philly MLS team. A team which does not yet exist. But who could turn down an opportunity to be a SoB? Not me thats for sure. Oh and some British news organization had an article about the group and how soccer fans are fucking nuts in general.
Next, this weekend is the Manayunk Bike Race. US Cycling describes it thusly: "More than 160 of the world's top professional cyclists descend upon the city of Philadelphia to race in the longest running and richest single-day cycling road race in the United States. The cyclists will compete over ten laps of a 14.4 mile circuit over the Benjamin Franklin Parkway, Kelly Drive and Manayunk Wall in one of the biggest special sporting events in the United States." BTW the Manayunk Wall is a 17% grade.
More impressive I think are the drunken jackasses who race down the hill on shopping carts and other wheeled devices during "Midnight Madness" on Saturday night. The quality on this video kinda sucks, but it gives you an idea.
Finally, here's a shoutout to (probably) the creme de la creme of Philly blogs, Philadelphia Will Do. I know a guy who knows the guy who writes it. Small World. Oh man, Ira Einhorn invented the internet. Murderers who fled to France but then came back to serve prison time many years later are hilarious.
That's it, I'm going to go do some rails of Sweet'N Low, enjoy the weekend.
FINALLY.
There are plans to make a CGI Thundercats movie.
Unfortunately it won't be as good as the clearly fake version starring Mathew McConnaughey as Liono, Ed Harris as Mumm-Ra, Tea Leoni as Cheetara, Wesley Snipes as Panthro, and David Carradine as Tygra. (Pictured above) I recommend you read the "press release" linked from that site. High Comedy.
If we can have a Transformers movie directed by Michael Bay that wins a MTV movie award (not sketchy) before it's even released, a Thundercats movie needs to be made.
Ahhh nostalgia.
Major League Softball Team (Season 3)
The softball team is replaced by Major Leaguers after a bet with the strangely Libyan power plant owner of Shelbyville, and the likes of Roger Clemens, Steve Sax, Darryl Strawberry, Jose Canseco, and many other reputable figures descend on Springfield to meet individual and horrific fates…except for Strawberry, who is simply pinch hit for.
My favorite demise is Griffey’s via gargantuism on account of brain tonic. “It’s like there’s a party in my mouth, and everyone’s invited.” Ha ha ha. Steroids.
And there’s this:
It’s funny because in real life, Wade Boggs hit is wife.
Monorail
"I call the big one bitey." And batman is a scientist.
Lisa’s Rival
The best A-Plot/B-Plot tagteam ever. Lisa comes across a girl smarter than her and hilarity ensues, via anagrams and bent Wookies. And on the flip side, Homer finds a freighter truck of sugar, steals it from the driver Hans Moleman, and then proceeds to defend it against enemies that turn out, as this clip shows, to be all too Britishly real.
Best. Episode. Ever.
I wasn't going to get this started, but others are sandbagging due to lame excuses such as "I need to get good screencaps" and "I'm taking care of my newborn child"
So fuck you fellow contributors, these episodes are now off limits.
Never watch them again.
Lisa the Vegetarian
This is probably my favorite episode ever. Lisa becomes repulsed by the thought of her family eating meat at the same time that Homer plans a BBBQ (The extra B is for BYOBB) What's that extra B for? Typo.
Another good exchange is when Lisa's questions prompt "independent thought alarms" at Springfield Elementary.
Skinner: "Two independent though alarms in one day -- Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Groundskeeper Willie: I WARNED YE -- THAT COLORED CHALK WAS FORGED BY LUCIFER HIMSELF!
And, finally, where would we be without "Meat and You: Partners in Freedom"
Homie the Clown
Homer Simpson + Clowns = Comic Gold.
"Remind me to have that seat burned."
"That's it, you people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to Clown College."
Deep Space Homer
Gotta represent for the inanimate carbon rod. Cameos by James Taylor and Buzz Aldrin anyone?
My favorite part is when Homer compares meeting Mr. T to going into space.
Plus it features one of the most paraphrased lines on the intermet:
"I, for one, welcome our insect overlords."
Homer loves Flanders
Classic role reversal, where Homer becomes friends with Flanders, and eventually drives him insane.
"Lies make Baby Jesus cry"
A Star Is Burns
"I smell a cheap cartoon crossover"
This episode brings in Jay Sherman aka "the critic" and manages to be funnier than anything "The Critic" ever did. This is epitomized when Jay asks the Simpson crew if they ever want to come visit him in New York, and Bart tells him he doesn't think that will be happening.
And all the movies are fucking hilarious. I was saying Boo-urns.
Goddamn I had to leave out some good episodes, the Simpsons rulez. Fuck it, here's Mojo.
Start it off with this article from Rolling Stone about how Rudy Giuliani is a total and complete douchebag. America's Mayor my ass. Probably the best (and scariest) part of the whole piece is this graf:
Yes, Rudy is smarter than Bush. But his political strength -- and he knows it -- comes from America's unrelenting passion for never bothering to take that extra step to figure shit out. If you think you know it all already, Rudy agrees with you. And if anyone tries to tell you differently, they're probably traitors, and Rudy, well, he'll keep an eye on 'em for you. Just like Bush, Rudy appeals to the couch-bound bully in all of us, and part of the allure of his campaign is the promise to put the Pentagon and the power of the White House at that bully's disposal.
