Moonwalking Bird

Using my awesome powers of internet deduction, I have determined this to be "real"

The adventures of Pierre the Penguin

Once upon a time there was a penguin. His name was Pierre, even though he wasn't French. He was African. He tried to tell his hippy minders at the California Academy of Sciences about his true heritage, but they just called him a jackass.

Lo 25 years Pierre lived at the academy, where had no freedom with which to insult anyone. He and his fellow penguins were happy in their zoo-like enclosure, frolicking and doing whatever else it is that penguins do. Eat fish I guess.

But in his 25th year, Pierre began to have a bit of a problem. He was going bald.


His loss of feathers undermined his status as colony elder and patriarch. In fact, some of the younger penguins began to make light of his featherless ass. It was a sad time for Pierre, as he could not swim with incurring a horrendous chill.

His minder Pam was not going to let Pierre suffer forever. She knew Pierre's proud nature and bought him a heat lamp. It helped, but he still could not truly partake in the full penguin lifestyle. So Pam got in touch with some dude who makes wetsuits. After a custom fitting, Pierre was big pimping in his neoprene.



He returned to the colony where his new attire made him quite popular with the ladies. The wetsuit allowed him to frolic like a penguin half his age. His penguin brothers marveled at his newfound exuberance and stopped making fun of him. But they still only offered patronizing praise.

That all was about to change. Soon Pierre's feathers were growing back and he was able to banish from the colony his arch nemesis, Scuba Dog. It was only then that he truly regained his peers respect. For Scuba Dog had ruled the colony with an iron fist, constantly stealing the penguins eggs and requesting tacos. The End.